Autistic son with reactive mutism wants distant university, how to support?

[elliejjtiny]

Dc2 has autism and reactive mutism.

He has decided he wants to go to Buckinghamshire new university and he has had a conditional offer. His Dad took him to the offer holder day and he said he liked it but seemed more interested in the park run than the university (running is his special interest). It's 3 hours drive away from us and I don't know how he will cope but he is determined he wants to go, mainly because his brother is having a brilliant time at university.

If he is mainly hinging his decision on the park run, can you take him to other park runs in other places with a university which are nearer to you? Whilst it’s a nice park run (I did much of the course in the sunshine at lunchtime today) there are other nicer ones and I’m
not sure I’d be wanting to run around much of the immediate area of an evening (although if he is a distance runner and likes hills, then, once he is in the Chilterns, things get better).

Music production and song writing. He applied to this one, dbs in Bristol and LIPA in Liverpool. He was rejected from LIPA and hasn't heard anything from Bristol since his interview in half term.

It's still called selective mutism! That is the only diagnosable name.

Some people prefer to call it situational mutism and once it's been identified, families can use the terms they prefer, but it is really important to understand that the name of the condition is selective mutism, it's a medical term meaning "non pervasive mutism" and doesn't imply choice, but it is misunderstood a lot.

@Notmymarmosets your comment about increased communication being triggered by circumstantial changes is interesting, that's exactly what has happened with my child since they moved away to uni. We regularly have hour + long phonecalls since they went, and they text me a lot of information and opinions nowadays!

They have also gradually improved communication with strangers, and have even made friends. And as a very rigid and anxious ND teen, this has all been fantastic (and if I'm honest, unexpected, on my end, although I didn't say anything). Worth it just for that alone, life is hard and doesn't have to be linear or "worth" the debt as some have said upthread, I want what's best and they expressed enough interest in this to go for it.

I talked to him about other options but he said only 3 universities did this course and he applied to all 3. This one is the only one he has had an offer from.

I mean he could do that course at places like BIMM and ICMP as well?

My son isn’t diagnosed neurodivergent but probably is - not sure if he will manage Uni either. Some of these suggestions are brilliant, thanks.

There are other courses, not just those three:
https://www.ucas.com/explore/courses/2a64ce44-2c7d-48a6-8ee5-7f81e599d312/popular-music-production-and-performance?optionId=03811596-3e47-4fb5-bd80-c55260f9ba0c

Which ever he goes to I agree with setting up DSA ASAP, contacting the university in advance and making sure he is invited to any sort of extra transition events. Also finding out how he sets up consent for the uni to speak to you (if he wants to!).

My son who has autism and selective mutism is at a campus uni 3 hours away and is doing well. He has adjustments that he doesn't have to do presentations. He is in touch with student support via email rather than face to face, and has been able to stay in halls second year as that's easier than arranging group accommodation. I think he mostly communicates with flatmates via Whatsapp but he's managing simple meals, laundry, and his timetable and deadlines. He has surprised me, in a good way. Might help that he's doing Comp Sci so he's not exactly an outlier.