Disgusting kitchen and inspections

[FurryKitchenSponge]

DS is loving being at university but is really struggling with his gross flatmates. He was up until 2am cleaning the kitchen last week as they have an inspection the next day - they failed the last one after some of his flat had a party while he was away (although he had emptied bins, swept and mopped before he left) and they didn’t bother cleaning up after it and just went on reading week leaving dirty dishes and bottles everywhere.
Has anyone got any advice? He’s suggested rotas (the rota just gets ignored) he’s the only one emptying bins and he is getting really frustrated with it all. People use his stuff and don’t wash them up.
He has an ASD mentor but not sure if they can do anything and he’s worried about complaining too much in case the atmosphere becomes awful.
It’s like they are treating him like their cleaner

They will leave him to do it if he does it. They see no reason to do it and they are not going to change. Tell him to keep his stuff in his room, my DD found that anything in the kitchen was fair game, it annoyed her a lot too, they weren't too bad on cleaning up though.

The reality is they’ll all get a warning and a fine. It’s not fair, but it’s the way it is. If his flatmates won’t change and he can’t cope with it his only option is to move.
But it could be out of the frying pan and into the fire .My kids found this social side of uni tough, they do eventually find people they settle with

Yeah my dd had this.

it was very difficult because four of the others just didn’t care.

in the end (there were other issues aswell) she moved out and changed rooms.

Its a bit late to change flats - not long to go until the end of the year. I guess he is moving out for year 2 and this is already arranged?
My son isn't ultra tidy but found other peoples mess hard. He absolutely refused to clean up other peoples washing up (did empty the bins), kept his stuff in his room. Made friends in another uni flat - mostly ate and socialised with them. Was always friendly with flatmates and didn't stress about what he couldn't change.

It’s the fine that they have been treated with that he’s most worried about. It’s so incredibly frustrating.
He’s made some great friends from other flats so he doesn’t socialise with them.
The end of the year clean is going to be interesting I suppose.

Does DS have other plans for next year, OP?

It is incredibly frustrating, but short of moving he doesn’t have good options that I know of. Perhaps his mentor might have ideas for him? It seems that his concerns are on record with the mentor; if they aren’t, they probably should be in case the place is really trashed.

Otherwise I agree that keeping anything he really cares about in his room and limiting his efforts reasonably - hard as that will be - is the best way to cope. The more DS cleans, the more he will be expected to clean, and I am concerned that his self esteem will take a hit.

Importantly, DS needs to find a way to manage his understandable stress around this. I hope he can appreciate that he just had the random bad luck to room with pigs. FWIW, even if there is another fine, from the uni’s perspective it is routine and DS really shouldn’t worry.

I feel for him. I would also find it difficult.

This is unfortunately very common. It's shocking to see how many young people will happily make their accommodation into a foul smelling rubbish tip and expect someone else - anyone - to clean up after them.

There's nothing he can do about it this year unfortunately. Hopefully next year he can arrange to share with like-minded people who all agree to keep the place reasonably clean and tidy. That's what my dc did - after sharing with people in 1st year who made a horrendous mess, a group of friends got together to find a flat for second year.

I think the accommodation team will threaten a fine but likely wait and take money from the deposit at the end of their tenancy. I also think that everyone suddenly cleaning at the end is unlikely - he will lose deposit money whatever. Therefore I would recommend that he cleans his room, any of his own mess, locks his door and returns the key and is not the last to leave. For my son there were 4-5 students across two flats plus a couple of parents that pulled together at the end but money was still lost due to some damage. The people who caused the damage and created the mess were long gone - still lost some money but equally with everyone else. One of those things in life that just isnt fair.

A wise post, @LoveofSevenDolls

Is there a sub-Dean or Dean in the hall? Or a supervising tutor - often a postgrad who lives in the hall and helps with this sort of thing. Halls I've stayed at usually have some kind of pastoral care committee or the like. He should talk to them.

My DD stayed in uni accommodation for 3 years (for 2 years she had a residence assistant job) and had 2 lots of minging flats. For one she had some success with an app (Flatify) that automatically assigns tasks and prompts you. However it requires all housemates to participate. In the 2nd flat two out of 6 participant claimed downloading the app was banned in their countries mobile phones (they were at it). Had servants at home and thought cleaning was women’s work. The other flatmate who actually did her share had a mental health supporter who successfully appealed the flat fines for her so might be worth speaking to ASD coordinator for your DS.

I think that the allocation of students to flats with shared kitchens/bathrooms with other young people they don't know and with no cleaners is a ridiculous concept. It goes wrong far too often. The boarding school model of corridors, shared bathrooms and catered meals where common areas are cleaned by professional cleaning staff is a far better way of meeting lots of people in reasonably civilized circumstances.