Counting the days until my DD finished Uni

[HappySonHappyMum]

So had enough of the toxic house my DD finds herself in. What is it with mean girls these days. The jealousy, the nastiness, the gaslighting - can't wait until she is done. The maturity of these young people is appalling and I'd be embarrassed if they were my daughters.

Yes, some can be absolutely awful
Both my dds decided to live alone because of it.
Im not sure there’s much you can do except support her and get her out as soon as you can.

Yes it can be horrible! I’d consider putting her in her own accommodation by herself. Maybe the uni could help with a place in terms of finding somewhere.

She finishes on the 17th May - I am counting the days. All of these issues stem from two things - she passed her driving test and we got her a cheap runaround and she's been applying for jobs and has a couple of interviews. Good friends celebrate positives - these ones just seem mighty pissed off about it!

One of these 'friends' even messaged her academic adviser to complain that my DD was attending interviews and it 'shouldn't be allowed'. You couldn't make it up!

It does sound horrible. But should you really be so caught up with it? If your daughter is sharing so much gossip with you about the tensions in her house share, could it be that she is as caught up in mean girl dynamics as the others in the house?

My dd was quite shocked that supposedly intelligent adults at university could behave like they were children.

This. Maybe she's been bragging about her amazing job opportunities and her housemates are unsure about their future prospects. There are two sides to every story.

She needs someone to lean on and that's me. It's pretty upsetting when you're left out of things, gossipped about and blanked. And yes I am caught up in it because she's miles from home dealing with supposed adults who are behaving like 12 year olds.

She didn't share that she had job interviews and only told them when she set off for home midweek and they asked where she was going. She's not competing for jobs where her so called friends live. It's no.skin off their noses at all.

Please try and get her out of the house. The financial hit will be worth it. Sublet it and find her somewhere else, even in halls.

I'm sorry you DD is going through this. Unfortunately with everyone in life there are mean people. I lived in an all girls house all theough uni, 18 years on we are still friends and always celebrating each others successes. One of our friends had a similar experience in her 2nd year she moved in with us in our 3rd year.

Like any stage in life there is always her tribe out there who are decent people. Can recommend her joining a sports club get her out of the house and interacting with others or spending more time with course friends.

My DD lived with more male students than female ones. Much more stable!

Does she have any other course mates maybe she could hang out with more or friends from a society so she spends as little time as possible in her student home? I know it’s not ideal , but dd1 had a similar situation during her first year of uni and she just kept busy outside and mi es with some other people from her course the other two years .

There are mean, gossipy and horrible people throughout all stages of life - some people never grow out of it! It’s not long to go now, I’d say just get your head down, crack on with your work and interviews and don’t give them a second glance after May!

Sorry your DD is experiencing this.

The issue when they are students is being stuck in these long contracts. If.someone wants to leave an unbearable house share when they are working, they usually can.

Has it been like this for her the whole time?
Such a shame, DC1 still sees her uni mates regularly, they all support each other and are so close.
DC2 didn’t gel with his flat in year one but made friends elsewhere who he moved in with in subsequent years and lives with now University is finished.

Jeez her housemates sound awful. Aren't they abit old for that?
Lucky she has a good mum to lean on. Hope she has other things going on to keep her busy. Good luck. People can be vile.

Sympathies. I think it can all come to a head in the final year. My DD was on a placement year and planned to take the spot of someone doing a shorter degree in a flat of 6 friends who’d being sharing for 4 years. Friend whose spot she was due to take gave her the heads up that they had fallen out and split into 3 warring groups. WhatsApp chat was wild.

Hopefully project work/diss will keep your DD out of the flat much of the time.

There is sooooo much worse to experience in shared housing. Not that thats something to aspire to. But its a life skill, dealing with people who think differently, who are unkind to you and who may be a bit unwell or abusive... it helps you in other areas of life surely you've all lived with people who were difficult in your time?

But I am sorry for your daughter. Feeling unhappy in your home is awful. I can relate and can say it made me work incredibly hard to eventually not have to share.

Awful environment! What a shame for her uni experience to be tainted by this. Boundaries boundaries!

It’s likely that my DC is lucky to be surrounded by such friendly people at uni, or perhaps they just get along well with everyone. They’ve only ever had positive things to say about others, whether at university or back in secondary school.

Why did she not find nicer people to share with? Has she no pleasant friends? Sometimes dc can tag on to the wrong people as they seem more exciting but by y3, they usually know who they get on with.

I sympathise OP. I lived with a group of students for two years and they made my life absolute hell. The ringleader was the head of volunteer student welfare so nobody believed me. I wish I’d gone to live elsewhere. If this is an option for your DD then I strongly recommend it.

Someone complaining to the tutors is outrageous and also slightly funny - I mean what could they possibly expect as a response? MYOB or similar.

If she is unable to move out, I would advise her to keep her cards very close to her chest from now on. She doesn't have to answer to anyone as to where she's going / what she is doing.

Seriously.