University Bound ASD Teens?

littlebabycheeses99 · 2026-02-21T19:18:47+00:00

Hello Was just hoping to chat to fellow mums of ASD kids who are thinking of Uni imminently or are already there. My DS is hoping to go next year (I think!) but I'm not 100% certain he's ready. He's actually refusing to be assessed for ASD but we're 99% sure he is! My concerns are around friendships and just generally looking after himself - cooking, exercise (currently non existent) and mental health (up and down). Is there anybody out there with similar concerns? Academically he's very able (predicted A*s).

DeQuin · 21/02/2026 19:25

I was where you are last year. We actually got a private ASD assessment which we got on the waiting list for at around Easter because he started to really not cope with A'level pressure and I couldn't imagine him being OK at uni. It was thinking about accommodation that tipped us over the edge: the uni he is at couldn't guarantee lifestyle moderated accommodation unless he had a diagnosis and there was no way he would have managed without. As it turned out, just being on the diagnostic pathway was enough (you have a pre-assessment even for private). I would really really recommend getting him assessed if you can. Having the diagnosis DS has access to two hours mentoring a week (one academic and one "sorting out your life") which he chose not to access until just recently as he is struggling. He's not struggling academically, but doing all the things is a bit much. He likes his course, wants to be there ... but without the flat he's in, and having access to the disability services and (as it turns out) mentoring I don't think he'd have made it all the way through. DS also chose to go hours away from home. Happy to answer questions -- I'm sporadic on MN but here pretty regularly.

modernfairies · 21/02/2026 19:26

My DD has an Audhd diagnosis and is at University - half way through her first year. We certainly had all these worries - less friendships as she has always been good at finding a tribe, but definitely around self care. We went to a lot of open days and narrowed universities down depending on how she felt she would fit in. We limited distance to 3 hours from home, no large cities and on a straightforward train route. We spent a lot of time teaching her cooking and working out ways for her to remember to eat / wash etc. We also went to the offer holder days and asked both the university and departments about the support available, talked to students already there about whether this support was actually available and got as much as possible lined up before she went.

We still probably have to have much more ongoing involvement than parents of a non add teen but she is enjoying herself, she’s made friends, no exercise but is eating well and regularly.

modernfairies · 21/02/2026 19:28

Mentoring has also been fab for DD. I think it is more of a friendly chat than anything else but knowing that she can talk to her mentor about anything is really helpful for her. It was all organised through DSA who have been really good.

Original poster

littlebabycheeses99 · 21/02/2026 19:46

DeQuin · 21/02/2026 19:25

I was where you are last year. We actually got a private ASD assessment which we got on the waiting list for at around Easter because he started to really not cope with A'level pressure and I couldn't imagine him being OK at uni. It was thinking about accommodation that tipped us over the edge: the uni he is at couldn't guarantee lifestyle moderated accommodation unless he had a diagnosis and there was no way he would have managed without. As it turned out, just being on the diagnostic pathway was enough (you have a pre-assessment even for private). I would really really recommend getting him assessed if you can. Having the diagnosis DS has access to two hours mentoring a week (one academic and one "sorting out your life") which he chose not to access until just recently as he is struggling. He's not struggling academically, but doing all the things is a bit much. He likes his course, wants to be there ... but without the flat he's in, and having access to the disability services and (as it turns out) mentoring I don't think he'd have made it all the way through. DS also chose to go hours away from home. Happy to answer questions -- I'm sporadic on MN but here pretty regularly.

Edited

Thank you! what is 'lifestyle moderated accommodation' ?

Did your son readily go for an ASD assessment? Mine is refusing to believe that he's autistic, but I honestly have no doubts. He is currently seeing a clinical psychologist who although can't diagnose, does have experience with autism and has heavily hinted that she thinks he is. I'm just not sure that he will ever be up for being assessed as he doesn't like being 'different'.

My DS is quite happy to go for a Uni hours away from home - but we're just not sure how he will cope.

OP posts:

Original poster

littlebabycheeses99 · 21/02/2026 19:47

modernfairies · 21/02/2026 19:26

My DD has an Audhd diagnosis and is at University - half way through her first year. We certainly had all these worries - less friendships as she has always been good at finding a tribe, but definitely around self care. We went to a lot of open days and narrowed universities down depending on how she felt she would fit in. We limited distance to 3 hours from home, no large cities and on a straightforward train route. We spent a lot of time teaching her cooking and working out ways for her to remember to eat / wash etc. We also went to the offer holder days and asked both the university and departments about the support available, talked to students already there about whether this support was actually available and got as much as possible lined up before she went.

We still probably have to have much more ongoing involvement than parents of a non add teen but she is enjoying herself, she’s made friends, no exercise but is eating well and regularly.

That's really nice to hear, thank you.

OP posts:

Barrellturn · 21/02/2026 19:49

I would really try to get him assessed. The university then knows what support he needs from the get go rather than him trying to argue for leeway retrospectively which is always harder. My university also has low noise accomodation specifically for neuro divergent students.

DeQuin · 21/02/2026 20:07

Lifestyle moderated accommodation = students who want to live quietly and don't drink. Different universities have slightly different ways of providing quieter living. It has been a godsend for DS: all of them in his flat are ND and they keep the kitchen and fridge relatively clean and tidy and tolerate each other's issues re smell etc. It amuses me that in their first few weeks they would sit in their shared living area and look out across the courtyard to a big party flat and have those "am so glad that's not us" moments.

DS was open to getting diagnosed I realised he was ASD when he was about five, and he's known since he started secondary school (another tricky transition for him and I just went with "you might or might not be ASD but you and I both have some of the traits so let's talk about what you might find tricky and talk through what we can do to make it easier to manage") which was helpful in dealing with smells in the dining hall, just saying he didn't like going to the cinema etc. He was also in crisis by the time we suggested it and I think he found relief in having validation for why he was barely functioning. ND runs strong in our family, though his dad and I are both open about having ND traits and can mostly function in the world, and so he can see us working round the things we find difficult.

He chose his uni though before things got bad and optimistically decided he would be fine in a city many hours away from us. That was not the best solution, but he wanted to. It may still not work out but it was the right thing for him to do it because sometimes there is only one way to learn. He also didn't want to access the mentoring because he wanted to see if he could manage all on his own, however much I said I thought it would help him.

dizzydizzydizzy · 21/02/2026 20:17

DeQuin · 21/02/2026 20:07

Lifestyle moderated accommodation = students who want to live quietly and don't drink. Different universities have slightly different ways of providing quieter living. It has been a godsend for DS: all of them in his flat are ND and they keep the kitchen and fridge relatively clean and tidy and tolerate each other's issues re smell etc. It amuses me that in their first few weeks they would sit in their shared living area and look out across the courtyard to a big party flat and have those "am so glad that's not us" moments.

DS was open to getting diagnosed I realised he was ASD when he was about five, and he's known since he started secondary school (another tricky transition for him and I just went with "you might or might not be ASD but you and I both have some of the traits so let's talk about what you might find tricky and talk through what we can do to make it easier to manage") which was helpful in dealing with smells in the dining hall, just saying he didn't like going to the cinema etc. He was also in crisis by the time we suggested it and I think he found relief in having validation for why he was barely functioning. ND runs strong in our family, though his dad and I are both open about having ND traits and can mostly function in the world, and so he can see us working round the things we find difficult.

He chose his uni though before things got bad and optimistically decided he would be fine in a city many hours away from us. That was not the best solution, but he wanted to. It may still not work out but it was the right thing for him to do it because sometimes there is only one way to learn. He also didn't want to access the mentoring because he wanted to see if he could manage all on his own, however much I said I thought it would help him.

Edited

That’s interesting! My autistic nephew is in Y1 at uni. The poor thing has been put in hall flat with a load of kids who booze and smoke weed.

Original poster

littlebabycheeses99 · 22/02/2026 19:48

Barrellturn · 21/02/2026 19:49

I would really try to get him assessed. The university then knows what support he needs from the get go rather than him trying to argue for leeway retrospectively which is always harder. My university also has low noise accomodation specifically for neuro divergent students.

The problem is that he doesn't want to be classed as neurodivergent! But yes, we would really like to get him assessed before he goes.

OP posts:

Original poster

littlebabycheeses99 · 22/02/2026 19:54

DeQuin · 21/02/2026 20:07

Lifestyle moderated accommodation = students who want to live quietly and don't drink. Different universities have slightly different ways of providing quieter living. It has been a godsend for DS: all of them in his flat are ND and they keep the kitchen and fridge relatively clean and tidy and tolerate each other's issues re smell etc. It amuses me that in their first few weeks they would sit in their shared living area and look out across the courtyard to a big party flat and have those "am so glad that's not us" moments.

DS was open to getting diagnosed I realised he was ASD when he was about five, and he's known since he started secondary school (another tricky transition for him and I just went with "you might or might not be ASD but you and I both have some of the traits so let's talk about what you might find tricky and talk through what we can do to make it easier to manage") which was helpful in dealing with smells in the dining hall, just saying he didn't like going to the cinema etc. He was also in crisis by the time we suggested it and I think he found relief in having validation for why he was barely functioning. ND runs strong in our family, though his dad and I are both open about having ND traits and can mostly function in the world, and so he can see us working round the things we find difficult.

He chose his uni though before things got bad and optimistically decided he would be fine in a city many hours away from us. That was not the best solution, but he wanted to. It may still not work out but it was the right thing for him to do it because sometimes there is only one way to learn. He also didn't want to access the mentoring because he wanted to see if he could manage all on his own, however much I said I thought it would help him.

Edited

Ah I see! Thank you.

It's difficult because he wasn't 'obviously' neurodivergent until his teenage years when things fell apart a bit - and it was all sort of masked anyway because covid happened and school attendance was sporadic. So it's actually quite a recent thing to realise. He hasn't had a group of friends (or even many friends at all) for a long time.

He had the choice of 2 colleges to do A Levels - one that was a specialist maths college with a lot of neurodivergent kids, and the other one was much much bigger with a real mix of teens. We thought he would choose the specialist one as he seemed very much at ease there, but he picked the bigger one - and is still struggling to settle there.

I'm not sure he would want to share a flat with other ND kids because he won't admit his difficulties.

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DeQuin · 22/02/2026 20:18

Would he consider a year off? DS wouldn't but actually would have been really good for him if he had, I think. Gives you time to sort out one thing at a time (A'levels first, then think about uni and think about basics like city or campus, what living in a flat might look like, etc).

I was concerned about pressing DS to think about what it would be like to live in a flat, cook for himself, manage his finances, navigate a city etc when he was barely able to keep himself together for A'levels so I didn't.

Original poster

littlebabycheeses99 · 26/02/2026 20:18

DeQuin · 22/02/2026 20:18

Would he consider a year off? DS wouldn't but actually would have been really good for him if he had, I think. Gives you time to sort out one thing at a time (A'levels first, then think about uni and think about basics like city or campus, what living in a flat might look like, etc).

I was concerned about pressing DS to think about what it would be like to live in a flat, cook for himself, manage his finances, navigate a city etc when he was barely able to keep himself together for A'levels so I didn't.

No not at the minute, but that might change I suppose. To be honest though I'm not sure I could cope with him having a year 'off' - he is incredibly hard work! Equally though, the thought of him at University does scare me and will be a constant worry.

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