DD moving in BF

Summersoul · 2025-12-06T11:45:41+00:00

My DD has decided to move to town near to us next year for her 2nd year ar uni. She is living in halls this year and although she has lots of friends, great flatmates and loves her course she doesn't want to live there next year. She has been in a settled relationship for over 2 years snd has decided to live with him close and commute in. The commute is about an hour , has anyone else been in this situation? She isn't happy there so something needs to change but im not sure this is it. Any advice greatly appreciated

Ritaskitchen · 06/12/2025 11:51

Personally if my DC decided to move in with their partner I would stop paying rent. That’s an adult thing to do and so it comes with truly adult consequences - paying your own rent.

WishfulThinkingToday · 06/12/2025 12:55

It is worth talking to her a little more - why is she unhappy at the current place? Are her friends not as good as you think?

I moved in with my bf when I was 18 (we were very much in love) and never lived in halls until my masters degree. No matter how much my father and mother said to reconsider, I didn’t - in a way this pushed me even more. I wish I did though, because I missed out on making friends in halls and being close enough to enjoy more of a student life.

If she has already decided, there is not much you can say to change her mind, but you need to treat her like the adult she is and mention that this will be a very different experience for her - she will not be around her friends as much anymore, so they wont be able to pop around when they want to see her. She will need to travel for lectures for an hour, which is inconvenient. She wont just pop into the student pub or the library when she needs to. She is basically cutting herself off from her social life to be with her bf.

Mention it is her life - her choice, but it would be really upsetting to think of all the things she will be missing out on.

Octavia64 · 06/12/2025 12:58

I did this in my third year. It was in the city where my uni was though.

an hours commute is quite a lot.

AllJoyAndNoFun · 06/12/2025 13:16

What is the bf doing with himself? Working or also at Uni? What would concern me is if there’s pressure from him for her to move back closer so either that it’s financially feasible for him to move out of home or because he’s jealous/ insecure of her new life. Theres also a risk that she becomes more firmly grounded in her home town which may not be an issue but also may be quite limiting, depending on where it is and what she ultimately wants to do. That said, probably not much you can do. I’d also point out that if she’s going by to commute she might as well move back in and save money.

TootsMaHoots · 06/12/2025 13:17

What does he do? Is he working or is he a student too?

I’d be concerned that she would stop going to university as the jump from rolling out of bed in halls to living in a flat, commuting for an hour as well as having to do more adult things at home such as pay your gas bill might be all a bit depressing.

ParmaVioletTea · 06/12/2025 13:34

It looks as though she wants to settle before she’s even lived.

But it’s her life and her mistakes to make.

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 06/12/2025 13:37

ParmaVioletTea · 06/12/2025 13:34

It looks as though she wants to settle before she’s even lived.

But it’s her life and her mistakes to make.

This is my thoughts too and the mantra I have recently been using a lot of my 21 and 22 year old children!

Motheranddaughter · 06/12/2025 13:39

I would not be happy with this but it’s her decision and I would only give my opinion if asked

LostittoBostik · 06/12/2025 13:40

WishfulThinkingToday · 06/12/2025 12:55

It is worth talking to her a little more - why is she unhappy at the current place? Are her friends not as good as you think?

I moved in with my bf when I was 18 (we were very much in love) and never lived in halls until my masters degree. No matter how much my father and mother said to reconsider, I didn’t - in a way this pushed me even more. I wish I did though, because I missed out on making friends in halls and being close enough to enjoy more of a student life.

If she has already decided, there is not much you can say to change her mind, but you need to treat her like the adult she is and mention that this will be a very different experience for her - she will not be around her friends as much anymore, so they wont be able to pop around when they want to see her. She will need to travel for lectures for an hour, which is inconvenient. She wont just pop into the student pub or the library when she needs to. She is basically cutting herself off from her social life to be with her bf.

Mention it is her life - her choice, but it would be really upsetting to think of all the things she will be missing out on.

Agree with the don’t push it.

Either it will work out or it won’t but the more you resist the longer she’ll be pushed towards him.

Are you paying rent directly? If so I would stop that. Give her however much support financially you want to but she then chooses how to manage it and she must pay rent to her landlord etc.

HonoriaBulstrode · 06/12/2025 13:48

Yes, I'd be concerned that even if her bf is a decent bloke, she'd become isolated from her university life.

There's the cost of commuting to factor in, and an hour is quite long.

What is her bf doing? If he's working in a ft job, she'll probably find herself on her own at home quite a lot.

Does she know anyone in the town she'd be moving to?

MyChristmasCheerHasBuggeredOff · 06/12/2025 13:52

An hour commute isnt really that long?

What do you feel is the issues?