Have your kids become more independent by moving away?

[Joyfullday]

Have your kids become more independent by moving away for university and having to look after themselves? Or are they not looking after themselves that well in particular cooking, eating well, maybe exercising more, sleeping well, less time on technology, etc.

They get there eventually!! Usual after learning the hard way……. All four of mine were perfectly capable of being self sufficient, but decided they couldn’t be bothered when they went to uni. So slept in, missed lectures, ate rubbish etc….. All to varying degrees obviously. But they learn….eventually!! After they miss a deadline, or something they really wanted to do. Or got fed up with pizza and noodles, or got upset stomachs.
By the time kids three and four went off, I just rolled my eyes and let them without comment….. there’s no point

Thanks. True sometimes they have to learn the hard way.

It’s hard watching them mess stuff up. But honestly you have to just laugh and see it as part of them growing up

Thanks. I think I may need to chill out a bit.

My DD has actually surprised me by how organised she's been, eats fairly healthily, has joined a sports team just for the exercise (although netball in the dark/wind/rain is sometimes a bit of an effort apparently) and never misses lectures because she knows she's ultimately paying for it all.

However I think she's looking forward to coming home for Christmas and not having to adult for a bit. She now understands my moaning about having to come up with ideas for meals everyday and how helpful it is to keep up with washing. I'm going to get her to cook a bit when she's home but at least she won't have to worry about if she has space in the fridge or freezer.

Mine was pretty independent (has been since birth which made the toddler years fun 😬)and is very self driven so has attended lectures etc. But I've been impressed with how much they do in terms of sorting out their accomodation, any uni issues etc. one change has been that since moving out they have become a much more adventurous cook and enjoy making new meals. They've also become more socially confident in themself and it's been lovely to see them become this version of themselves.

My third however may be a different experience if they go to uni(my second is doing a vocational course so is still at home). But as someone said above, they all have to learn and they all become independent.

That is good to hear. They have to grow up one way or another

Mines been good at sorting her own problems out like losing a passport etc. Even learned it's useful to keep stock of lemsips etc in for if you feel unwell.

Our DS did nothing for himself when living at home, literally nothing. He'd not wash/clean his teeth/shower without us nagging him. He hadn't a clue how to prepare food, wash his clothes, etc - we did it all! He was, literally, a passenger in our home. We really, really worried about how he'd cope when he went to Uni. He wasn't bothered at all, showed no signs of worrying etc. He didn't even do any packing/preparation despite us nagging him, and the day before he went, it was us doing the packing/shopping etc for him as he'd literally have taken his games console, laptop, phone and ipad and the clothes he stood in!

But he went and survived very well. He made do at first, wearing the clothes we'd packed for him and using the cutlery/crockery/basic foods we'd sent him with. When he ran out of clothes, he had a choice of going to buy new, or finding the laundrette! When he ran out of tinned/packet food, same choice, go and buy or pay for takeaways. He basically just started googling for everything. He googled for how to use the washing machines, which washing powder/conditioner to buy, how to use it, googled for different temperatures for different clothing types, etc. With food, he googled how to make an omelette, how to fry an egg, he followed youtube videos by people suggesting meals for uni students (using basic ingredients and basic equipment etc). We facetimed every day, but he barely asked advice on "home" things as he just googled it all!

It's amazing what they can do when they have to! The internet, social media and youtube is amazing as sources of advice for things people don't know how to do!

He's now been out of Uni for 2 years, has lived in 3 different flats moving around with his work, and well and truly self sufficient. The difference in just 5 years has been incredible to see. We'd never have believed he'd manage so well. He even does batch cooking, regularly makes "proper" meals (meat and two veg etc). Sometimes you just have to take a step back and let them work things out for themselves!

To be honest, my DD was pretty independent before she even went to Uni. She wanted to do things for herself, learn to cook, take care of herself, budget her money, etc etc. But she has always been very headstrong and independent even since being a small one. Which could be quite annoying when she was adamant she wanted to put her own shoes on and fasten her own coat when we were in a rush! 😂So that never surprised us really.

But since being at uni she has excelled and I never feel I have to worry about her not taking care of herself or eating properly.

Her house mates who were less capable and less motivated have got better as the time has gone on so I think they all find their way eventually.

Yes I think in DD1's second year in particular. I've certainly not heard as many tales of woe from her about not being able to get out of bed, which was always her weakness!

Both DDs are self-sufficient to a degree, they know how to cook, clean, work, budget (to a degree!) travel, study, make friends, even DD2 at 16. I definitely feel like DD1 is more settled in her second year though. She is in university more hours but her part time job is a bit more balanced and I'm so glad she will not be working so much at home over Christmas and having a proper break.

DD2 is at college and has a part time job and I'm so pleased with how maturely she is approaching life and how things are going after really struggling with secondary school and ending up doing online school. I also think she has a chance to become her own person more and develop her own interests while DD1 is away. They get on so well and miss one another but I think the distance from one another is quite good overall.

Very independent. They also manage to get help when needed from more than us - each other and peers and staff.

They did do college for A-levels which probably helped a bit - getting themselves around and in when needed on buses. Universities a supportive places to be as well - help is there if needed.

They've had a few hicupps with banking phones and kit dying but have managed to get themselves sorted with zero input to very limited input from us.

DD1 did seek some input with sleep - told us afterwards - she later diasgonsed ADHD - something else she sorted out. DS got ultra clingy before going and day left him there but sorted out washing and was heading to funding met ups all by himself first week6..6-. Don't think they like cooking all the time- they'd got super fussy last few years here making cooking a real pain - but they feed themselves.