Is it a good idea for DS with Asperger’s/mental health issues to go away to university

[Hotdays2]

Son has Asperger’s and is having quite a few mental health issues since he he is tired at the end of term. The heat is probably causing him sensory issues (he is resistant to taking his jumper off because he feels ‘exposed’) and approaching changes in timetable and a glut of tests are adding to his anxiety. He has OCD traits.
We were looking for him to go to university, however I’m wondering now how he would cope independently. To study his ideal subject he would really need to live away, however could study less competitive subjects and attend our local university. In two minds over him exploring his independence or struggling with a big change when smaller ones are proving a challenge now.

Would deferring for a year help or hinder?
Think he could rent a room in your next town over and work to get used to being away, and then the move to uni might not seem so bad?

Could be a totally unsuitable idea.

Without knowing much about the specifics, I would do whatever it took to try and support him to get there, to do his chosen subjects.

The heat should have calmed down by that time, but eg if it was hot, make sure he's got a really good fan. Plan to go up and visit x amount of times. Check in frequently.

Try and problem-solve with him about what would help him cope with living independently with a course that will require hard work to keep up with. If it's a subject he is interested in, he can really throw himself into the study and really enjoy it.

If he's got the grades to go to a university he likes and in a subject he's an interest in, then you should just let him try and do it.

The worst that can happen is he comes home and changes tack about his career path. But that's not the end of the world.

He'll gain life experience and hopefully meet new people from different backgrounds. All first years at uni are having vulnerabilities to an extent.

So he won't be alone in the sense that many others come from far away and don't know much about life as an adult.

They're only young but this can be the start of becoming much more independent and resilient.

which year is he? Is it worth going to a few open days at a couple of unis to see how he feels there? And explore what support each offers students with Asperger’s. Does he have a formal diagnosis?
the student room website will have lots of info.

The problem for uni would be making friends and then having people willing to live with him in years 2 and 3.

I ended up staying on halls all 3 years. First year 'friends' with those in my halls who were also on my course. But they all cohse to get a house together - which was dostressonv as i had no other friends to group with. So stayed in halls. Met other group of students but even though friends a few were foreign students or going on year abroad so we again stayed on. Only issue really that obviously always having first years meant they were partying etc.

I would hope nowadays more a policy to allow asd students to stay on in halls if needed.

Its also very expensive now to go so if theres a chance he might hate it could be costly.

Is he self motivated as my dd although clever wilo not push herself and might well avoid exams etc.

If its a course likely to have a lot of asd students he might make good friends. I was doing business and really the others were not very nice.

There are more options with accommodation - DD1 in a private student hall with a studio flat and more univeristes have more accomodation than in the past.

I think how much support the university offers students would be my concern - they're not all equal - and any consideration with lecturers and work will need formal disagosis.

Not taking jumper off - is that uniform related - as mine were like that but much better in their own clothes - DS still likes to wear a shirt over a t-shirt in hot weathtr but I can get linen trousers, cotten t-shirts and thin cotten/linen shirts which all help.

As PP asked which year is he ?- as they can change rapidly - this time last year I was worried how DS would cope now I think he's ready.

If he's Y13 with a place waiting - it very different place and I think choice is probably made - and this is just a wobble while waiting for results - if younger there time to question what support each uni can offer and how accomodating they will likely be and then make decisions.

Well it’s a good start to get him used to the world of work isn’t it, being independent. No point doing the degree otherwise.

Getting student disability support in place before he starts will make a big difference. Talk to lots to try to find out who actually does it and who just talks about it.

We agreed away but within a decent drive so we could get to them in a crisis. We never needed to in the end but it helped all of us to know it was there.

Lots of students have additional needs. All the uni open days had presentations or stalls by disability services so you can speak to them.
Staying in halls all 3 years is an option sometimes. En-suite or studio apartments may be available and if need due to disability the additional cost may be covered.
DSA can provide various support.
I’d go on open days and start having conversation with him.
If he does go away think of ease of visiting and him coming home.

DD has high functioning autism, as she was older when she was diagnosed and they don't tend to use Asperger's now. I had the exact same worries as you, she absolutely didn't cope with moving to a sixth form, didn't make friends, couldn't look after herself (but an absolute genius at maths 🙄).

She moved 100 miles away to the uni that met her spreadsheet requirements 😅. We had a lot of hysteria about things like finding the right room, doors in washing machines, how to work ovens, where the supermarket was, which clubs she should try... I had to tell her to leave the lecturers alone and not correct them all the time...

End of year one now and she has absolutely thrived, living her best life and has achieved so much, both academically and socially. I'm so proud of her. (Although now she's trying to transition back to home life, which is errrm, tricky!)

When was he last assessed? I don't believe the term "Aspergers" as been used for a few years now.

My son was diagnosed 4 years ago and the doctor told us "it's what we would have called Aspergers in the past". So Aspergers does get bandied around these days still.
'High-functioning autism' is a term that isn't commonly accepted these days - as those classed as 'high-functioning' can have their needs overlooked, and those classed as 'low-functioning' can have their abilities overlooked.

I know it’s not a recognised term under the DSM diagnosis criteria now, however when he was diagnosed ten years ago they specifically wrote Asperger’s syndrome’ on the document. He didn’t have any developmental delays or delayed speech which was one of the reasons they put it.
It’s still a useful term I think, because it it gives an idea of his needs when comes to university because he doesn’t have any intellectual delay however does have social/emotional challenges and OCD which may affect independent living.
My thoughts are that we will support him in applying for the subject he wants away from home, however will look to set him up/visit halls of residence and the campus etc. and look for a university which isn’t far away.

My DS has ASD (original diagnosis also refers to Aspergers) and ADHD and has just finished his third year at uni.

I won't lie, it has not been an easy road BUT he has done it and overall it has been a really positive experience for him. He's loved his uni city, really enjoyed his course, produced some fantastic assignments (even if he didn't always manage to get to all the lectures...) and should achieve a strong degree classification (result due any day!). He's also coped with living away and made friends via a sports society for a sport he is passionate about.

My top tips for any parent of a neurodiverse student would be:

1 APPLY FOR DSA!! It's a lifeline. It's non means tested and can fund anything from equipment to wellbeing support or academic support tutors. Honestly DS's support tutor was the game-changer between coping and not coping.

https://www.gov.uk/disabled-students-allowance-dsa

2.Look at what the unis offer in terms of support for neurodiverse students - not just academically / welfare wise but socially too. DS's uni had a club specifically for ND students plus another ND support group which he found useful.

3.Be pragmatic. And practical. Look at courses at unis that are not too far away - DS said from the outset that he didn't want to be any further than an hour away from home. As a result, he was far enough that he had to 'go away' but near enough that he could get home (or I could get to him) at short notice.

4.Look for accommodation that's going to suit his needs and be realistic about what is going to work and what not. For example my DS has major food sensory issues and there would literally have been no point in considering catered halls - he'd never have eaten anything. He would also have struggled sharing a bathroom. So it was self-catered ensuite all the way.

5.Really really encourage them to join clubs and societies where they might meet like-minded people. Flatshares are a notorious lottery - DS had no major issues in his but didn't make any friends either - all his uni friends are from his sport society.

6.Be realistic. Try not to compare your ND DC's uni experience with that of a gregarious, neurotypical student who's out socialising every night 'smashing it and loving uni life' etc etc. Yes, lots of students have a full on social uni experience. Lots of them actually don't. The best uni experience for your DS will be the one that works for him.

I hope that helps. For what it's worth, I would consider supporting him in moving to a uni where he has to live in halls initially, but perhaps have the home uni as a backup if things don't work out. Good luck to you both!

I think money can massively help with this type of issue. There is a big difference between being a skint student, worrying about money living frugally in grotty accommodation and not being able to afford to visit home and having enough money to make things as easy as possible.

How open is he to accepting help and support? I’ve seen students not take up help that has been offered, not communicate problems/issues to those in a position to provide support and their uni experience has been painful and negative. If you’re close enough to help keep him on track and help him help himself, that would be the best. I have seen some students find their tribe and truly blossom, but it can take time.

DN moved away for uni some 10 years ago. I don't know if DSA and other support was available, but he struggled with the social side, environmental needs (e.g. preferred room layout) and living independently and dropped out after a year. He's since lived at home, working with his dad (for a company, not self employed) and has found a nerdy hobby that allows him to enjoy a limited social life. It's this that has opened up horizons (international travel to events) that we wouldn't have thought possible. So I would say definitely support him in his preference if he wants to give it a go, but be prepared that it might not be right and another path might be how he flourishes.

My son has ASD and has just finished his second year at a campus university a couple of hour away. He loves it.

I think a campus or collegiate university (not so sure about the city universities where life seems more fragmented) is a brilliant step towards living independently. They are living away from home with some degree of autonomy, but they also have some support systems in place.

Universities tend to be very ASD-friendly, I think. There will be others there with similar issues and there will be staff who are used to this. Liaise with Student Welfare at the uni before he starts and also get DSA support (they are very helpful in my experience, and paid for an academic mentor and a life skills mentor to have weekly sessions with DS).

Obviously it depends on the person. But there is significant support available.