A mixed journey with a happy ending

[Smallwinscount]

I just wanted to give some reassurance to people whose DCs who have struggled in their first year.

DS1 got great A levels and an engineering place at a Russell Group university. He hated it. The course, the uni, the city, didn’t find any friends and had a thoroughly miserable first year, that ultimately he failed (one module but enough to fail the year).

DS, DH and I had a long chat that summer about what he actually wanted to do, based on what he enjoyed and the kind of environment he was hoping for. We suggested he didn’t resit, and to apply somewhere else through clearing.

He applied to a non Russell Group campus uni, took Computer Science and had a brilliant three years; honestly I’ve never seen him so happy 😊

Scroll on to this week and he’s been told that he has achieved a First!!

I’m so pleased for him, and so proud, not just of the result but of his bravery and resilience.
Through his first year result, he was forced to stop and make a choice, but it was the best decision he could have made.

This is an unashamed proud parent post, but I also wanted to share it for others who may be having similarly difficult initial experiences.

No wonder you're bursting with pride. Congratulations on encouraging & supporting serious adulting!

Excellent! Wish people would lose the RG bias. It’s the course that matters.

That is absolutely wonderful! It's so nice to hear about a young adult who has followed a winding path, with ups and downs along the way, and achieved so much in the end. And for him to have found joy and fun along the way, especially after a bumpy start.

Thank you for sharing this, it's very inspiring. I imagine you must all be very proud and happy.

Well done to him, great to hear good News!

It's a great story about parents really listening to their child, and setting aside all the concerns about status, discipline, etc. Congratulations on doing this @Smallwinscount

But it's not about an RG university vs a non-RG - it's about a young person not knowing what they really really want to do and study. It's about a young person working that out, with very sensible parental support.

This is why I wish a gap year - or even two - were compulsory. Too many young people don't quite know what they want to do and 3 years of study is really far too much like hard unpleasant work if you make the wrong choice.

I wish there were a recognition that many young people need some time, to step off the qualifications-exams-achieve! treadmill, in order to find what their true interest (even passion) is. I'm glad your DS found it, OP.

Thanks guys, so proud of him (and taking the parenting win, doesn’t happen that often 😁)

I do think there is something about the RG focus to be honest, he felt pressure (not from us) to go to an RG uni despite us talking about other options. Agree that course and place are so important, an enforced gap year may well be a good thing!

Yay well done to him!

Well done to your son!

I think that's excellent. Thank you for sharing this story. It goes to show not everything happens on a straight line trajectory.

Well done to your DS! Sometimes its hard for them to think of things like this as just a temporary setback. I went at 18 to University ( No idea if it was RG or if it was a thing in the early 90's) but I hated it- not really the course, but the living with other people- strange people suddenly loitering around on the sofas, dirty kitchens and bathrooms ( one of my housemates, instead of washing the spoons would lick them and put them back in the drawer!) Made one good female friend who came onto me and then when I didn't reciprocate didn't speak to me again ( She had come from a very homophobic society, was far away from home and was probably embarrassed, but at the time, 2x18 year olds couldn't really deal with it). I tell my DS that I cant really advise him because I disliked the experience so much. I felt like a massive failure at the time but came slinking home, got a job, did a degree part time, went to do a Masters full time a few years later and loved it. Now it makes no difference. I don't even bother mentioning that year and no one has asked about it!