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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Cleaner for uni house

38 replies

scattysue · 08/05/2025 00:24

DS has been sharing a house with 7 other boys (he is a 2nd year at uni). All good other than the kitchen is always a tip and really gets him down - no one sticks to rota, washing up sits there for days, bins are unemptiwd. He will be sharing again with these lads next year as they all get on like a house on fire! But I know how DS hates the mess and it will be his final year so I would like to ease his way. I would be happy to get a cleaner to come in to the house for 2 hours a week (£17 an hour) and, of course, I would not expect his housemates to contribute. Will this be well-received if I frame it as a gift?

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 08/05/2025 00:40

Bit rough on the cleaner.

I completely understand your motive but it doesn’t sit quite right. Something around them having no cost to having a (presumably) woman clean up their shit.

Gymly · 08/05/2025 00:41

I have no idea, but personally at that age I think I'd have hated it. The gift aspect in particular, because a gift is harder to say no to than a simple offer.

Your son has chosen to live with these friends knowing exactly what it's like. I think you should let him manage this on his own.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 08/05/2025 00:43

Two hours a week won't cut it as the kitchen will be back to the same state the next day. Your son is choosing to live there and he wants to live with them again next year. That's on him.

BlondiePortz · 08/05/2025 00:45

If he is old enough to live away from you he is old enough to sort this out on his own

InSpainTheRain · 08/05/2025 00:59

Ask him if he'd like it, there's your answer

LemograssLollipop · 08/05/2025 01:07

I understand you want to help your son but I also think at some point you have to let adult children stand on their own ffs. It's washing up, hardly a complex feat you need to be involved in. If he hates mess then he cleans it or has a big boy conversation with his house mates about dealing with it.
Isn't part of the uni experience learning life skills?

PoopingAllTheWay · 08/05/2025 01:11

2 hours a week will not be enough

The boys will also leave more mess knowing that the cleaner is coming

Can you buy a dishwasher instead?

DreamTheMoors · 08/05/2025 01:14

California here.
I can remember visiting a fraternity house when I was at uni and the kitchen was always spotless.
Those guys were disgusting, a mess - it never occurred to me to ask but they surely had someone (or many people) who went in and cleaned for them.
I also remember four friends who bought a house together and they had a cleaner in who cleaned their whole house. And young women can be just as messy as young men.
I think it’s definitely worth asking.

Catstare · 08/05/2025 06:44

He can obviously overcome his dislike of the mess as he’s going to live with the same people again. He’s decided he can handle it. You need to let him .

I think they need to sort these kind of things out themselves with their flatmates -a rota or a tally system or similar . Dressing a cleaner up as ‘a gift’ makes no difference to the fact that this is you stepping in . Resist the urge! . He needs to sort it -It’s all part of him learning to live independently and dealing with other people . If (as a group) they decide they want to hire a cleaner between them, then fine but it’s not your kitchen and not your mess

Aparecium · 08/05/2025 07:07

If they want a cleaner, then no reason they shouldn't employ one. But they should pay for the cleaner, not you. Between the lot of them, a two-hour visit would cost each the equivalent of a couple of beers at the SU bar.

Propose that to your ds and let him suggest it. That should be the limit of your involvement.

youreallygotmethere · 08/05/2025 07:07

Your DS needs to solve that problem, not you. The end of term / start of new term is his opportunity to try and get a better system in place. I bet he’s not the only person in his house who feels like that, so he should start there.

My DS loves those scrubbers that have washing up liquid in the handles, can’t remember what they’re called, but you can get them on Amazon. Maybe a big pack of those will help a bit??

turkeyboots · 08/05/2025 07:08

My brother and his housemates got themselves a cleaner in second year of university. Let them figure it out for themselves, it's the only way they'll learn. And your DS in learning a valuable lesson on cleaning and who to live with.

jolies1 · 08/05/2025 07:09

Part of uni life is learning how to stand on your own two feet and live with unrelated adults (and all the challenges that brings)

I wouldn’t pay a regular cleaner, they need to learn a bit of responsibility.

I would offer to pay / contribute to a deep clean at the end of every term as a compromise.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 08/05/2025 07:14

Don't.
My DD has similar problems.

My advice was either live with the mess or suck it up and clean yourself.

He's the one who is bothered by it - the others sadly are not. You can't change people who don't want to change.

It's harsh and unfair but he chooses to spend another year with them... so I gess it's suck it up. My DD just cleans... apparently she enjoys it! ???

AgnesX · 08/05/2025 07:29

Out of curiosity would you do it if your son was a daughter?

I wouldn't, they need to to work as a team (and preferably before they go on to live with some poor woman) so don't facilitate their bad behaviour.

How you might facilitate better behaviour is a different kettle of fish!

Seeyousoonboo · 08/05/2025 07:31

No. They are young adults learning to navigate life which includes relationships and independence, you offering a cleaner is not teaching them either not to mention it is a shared house and the others may not like it. I say this as a parent with 2 DC currently at Uni and often have to sit on my hands, keep my mouth shut and let them find their own way.

Gundogday · 08/05/2025 07:32

If they have a cleaner, they all pay. For a house of eight, that will only be £4 per week. Someone needs to be organised and get the money upfront up every month (or termly) or someone will end up forking out.

i don’t think it’s that uncommon to be honest.

BangersAndGnash · 08/05/2025 07:34

Total waste of money. It will just pile up worse ‘because the cleaner is coming’. Or at best stay clean until the first meal after the cleaner leaves.

LeticiaMorales · 08/05/2025 07:34

Dear lord no. That's how they're choosing to live, let them get on with it. As pp said, a couple of hours after the cleaner, it would be back to the way it was. I suspect because these young men have always been cleaned up after.....
They'll sort it when they want their deposit back.

TartanMammy · 08/05/2025 07:35

A domestic cleaner doesn't usually do stuff like emptying bins and doing dishes. My house is already tidy before my cleaner comes so she can just clean.

Teenage boys would possibly leave even worse mess in anticipation of the cleaner comes. Part of being a student is learning to tame responsibility for household tasks like cleaning up after yourself.

ShaftesburyParker · 08/05/2025 07:36

Even if you wanted to do this, I doubt whether any good cleaner would want to work in this property.

Aixellency · 08/05/2025 07:42

Good grief. His housemates would crucify him with teasing. And openly call him a ‘Mummy’s boy.’

He’s at university. Half of the experience of attending uni away from home is learning to live with others and manage your household and life. If they want a cleaner they must organise this. Not you.

fortyfifty · 08/05/2025 08:11

Most students complain about the state of the kitchen. If it was getting your ds down too much, beyond the common complaining, he'd choose to live in different accommodation next year. Leave them to it.

Original poster

scattysue · 08/05/2025 11:52

Overwhelming consensus is to leave him to it so that's what I will do. I must fight the temptation to step in as I do know he is an adult! Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

VanCleefArpels · 08/05/2025 14:53

Terrible message that they can make mess for a woman (because it will be a woman) to come and clean up after them

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