Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Horse at water not drinking all that much - revision woes.

23 replies

Dogdidmyhomework · 04/04/2025 16:03

DC is doing some revision for A levels but nowhere near as much as they need or could do. They have an Oxbridge offer but is going to miss it at this rate and while they should be ok for their insurance, the recent set of mock results were not exactly reassuring.

The anxiety I and his dad are suffering is awful and I am stuck between DP catastrophising and DC's (apparent) nonchalance.

We've tried most things - I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not the only one.

OP posts:
Chaseandstatus · 04/04/2025 16:08

You are not the only one! I also have a horse who isn’t thirsty. Nevertheless I leave bowls of water about and pretend to be casual. Fingers crossed for your DC and mine OP.

WreckingBallbyBruce · 04/04/2025 16:11

Can I join? DD has a fab offer she desperately wants, but missed by one grade in her mocks. She just seems to have lost interest and wants to spend time with her non-A Level friends. Her insurance offer is definitely achievable but I know she wants her first choice. Trying to gently encourage but not nag - it’s very hard going :(

Chaseandstatus · 04/04/2025 16:19

WreckingBallbyBruce · 04/04/2025 16:11

Can I join? DD has a fab offer she desperately wants, but missed by one grade in her mocks. She just seems to have lost interest and wants to spend time with her non-A Level friends. Her insurance offer is definitely achievable but I know she wants her first choice. Trying to gently encourage but not nag - it’s very hard going :(

I feel your pain, mine has friends in their 20s who keep inviting her places and I really want them not to! They should know better imo.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 04/04/2025 16:31

The difficulty may well be that he’s feeling anxious. He knows what he has to do. I’m not sure raising it is going to help. The thing to avoid, just as much as exam failure, is success but at a price of very high anxiety in future exam situations.

DeborahVance · 04/04/2025 16:47

I'm in the same boat. I think he is just too anxious to engage with it. Honestly, I am not sure that there is anything I can do.

SpringerSprockerCocker · 04/04/2025 16:59

I’ve been through this. DC worked very diligently during A level course. Predicted all A stars and offers from all universities for an extremely competitive course. Then in Easter holidays stopped working and spent most of time just chilling, apparently without a care in the world! DH and I were quietly panicking but didn’t say anything apart from dropping in a few nonchalant comments about exam timetables etc(just on the off chance they had forgotten they were happening!) Then towards the end of the Easter break the focus returned and they worked like a machine right through. Four A stars. Afterwards DC said they needed a total break as they felt they might peak too early or just burn out. I think you’ve got to leave them to it but it can be so stressful. Good luck

MargaretThursday · 04/04/2025 17:06

Ds is the same. Doing some with a combination of threats and bribes, but nothing like enough.
He'll say "stop nagging" if I suggest he does some. But doesn't do any unless he's nagged.

He should (but not definitely) make his offer even if he has a disaster, I think. But it's frustrating, because if he worked he could be souring above it with no worries.

titchy · 04/04/2025 17:19

Can you accept he’s going to end up at his insurance offer?

it’s a confidence thing. If he doesn’t get the Ox grades then he can rightly say it’s because he didn’t work hard enough. If he slogs his guts out and still doesn’t make the grade that tells him he was never that bright.

Ineedcoffeenow · 04/04/2025 17:33

Also trying to push DD to revise. She struggles to get down to it in her bedroom. I think it’s a psychological thing where she can’t switch her mind on in that environment. She just can’t seem to focus so I’m encouraging her out the house tomorrow to go work at the local library. She’s done that quite a few times and it seems to work/help.

Original poster
Dogdidmyhomework · 04/04/2025 18:15

titchy · 04/04/2025 17:19

Can you accept he’s going to end up at his insurance offer?

it’s a confidence thing. If he doesn’t get the Ox grades then he can rightly say it’s because he didn’t work hard enough. If he slogs his guts out and still doesn’t make the grade that tells him he was never that bright.

Yes I think you've got a point there and as much as I'd love going around saying my dc is at Cambridge at every opportunity, I'd be happy with the insurance and so would they be it's just that the latest mocks went a bit pear shaped in a subject they've always been very strong in so that's a bit worrying.

Anyway I feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one suffering and have also eaten some chocolate biscuits which helped too.

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 04/04/2025 18:19

Dogdidmyhomework · 04/04/2025 18:15

Yes I think you've got a point there and as much as I'd love going around saying my dc is at Cambridge at every opportunity, I'd be happy with the insurance and so would they be it's just that the latest mocks went a bit pear shaped in a subject they've always been very strong in so that's a bit worrying.

Anyway I feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one suffering and have also eaten some chocolate biscuits which helped too.

Show quote history

I think for ds it's more that I know he's capable of far more than he will achieve, and I find that frustrating.
If he was working well and achieving this I'd be happy. But the fact he won't work unless pushed makes me fear that either he'll drift through life never really settling to anything because he'll give up when it seems hard, or will hit a point he can't go further because of his results.

Ineedcoffeenow · 04/04/2025 19:00

I also think that a lack of confidence is affecting DD. She really struggles with dyslexia and has to work so much harder than the other kids. She gets very disheartened.

SpringerSprockerCocker · 04/04/2025 20:27

Dogdidmyhomework · 04/04/2025 18:15

Yes I think you've got a point there and as much as I'd love going around saying my dc is at Cambridge at every opportunity, I'd be happy with the insurance and so would they be it's just that the latest mocks went a bit pear shaped in a subject they've always been very strong in so that's a bit worrying.

Anyway I feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one suffering and have also eaten some chocolate biscuits which helped too.

Show quote history

It's also a good exercise for your DC to really work out how he feels about the pressure of Cambridge. I have DC at Oxbridge and it is very intense. They've got to really want to do it and know how to decompress too. It's all about them and our feelings are really secondary.

Chaseandstatus · 04/04/2025 21:24

This is my second DC and I know from experience they will do whatever they want by this point… people would say ‘if you have raised them well it will be fine’ and I would think well what about if I haven’t raised them well, then it’s a shit show and I’ve let them down!!

But worrying doesn’t help. I just try and keep a calm household with structure but not pressure.

Ineedcoffeenow · 05/04/2025 11:08

I give up. None of my encouragement makes a bit of difference. I know she struggles to work due to being dyslexic, which really slows her down, but she’s done next to nothing in the week she’s had off.

mondaytosunday · 05/04/2025 11:18

Yes chocolate biscuits to the rescue! This is not a problem I had with my DD (quite the opposite), but my DS would not revise for his GCSEs. Did all the encouraging, printed out reams of past papers, bought extra study aids, a tutor for a couple subjects. He bombed (doing much worse than mocks) and I’m sure it was very humiliating for him and I felt guilty for years. But I couldn’t take the exams for him - it was really down to him.
A break may be what he needs, or maybe as PP says his confidence is wavering. All you can do is be supportive.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 05/04/2025 12:46

It’s his life, his university offer, and his exams

If he won’t study, there’s nothing you can do.

SapporoBaby · 05/04/2025 12:48

Honestly? Leave them be. It’s their future and their choice. I could have done better at both GCSE and A Level if I’d tried more but I did OK. Mum pushing wouldn’t have helped.

i

Balloonhearts · 05/04/2025 13:18

I'd make them more involved in household finances. Teach them how to balance a budget and show them exactly how much money comes in for how many hours worked and exactly what goes out and what they get for it.

How much you pay in tax out of your income, national insurance, pension etc, then bills, tv, food shopping and how much jobs currently pay. So average supermarket pays x per month, y of which they lose in tax. How much a doctor or a banker or a taxi driver, whichever career they are hoping for, can expect in comparison to the low skilled jobs they will have to settle for if they don't pass.

Really spell out what they will get vs what lifestyle they want. It's all very well us telling them they won't be able to afford this and that but when they see the actual number and do the math and see what a 2 bed house actually costs and realise how big a salary they will actually have to live on, it will sink in better.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 05/04/2025 14:15

Balloonhearts · 05/04/2025 13:18

I'd make them more involved in household finances. Teach them how to balance a budget and show them exactly how much money comes in for how many hours worked and exactly what goes out and what they get for it.

How much you pay in tax out of your income, national insurance, pension etc, then bills, tv, food shopping and how much jobs currently pay. So average supermarket pays x per month, y of which they lose in tax. How much a doctor or a banker or a taxi driver, whichever career they are hoping for, can expect in comparison to the low skilled jobs they will have to settle for if they don't pass.

Really spell out what they will get vs what lifestyle they want. It's all very well us telling them they won't be able to afford this and that but when they see the actual number and do the math and see what a 2 bed house actually costs and realise how big a salary they will actually have to live on, it will sink in better.

She’s talking about the difference between him going to Oxbridge and another presumably decent uni, not between being a dr and a taxi driver.

crazycrofter · 05/04/2025 16:50

In case it helps ease your worries, here are the courses that were in clearing at Nottingham last year:

https://www.nottingham.ac.uk/ugstudy/clearing/clearing-important-notice/clearing-important-notice-home-students.aspx

Ds did no work and had very low attendance until March of year 13 😩 He did then attempt to teach himself all the content and did respectably considering the circumstances but nowhere near his capability. He’s had a year out and is hoping to find a course at a decent university in clearing! There’s lots on this list he could have gone for last summer with his grades. I’m pretty sure once he has a degree he won’t even need to list his A Level grades on his CV. So all is not lost if your kids underperform! And on the plus side, Ds has matured and now wants to prove himself…

Clearing - Important notice - Home students

https://www.nottingham.ac.uk/ugstudy/clearing/clearing-important-notice/clearing-important-notice-home-students.aspx

tourdefrance · 05/04/2025 21:53

Same problem here. Hasn’t got time to come to parkrun but still having breakfast when we get back at 10am. Has a 2 hour lunch break, then decides to go to the shops to buy some sweets….

Chaseandstatus · 06/04/2025 08:34

crazycrofter · 05/04/2025 16:50

In case it helps ease your worries, here are the courses that were in clearing at Nottingham last year:

https://www.nottingham.ac.uk/ugstudy/clearing/clearing-important-notice/clearing-important-notice-home-students.aspx

Ds did no work and had very low attendance until March of year 13 😩 He did then attempt to teach himself all the content and did respectably considering the circumstances but nowhere near his capability. He’s had a year out and is hoping to find a course at a decent university in clearing! There’s lots on this list he could have gone for last summer with his grades. I’m pretty sure once he has a degree he won’t even need to list his A Level grades on his CV. So all is not lost if your kids underperform! And on the plus side, Ds has matured and now wants to prove himself…

The thing is, I know all that, but it’s almost like it’s not a worry it’s just that feeling when you are sitting on the sidelines. I watched my eldest go through this phase and I know the rollercoaster… it’s just wierd watching my youngest on it now too…

New posts on this thread. Refresh page