Idly pondering this idea

[GinghamSkirt]

I work in a big university, partly student facing and I really enjoy the interactions I have with students. I have adult DC who have been to uni so I have a good understanding of being a university parent.

I would love a job where parents of uni age students - even just first years - could pay me to be a uni mum to their offspring 🤣
Perhaps those very far away from home or very young.
I could check in with them, buy them little treats, meet them for lunch/coffee and a cosy chat, be a listening ear, signpost them to uni services, buy them a birthday cake etc 🤣
I know this is not a real thing and everyone’s already strapped for cash in the UK, especially when you have kids at uni ironically! But it’s a nice idea in my head at least.

It wouldn’t appeal to everyone of course - the parent might want it but the student might not! This is when they have a chance to try out being an adult away from their parents and fend for themselves, but I would be more of a safety net/ slightly distanced support when needed.

Are there any circumstances under which you could imagine this being a thing?

Ok partly I’m day dreaming about how to make a change to my mainly office based working life, I admit it 🤣 But it’s a nice idea.

Along these lines… a mentor at uniform SEN students. Though I imagine these are usually other students.

Yes true, there are student support type roles, but I was thinking something a bit more personal and less university defined.
I suppose that’s probably the direction I should be looking in realistically!

to be honest these days with face time and online ordering/delivery most of the things you mentioned can be done by the parents - cosy chats can be done any time over the phone, birthday cakes can be delivered etc etc.

I remember being really sick in 1st year if university and would have loved a "mum" to pick up my prescription and go shopping and make me food. And to check in that I was actually getting better! Flat mates helped a bit, but more support would have been great as I felt very lonely and miserable.
Not sure what you'd call that, or if there's a market though!

my brother had a paid role for a year as a 'mentor' to a (v rich insecure overseas) university student. he met the student occasionally, talked things over, then helped student transfer to a better university etc.

When my children first went to uni another mother from their school did a survey to gauge feasibility of a business idea of putting together care parcels for student offspring. I’m not sure how many responses she got but mine was to say that the whole point of a care package was that the parent was thinking about the child and one put together by someone else just wouldn’t have the same impact. Same for the sort of service you’re suggesting.

Nah…..I don’t think creating more care-work type roles for women (let’s face it, you wouldn’t float the idea of a “care-dad” would you…?) - to make the transition to adulthood smoother for men and women isn’t the right idea.

There's people who do this in the States https://www.parents.com/parents-hiring-stand-in-moms-for-college-students-8304174

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/02/28/concierge-mom-parenting-college-students/72749104007/

@MindlessDaydream yes I came across that when I was searching online! I can see why it would work better in the US to be honest.
@alongtimeagoandfaraway well yes absolutely, you can send anything anywhere these days. This is more of a someone nearby who could stand in at times when needed. Perhaps for overseas students.
@turkeybootsyes that’s exactly what I’m thinking 🤣 It’s quite niche!
@parietal yes something like that could be interesting
@Ecrire dunno, I’m not a dad so wouldn’t have suggested it - was literally just thinking of a job I’d like to do, me personally, not creating more drudgery for women. Totally take your point that this doesn’t need to be a thing.

Thanks for the thoughts everyone, it’s useful to hear what you think.

Sorry, but it sounds awful. But then I'm a different generation and went to university when I'd only just turned 17. I needed to get away from a dominant mother - the last thing I wanted was another one!

Speaking as a personal tutor of long-standing, I don't actually think this kind of cotton-woolling helps students. For the sake of their learning and maturation, they really need to become independent. Independent living and independent thinking tend to go hand in hand.

If they have health challenges or learning disabilities, there will be support via student services. Again, they need to learn strategies to navigate these - because they'll need to do that throughout their lives.

Search “UK university guardianships” online and you’ll see many companies that offer a guardianship service to international students who are studying in the UK. The students are usually 16-18 years old from overseas but because they are under 18 some universities require the students to have a UK guardian so use a company for this if they don’t have family here.
I worked in international student support at Universities and also a brief period at an FE college so this was common and a known about requirement for under 18 yr olds. It may be more formal than you were thinking but that could be good to protect you too.

Some guardians would meet the students every term for a coffee/catch up, maybe pick up from airport and help during first few weeks then reduce contact, or the students may make special arrangements with guardians over the holiday times. It varied the level of involvement depending on the student and what their parents wanted but for a 16-18yr old could be the supportive face to face adult they need in a new country.

Well I think it sounds great personally, as the mother of a summer born son with ADHD who is definitely a bit behind the curve maturity wise. I’d be interested! But I agree maybe the average student less so. I know there are some support services etc but I do think this would be something extra and not offered by them.

I do understand people saying don’t cotton wool them and they need to grow up etc but students do vary widely in how mature they are, and I think it would be great to have someone local to reach out to in moments where you feel you need your mum, if she can’t be there.

I had puerpural psychosis after having him and my mum who lives in another part of the U.K., hired me a postnatal doula who did a lot of the sort of stuff for me that you mention here. It was much appreciated, yes not quite the same impact as having my mum by my side at all times but I’d have struggled a lot without her and we became close.

@LittleBigHead fair enough 🤣 It’s not something everyone would want, most definitely! I agree that encouraging independence is the right way to go for most students, most of the time.

@stanspan I will look into guardianships, thank you, that sounds interesting.

@Britneyfanthank you, that’s the sort of situation I was thinking about.