in desperate need of some ‘mum’ advice

[ForTealViewer]

hi,

I’ve really messed up with uni and I think my life to be honest, I need desperate help. I attended one in September 22. Left in December 22.

Tried again at a different uni, first year went really well (top grades, awards etc) and then the pressure of second year just got to me and I had an absolute breakdown. I felt like I didn’t enjoy my subject anymore, felt like I wasn’t capable etc. so I am currently on an ‘interruption’.

I feel like my heart is not in my subject at all, I’ve lost all interest, but I can’t tell whether that is the anxiety and subsequent depression (as diagnosed by my GP).

At the end of the semester, I did a really stupid thing and took tablets, which I know in hindsight I shouldn’t have done, something took over me and I just couldn’t stop- I know how ridiculous that sounds.

Even if I do leave uni totally, reasonable jobs that do not require a degree (e.g cabin crew), would not take me with this medical history.

I’ve lost thousands of pounds, a really lovely group of friends, a boyfriend, my family are so disappointed in me.

I am 21, all my friends are graduating uni this year, and have done really successfully. I am now back at square one, with no funding left to do any other course, feeling like an 18 year old all over again. This sounds ridiculous but I really have lost all energy to do anything, have no motivation and genuinely cannot see any way out, the thoughts from the end of my December term have definitely come back.

I have always worked so hard, achieving 2 x A star’s and A’s in my Alevels, academic awards, extra curricular activities etc, and I feel like all my hard work has gone to waste. University has left me depressed, jobless and in loads of debt and I do not even know whether I want to return. And, now I am out of funding, I cannot feasibly return. I am at such a loss of what to do and genuinely cannot see many ways out, I feel like I have wasted my potential and feel like such a failure. I really do not see much of a way out, but am stopping myself from doing anything stupid, due to my family, but that is the only reason.

Just need some ‘mum advice’ as my mum is so disappointed in me, she refuses to speak about it

And that idea from @Xmasbeckons is worth investigating also. It may be more interesting and pay better than being a care assistant, while ypu go part time. I wonder if it can be combined with study?

Hello

Im sorry to hear that your mum isn’t able to support you, and has her own mental health issues to deal with. And that you has to become her carer at such a young age. I have a good friend whose mum suffered serious depression throughout her childhood and teens (and still does) and it has has a lasting impact on my friend and her siblings.

is your dad around OP? Do you have any other family members who are in your corner?

I’m just going to sound a note of caution. Social work can be an extremely stressful and harrowing job. You will be presented with many, many situations where you are not able to make anyone happy - indeed, you will undoubtedly have clients who are extremely distressed and angry with decisions that you have to make. And you will frequently find yourself exposed to very, very sad situations, with no happy ending in sight. You need to be pretty robust to withstand that. I’m concerned that your desire to experience the ‘joy of making people happy’ stems from exposure to your mums depression and your understandable desire to make her ‘better’ and ‘happy’. Just go canny. Focus on getting yourself back on track first, before dedicating yourself to helping others.

You're 21 so have LOTS of time to get ahead. I did multiple higher degrees but I really don't think you need to go to uni nowadays to be successful. Go to uni if you have something in mind and think you can stick at it. If not, just get your foot in the door at an office job -- temping, admin assistant. They'll recognise a smart, hard worker and you'll get promoted to other opportunities. Then you can get some money behind you and choose a particular path if you want.

OP where in the world are you ? You use the word “semester”, which makes me think you are abroad ? That might change advice given.
At half way through, it probably is worth ploughing on if at all possible, to get that degree qualification and then doing a masters in something you love more. It is sometimes possible to change to a different course, is this an option ?
So many people have a wobble at university, it isn’t at all uncommon. I know a lot of people who changed their course, or did a masters in something that wasn’t an obvious choice . Life at university is a huge shift and some people aren’t really ready emotionally for that.
Do you know what the main problem for you is ? Eg is this depression making you feel overwhelmed -as you seem to have been coping well academically - or is it that you are lacking engagement with your subject, because you aren’t actually very interested ? Working out what the root of the problem is will help.
What is certain is that you are really young, and this is not at all going to ruin your life, it’s just a tricky patch, so don’t take it too seriously and mark yourself as a failure, or compare yourself to other people.

@ForTealViewer please look at degree apprenticeships in a preferred subject.

You are employed and train/learn as part of your role.
Your employer essentially funds the training.

You have not exhausted your options or thrown anything away.
It's all life lessons and instead of just getting on with it....you are learning resilience, adapting to change and learning about yourself. This is not failure and will not define you in a negative way, use it as an opportunity for change and fulfilment.