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Original poster

Oxbridge Graduates

27 replies

Givm · 03/01/2025 12:56

Question to those who are Oxbridge graduates or have DC who are Oxbridge graduates.

Would you say that you feel that University stays with you throughout your life? As in even after graduating do you still feel connected to the institution, do you go back for alumni events?

Or is it a more of a "it was fun while I was there but that's in the past".

OP posts:
CuriousGeorge80 · 03/01/2025 13:09

It stays with you for life in my experience, through (a) the friendships formed there, and (b) the doors it opens. I don't really go back and do alumni stuff now (I did for a few years after I left) but it's still very much a part of me.

Mielbee · 03/01/2025 13:14

I still feel some connection and have been for one event. It is a unique experience, going to Oxbridge, I think.

I haven't really kept in touch with friends from then (it's my school friends that have stood the test of time), but did meet my husband there, so maybe that was enough!

MonopolyQueen · 03/01/2025 13:17

I remain very grateful and proud of my education and “invested” in the continued reputation and success of my college and university. But now at the half century I don’t really feel any direct connection as my career took a turn away from my undergraduate degree.

It seems a bit like another version of me, another life tbh. Probably because I didn’t really live up to my early potential!

Octavia64 · 03/01/2025 13:20

I don't go back for alumni events.

I still meet up with friends I made there (many of us have stayed quite local).

I have donated money.

They were incredibly helpful to me in many ways while I was there - the medical team at the college in particular and I don't forget that.

I have left a legacy in my will.

Original poster
Givm · 03/01/2025 14:25

Do you ever go back for the balls?

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 03/01/2025 18:35

Felt a bit scarred by the experience, to be honest, and I only started going back for events once it had paled a bit. (Given that all of my children have either autism or ADHD or both, I suspect that might have had something to do with it.)

My college is beautiful, though, and my friends are for life.

Lancelottie · 03/01/2025 18:36

Balls? Perish the thought!

Juja · 03/01/2025 18:50

A group of us from college meet for a weekend in a different place every year so that has been a huge influence on my life.

I go back to alumni events from time to time e.g. to a gaudy when I know a group of friends from my year will be there. Going to a college ball would seem weird to me - leave that to the current generation or recent graduates...

Bejinxed · 03/01/2025 19:01

No to Balls. I think it would feel a bit weird now.

I met DH at Cambridge and we still meet up with friends from there but just at the pub, not at college events.

I occasionally go to talks in London on my degree subject and meet up with some other people who are there, but I don't use my degree for work so that side of it definitely feels like it is in the past.

FreedomofGroovement · 03/01/2025 19:11

Haven’t been back for over a decade now but for a few years after I graduated I would go back about once a year, for a ball or sometimes an event at the Union. I don’t really keep in touch with people from college but what it gave me was an unimpeachable sense of confidence that I deserve a place at the table, wherever that table is, and I’m grateful for that (especially as I didn’t go to a private school so didn’t get it from that).

Original poster
Givm · 04/01/2025 13:05

Bejinxed · 03/01/2025 19:01

No to Balls. I think it would feel a bit weird now.

I met DH at Cambridge and we still meet up with friends from there but just at the pub, not at college events.

I occasionally go to talks in London on my degree subject and meet up with some other people who are there, but I don't use my degree for work so that side of it definitely feels like it is in the past.

You go to talks in London?

I work in London and try and find public lectures to go to. I'd like to hear more.

OP posts:
Retrecir · 04/01/2025 17:13

Yes, 30+ years on, I still get newsletters from both the university and my college, regular invitations to all sorts of things (from lectures to garden parties, dinners to carol services), and lots of begging letters!

I used to go back quite a bit to start with, but haven't been for a while now. I'll probably go to my next 'gaudy' which must be due soon - a fancy college dinner which your year group is invited to every seven years. I went back to a ball once in my 30s and it just felt weird.

I still feel attached - particularly to my college - it was a wonderful three years and made a huge mark on who I am. I would dearly love DD to go, and she is looking capable, but I'm wary of putting on any pressure.

sonjadog · 04/01/2025 17:19

I have never been to alumni events, balls etc.I went to my 20 year reunion, but that was it. I wouldn’t say it has formed my life at all, apart from that I still have friends that I made there. Career-wise I don’t know of any benefit it has had for me, but maybe employers were impressed by it? I couldn’t say as it has never really come up.

sonjadog · 04/01/2025 17:21

Saying that, there is no alumni group where I live. If I lived somewhere where there was one and I wanted to expand my social circle/ try new activities, I would possibly go along to an event.

hotchocfiend · 04/01/2025 17:43

Never go to alumni events though I get all the emails! It definitely stays with you in the sense of the connections you make - have ended up meeting / working with a lot of fellow grads over the years (I'm in the arts).

I still help out with a charity I helped with while there now I'm older and supposedly wiser!

Like others said it would be weird to return to a ball - they're definitely just for students.

OublietteBravo · 04/01/2025 17:53

I’m a committee member for an alumni society that supports the Boat Club at my Oxford college. I give money to both my Oxford and my Cambridge colleges. I’ve been back for a gaudy.

From a career perspective, I’ve found being an Oxbridge graduate has opened a lot of doors for me. I’m not sure I’d have been as successful without my Oxbridge education.

JulesJules · 05/01/2025 16:40

DH still gets Cam magazine, and donates to his college (student hardship fund) and has remained friends with people he met there. Also mutters at various actors/celebs on TV "I was at university with her" etc.
D1 has only recently graduated and is about to go back for post-grad. I think she'd say the best thing was meeting her lovely boyfriend.

Original poster
Givm · 05/01/2025 16:54

@JulesJules how lovely for your DD :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Givm · 05/01/2025 16:56

My mind draws now to if any London based Oxbridge grads here become members at the Oxford and Cambridge club

OP posts:
periodiclabel · 12/01/2025 12:39

Why are you asking OP? I speak as an Oxbridge graduate who thinks the reveration of these two places is pretty ridiculous.

I don't see why any Oxbridge graduate should feel any more affection/affiliation towards their uni than any graduate from any other university.

Nearly all students make one or two lifelong friends at uni wherever they go. My dh who didn't go to Oxbridge keeps in touch with far more uni friends than I do. But both of us would agree that fixating on three or four years of your life when you're 20-ish is not healthy, it's what happens after you graduate that's really impactful.

aramox1 · 30/01/2025 04:31

Loathed my college (full of posh bigots), dreadful lack of teaching, never been back! Nor have most of the friends I met there.

poodlegrouse · 30/01/2025 04:44

I think anyone's university experience stays with them for life. Oxbridge has helped me sometimes in my career, and has hindered me at other times. I've learnt not to mention it now unless specifically relevant because it's often perceived as me showing off or people think I'm up myself. I've lost touch with pretty much everyone I was friends with then and when I look people up I think that very few have stayed in touch in reality (and those are the ones who came from very similar backgrounds).

I can't imagine anything worse than going back for a ball, and it took a long time to get back to who I was after graduating. It also took me a long time to understand what 'normal' was academically which both meant I undervalued my strengths and also that I completely hit social conversations wrong sometimes.

Plus they completely missed my autism despite recognising my mental health crisis. I'm not sure I can really blame them for that though as women of course didn't have autism in the 90s.

I don't regret going, but I sometimes wonder whether my life would have been better if I'd gone somewhere else.

poodlegrouse · 30/01/2025 05:20

aramox1 · 30/01/2025 04:31

Loathed my college (full of posh bigots), dreadful lack of teaching, never been back! Nor have most of the friends I met there.

Teaching was terrible I agree. Not everyone were posh bigots but a very different group of people to the type of people I was used to. And I was private school educated.

Plus complete lack of any sort of encouragement academically unless you were self motivated and pushing yourself. I spent my time there genuinely believing I was average or below average for the course and that was just that (I objectively wasn't - I got a first and that was primarily due to high grades on exams where original thought was required). The right academic support would have had me realising my potential and shown me what I could achieve if I focused on the correct areas. I don't know if it would have made a difference (and I'm happy with my life so no regrets) but I look back and am shocked by how little the academic staff actually cared.

Tel12 · 30/01/2025 05:25

DD has strong friendship group but rarely returns. DS pretty much hated it.

tortoise18 · 30/01/2025 06:06

aramox1 · 30/01/2025 04:31

Loathed my college (full of posh bigots), dreadful lack of teaching, never been back! Nor have most of the friends I met there.

Name and shame! (Although first guess from the 90s would be M, O)

There were certainly a few with that rep back in the day, but really don't think it's the case now.