How are your DC deciding their careers?

[Bdjdjsns]

I'm curious are your DC deciding on something that they feel genuinely passionate about? Or are they looking at careers purely by what pays the most?

Just want to hear a variety of views.

So would I, if that's where my DCs abilities and interest lay. My DD was rightfully outraged by her year 1 teacher telling her 'girls can't be builders', but tbh it's probably just as well she really meant 'engineer' in a field where small hands are an asset rather than a liability!

DS (now 25) decided wrote in a school thing when he was 11 that he wanted to work with computers. It was his passion - he loved maths/ puzzles etc. He did a computer science degree and is now a software engineer earning big bucks.

Other DS (22) is very arty and decided to do drama, which has the worst outcomes in terms of income levels/ job security. He's currently training to be an actor, but is realistic about his chances. He is also passionate about film directing & production/ editing etc and secretly DH and I think that is the industry he will end up in!

Yes, about 50% of the kids at our DS's independent school:

Dad1: dentist - Child 2 - dentistry degree
Dad 2 In finance - Child doing Economics/ City finance
Mum1 - Actuary - Child 2 - Studying Actuarial Science

It's depressing!!

I only ask because a friend of DD did economics and whilst his parents were keen for him to work in the city in finance, he's instead working as an economist in the civil service.

DD15 is very academically gifted and is currently focused on going for Law. She is passionate about this but is also choosing it partly for a good salary. I think if money didn't matter, she might choose journalism or being an author and she might still.

Her twin sister wants to go into something perhaps related to Graphics designing or she wants to be a PE teacher. She's definitely just thinking about what she loves and wants to do, couldn't care less about the money.

Not too sure about my younger ones, they have ideas about what they want to be but these will definitely change and fluctuate and they aren't thinking about genuinely what they'll enjoy or money or anything like that!

Absolutely.

DD had several peers at medical school who seemed quite unhappy to be there. Some had very little agency indeed. Their father chose their course, he would would choose who they married, and in one case the girl could not even have a haircut without her father's permission.

It was not just the Muslim girls. An international student Chinese friend of DS' struggled through her economics degree, finding the maths really hard. She had wanted to study liberal arts but the father believed that LSE was a better brand than her other offers. Equally some of the London Russians could be prescriptive. Others as well but to a lesser degree.

This is where the US system with its greater breadth has an advantage. DCs peers managed dual majors in things like Music and Maths, or Economics and Theatre. (The latter is now thriving in a job with a major entertainment company.)

Mine have taken decisions based on interests and desired lifestyle / income level. They all understand that there are tradeoffs to be made. I think it helps that DH and I both do jobs we genuinely like, in very different sectors, with different advantages / drawbacks.

@Bdjdjsns I have seen some cultural differences regarding how much parents push dc into certain careers. I remember my local garage owner/businessman being aghast when DD was doing a MFL degree. He thought she should do dentistry or be a doctor. To answer your question earlier: DD1 wanted to be a barrister. She is but via a MFL degree. Earns a lot and always wanted to.

DD1 has had a sideways move. Studied a niche creative fashion degree but is now an interior designer. Not followed the money!

DD1 went straight into work after A levels, did various office based jobs and has ended up in internal comms which she really enjoys. Decent pay and plays to her strengths.

DD2 took a MFL degree because she enjoyed it and wanted to have the opportunity to spend a year abroad. Didn't have any specific career plans so applied for lots of grad schemes. Ended up in as an accountant with a big 4 firm and is chasing the money.

DD3 has always loved science and by the time she started A levels she was fascinated by brains and how they work. She is in her first year at uni studying neuroscience and hopes to go into clinical research and / or neuropharmacology. Realises she won't earn as much as DD2 but wants to follow her passion. Also realises that she will need a PhD and it is a long road, from which she can exit and any time and change direction if her interests change.

Some kids just always know what they want to do and follow it through. Our neighbour's DD wanted to be a hairdresser from when she was a toddler. She had a Saturday job in a salon at 14, left school at 16, was Level 3 qualified at 17, running a salon in her early 20s, and now in her late 20s teaches hairdressing at college and is an assessor for apprentices and trainees.

Like bar or restaurant or shop work, nannying, etc?

Absolutely nothing wrong with any of those jobs, just the graduates aren’t planning to do them forever.

Like bar or restaurant or shop work, nannying, etc?

Absolutely nothing wrong with any of those jobs, just the graduates aren’t planning to do them forever.

I think the one huge advantage of DC knowing where they want to be or what career area post degree (vital for lots of humanities degrees) means DC can tailor work experience or actual work and what societies dc belong to at uni. They have a goal in mind. It can go wrong but I remember DD1 applying for loads of mini pupillages. If she had not had a career in mind, these opportunities would not have been thought about.

Parents are very lucky if they can help dc. We had no idea for either of them. We had to research along with DD! So positive vibes for her career and ditto DD2 but actual guidance from us was minimal. The young people we see not achieving their goals are somewhat disorganized and see their degree(s) as the only thing needed to succeed. This might be true for stem but not for humanities. It’s not even true for some stem degrees either! Having a strategy matters these days I feel.

DS did Maths - a subject he always excelled in and which he loved at Uni - and is now wanting, but struggling, to get into software. It's now a matter of get a job, any job, and take it from there. I don't think many people know what they want until they've started work and get a better idea of their own strengths and wants.
DD did Creative Music Tech and, after doing some bum min wage jobs, got into what she thought was her dream job (Foley), but it turned out to be a nightmare and nearly broke her. Now working as a Producer in media, and still thinking what she really wants.
My advice is do what you love at Uni then you're more likely to come out with a good degree. Who knows what the jobs of the future will be, so develop those soft skills that everybody wants and be open-minded.

Medicine doesn't even pay all that well in the UK

To be more specific: the NHS does not pay well, is disorganised and is not a great employer. However there is a growing private health sector in the UK, and plenty of other places happy to hire British trained doctors.

As well as Australia and NZ I understand that there is an exodus towards the Gulf, particularly Dubai, where salaries are good and taxes low.

Yes I meant the NHS. Fair point.

However there is a growing private health sector in the UK, and plenty of other places happy to hire British trained doctors.

None of which have made any contribution to the cost of training them.

Not the individual student's/doctor's responsibility, I know, but government urgently needs to recoup a proportion of training costs from private-sector employers to contribute to the funding of future medical/health profession students.

@Bdjdjsns young people may need to apply for many jobs before they get an interview, never mind an offer, so it is worthwhile being flexible.

My DS did a degree in economics & stats, because that's what he enjoyed at school. At the start of his second year he started to apply for penultimate-year summer internships..He looked at dozens of advertised roles and applied for the ones he found interesting. He applied for about 12 before he was offered an interview and then then the role, which he accepted. He did the summer internship this year. It went well and he enjoyed it so, when they subsequently offered him a permanent graduate role starting September 2025, he accepted. That will set him on the path towards becoming an actuary. So, he sort of chose his path, but also his path sort of chose him - a different throw of the dice might have landed him a different internship offer and a different path, e.g. data scientist, or economic analyst.

A personal view, and forgive the huge generalisations, but I think people who are members of a diaspora, whether because the family needed to seek refuge or move for economic betterment, often have a different perspective. (Here I would include Jews post-war, overseas Chinese, people from the Indian sub-continent and more.) Education is important because education is portable. Whatever happens, and even if you need to flee, being a qualified medic should open doors wherever you end up. (I recognise that qualifications will not always be recognised, but the skills still exist and can be used in some form. For example I have been helping mentor a Ukrainian doctor who is about to take their English proficiency test, after which they should be able to find employment as a radiographer.)

This attitude survives into a second and possibly a third generation. I think a sense of security is often needed before young people feel free to pursue ambitions in the arts and humanities.

The other advantage open to children from a diaspora, is that they may well have family living in the country of origin, in other parts of the Anglophone world, in the Gulf, and elsewhere. So moving to find better employment/employer is not such a big deal.

I'm going to be honest and say I made this thread because I was unsure how much "advice" parents should give DC r.e. their careers.

@Bdjdjsns I got my advice in early, when my kids were young enough to absorb it without question. 🙃 I generally steered them towards STEM subjects. By the time they came to choosing their degrees it was very much their decision, but that early advice stuck.

When my son was 16, he had a conversation with my cousin who was a residential surveyor. He sold this career path to him and advised him what degree course to study.
My son is now 21, has a degree in Real Estate and is now a trainee residential surveyor.
He never considered any other career and, whilst I wouldn't say he was passionate about it, he certainly seems to be enjoying it and it's very well paid.
So a chance chat 5 years ago has led to this. We are so grateful to my cousin for planting the seed!

Fair enough. My DS was always good at maths, so I helped him develop and encouraged him.

Some kids need more advice than others of course. There's always useful general things re thinking about whether what they're thinking of fits with the sort of lifestyle they want, location, number of potential employers etc. Some STEM careers can be very niche and limit future choices, others may be more flexible.

Yep, it's perfectly natural for apples to not fall far from trees. My DH and I both have physics degrees and now analytical roles in IT and business. We were able to help our DC with their maths and physics (less so with economics) and they presumably absorbed our enthusiasm. As mentioned above DS1 will be training as an actuary, but DS2 has chosen to apply for a degree in civil engineering, so two quite different paths, yet both boys did the same A levels.