Financial support through university

[Plumpretty]

I am a bit confused about university finance and wondered if anyone can clarify. My children will only get the minimum loan when they go to university and I thought we, as parents, would have to make up the difference between minimum and maximum loan. We will just about be able to do this I think. However, on a Facebook group I am on, some people do not make up the difference at all and expect their children to get jobs. Are parents obliged to help or not? Is it a grey area? I am reading quite upsetting comments saying things like it is the student’s uni experience and not up to parents to support them by topping up their loan. But I thought it was?

This is a really interesting take and made me reflect. (rare)

Would I contribute if one of my DC chose a different, more expensive option for marriage, uni, first house to what I’d choose for them/the cheapest option?

Yes - for me, it wouldn’t make any difference. They are their own people, adults. I am contributing a set amount no matter what option they choose. Unless it was clearly a mistake (ie buying a property where they clearly couldn’t afford the monthly repayments etc).

I’d’ve hated and resented any contributions from my parents as conditional. I remember when younger that a friend of mine had parents help her with a house deposit but that they then expected a say in where she lived, even down to how she decorated and how often she was expected to have them to stay. I saved for years for my deposit with no parental help (this was aeons ago) and was always pleased I wasn’t beholden to my parents in the same way.

They did contribute to my wedding but it was just a lump sum given with no input or expectations.

I think financial help/contributions for adult children (in “normal” circs) should be string free, personally.

A gift should be string free but you normally get a choice over whether you give a gift and how much the gift would be and, as you say, if you think its a mistake you might withhold a gift you thought you might give.

But the description of topping up a student loan here isn't really a gift, it's stated like a moral obligation that I have to do these things - the government even suggests by how much, even if it puts me in hardship or I disagree with the aim. I'd feel differently about a deposit I had chosen to give v one the government suggested I had to give.

It's a very strange system. The student loan is based on parental income, the parent gets no say over whether a child does a degree, where they do it, how long the degree is. But is supposed to top it up regardless of other expenditure like younger disabled children.

Thank you @HPFA. That's very reassuring.

The academic side of the university and the actual campus were so impressive but I am worried about there not being anything happening. We already live somewhere quite dull and I don't want her going somewhere and then just watching Netflix on her own for three years.

But on the other hand I don't want to discourage her from picking a good university and a rigorous course because of social reasons!

I'd love to hear more after your visit. Thanks for replying.

@Timeforaglassofwine I will check my messages. Thank you.

@RitzyMcFee apologies for a brief thread detail. DS just graduated from Aber. Yes it is small and a long way from anywhere. But quite a buzzing community; lots of pubs, bars, cafes, restaurants (one of which was and presumably still is Michelin starred); quite an eclectic range of shops, and lots of independents rather than just all the usual chains, lots of clubs and societies, and being fairly remote means there is no mass exodus at the weekends. Then there are the beaches and stunning surrounding countryside. DS really enjoyed his time there. Lived on the sea front in 2nd and 3rd years, open front door, cross the road and on the beach.

I would love to be able to blithely say yes, we are paying the accommodation fees as many seem able to do, but we can not afford to.

It's not because we have been reckless or shit with money - it's because we have always worked in public sector or charity jobs and with 3 children (no doubt I'll be told we shouldn't have had them....) it's been tricky to balance.
We are lucky that we have our own home and the two eldest have gone on to be ok, but it's hard to be told or at least for it to be assumed, we're not doing our best with what little we can spare.

No wonder university is becoming elitist again.
Me and dh both had reasonable grants in the 80s and no input from parents at all.

Something needs to change so all kids can go to university if they want to without parents being made to feel liable for them. If we had lots of spare cash, all of our dc would benefit.
It's not refusing to 'top up' it's a lot more complicated than that - for many, many people.

As I said earlier, dd was given a small bursary, which made her over the moon, enough to almost pay one terms rent - we didn't expect it or apply for it , the university has a parental income level under which all students that qualify automatically get one.
That level is 10000 more than the loan level - we are smack in-between, which meant a lower loan but qualification for the bursary!

An overhaul of the system for everyone is so needed

Thank you @boys3 I'm particularly pleased to hear about the extra curriculars as on the open day this was all glossed over and I thought there might not be any.

Another concern for dd is that she only saw one other black person the whole time on the open day. Nevertheless, she had to submit her ucas to her sixth form college by 4.30 today and it's still her top choice.

Sorry again for the derail!

My son is at local uni, but his friends have gone away. One is paying 8k for halls without catering. How do these places charge so much for a room. Another mate has 5 hrs of lectures one day a week but wasn't told his so he could have commuted to uni, and not paid accommodation. I'm all for supporting my kids but uni accommodation fees need to be looked at. Some kids don't go due to the costs.

In wales everyone gets the same - it's the the ratio of loan to grant that changes.

Parents are obliged to contribute but my dd loan and grant combined don't even cover her rent. I help, my sister helps, my dad helps and DD is looking for a job

You can't be forced to pay but if you don't you are making your children worse off than if they had the full maintenance loan.

I think that's extremely unfair to them - so if they had poorer parents they would be in a better financial position.

Some parents genuinely don't have the money spare though so it's tricky.

In which case the child should be told that they need to work for a year or so first. Its unfair to send them without enough to live on.

Is it just me that thinks that the maintenance loan based on resident parent can be unfair?
I know couples that do very well out of that arrangement as ex partners do contribute. Being a single resident parent can have advantages loan wise...

Mine wanted to go away and we were happy to support them
Stsying at home is a completely different experience

DS gets £4500ish and his accommodation contract is £8527. I pay for his room and he covers everything else. He’s managing to save about £30 a week so will borrow less next year.

I don’t want him to have to get a job, he’s there to learn his degree. He’s on a STEM course with 20 hrs a week of lectures and the same of homework. They have to learn to juggle that with washing, shopping, cooking etc and I don’t want it to be harder for him than it needs to be. Is he ‘spoiled’? I don’t care, my parents didn’t give a shiny shit about me and I want his experience to be different. My car is 11 years old, my sofa is older, I don’t go out drinking. My choices. I knew this financial hit was coming and cut my cloth to be able to spend my money the way I want to. Do I judge people with new cars and spangly lifestyles who choose not to sub their kids? No, but I don’t understand, and I do feel sorry for the children.