Is it normal to feel blue after DC has gone yo Uni?

[BluesBrotherz]

Dropped off eldest DC a week and a half ago. The A’levels, summer holidays and build up to them moving was absolutely manic. We had a brilliant summer.

I was upset before they left, and for a few days later. I’ve been at work and busy, but today I’m off.

I just feel so blue today and I don’t know why. I feel bored, empty and a bit numb. I’ve been crying. I know that this is absolutely pathetic because I’m really lucky. My DC is intelligent, hardworking, talented, kind, independent and ambitious. They couldn’t have had a better start to uni either. They love their course and are really excited about it, have made great friends already, are in a flat with lovely people, and they’ve found themselves a girlfriend already. Also the communication has been really good. We've got a family WhatsApp and they upload things they are doing and respond to our messages.

I’m really proud of them, and relieved, as a few of my friends’ DC are struggling and hate Uni even after a couple of years.

I’ve got another DC at home who needs help, and I thought I’d be focusing on them, but I just feel flat.

I’m not going to get any sympathy as I don’t deserve it, I’m really lucky. I know that.

I just want to know if the feeling passes? It’s horrible.

Also, I know I need to make adjustments to my own life moving forward as my other DC will go to uni in a couple of years. What adjustments did you make to improve your own life after they’d gone? I work 25 hours a week, and meet friends a couple of times a week for coffee. I’ve got 2 sports hobbies that take up an evening and an afternoon a week. I’m married but my DH works away a lot.

From the number of threads every year, yes it's very normal. Not everyone feels like this, I didn't but it's completely understandable. It'll pass as you get used to the new normal, and I think you're wise to be thinking ahead.

I'm not there yet but know I will feel as you do, it's normal to feel both positive feelings for them and sad feelings for yourself. It's a massive change and the start of adulthood, they've been at home with you for nearly 20 years of your life. But you will get used to it as we get used to everything in life, it just takes time and some adjustment. ♥️

I know that’s it’s all natural and normal. It’s how it should be.

I do think perhaps I relied on my DC for my own social life a lot. We shared hobbies and did them together. We were always going to concerts, eating out, escape rooms, days out and weekends away. DH and I had lots of friends before DC, but we all seemed to be too busy to see each other when the DC came along.

I know I need to fill my life with other things. I need something meaningful in my life, connections with people, not just work and hobbies.

My DC is ecstatic at being at Uni. I just need to pull myself together. I’ve loads of stuff to do, just no mojo. The weather isn’t helping.

No advice OP as mine aren't even nearly at that stage yet but I can see that I'll probably feel the same. They do my head in at the moment (8 and 11yo boys) but both me and DH are very close to them and I can't quite imagine how empty the house would feel with even one of them gone. DS1 went on a school residential last year and even that felt weird!
I suppose in a way it's a little like grief and you will adapt in time and hopefully things won't feel so flat for you you sound like you've done an amazing job in bringing them up so try and focus on that when feeling sad.

There's this thread too where others feel the same.

I know she's an adult, I know some MNetters will think I'm pathetic, but ... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/5154569-i-know-shes-an-adult-i-know-some-mnetters-will-think-im-pathetic-but

I upped my hours to full time, got promoted and started to overpay into my pension to make up for the PT years. Also upped savings so could help DC pay off loan and with a deposit for a flat. I did miss their company, but it is fantastic to see them fly. Roots and wings and all that.

My DC are twins so both went off to Uni at the same time and I felt almost lost. Big house with just DH and me, hardly any laundry to do and oops, I’ve ordered/cooked too much bloody food.

It took me about 2 years to adjust, including downsizing.

I’d say it’s normal to feel a little lost/sad for a while.

DH and I started going to a gym 3 days each week, that’s helped. He also felt a little lost as no one needed lifts/pick up from friends house/pub etc.