Travelling on your gap year when you don't have a friend to do it with?

[Withless]

Dd is taking a gap year - this was a bit of a mistake in hindsight as all of her close friends have gone this year. She been working and has some money put by. She's desperate to travel, but can't find anyone to go with. I'm happy to put some money into it, if anyone can think of a safe way for her to travel on her own.

She really wants to interrail in Scandanavia of all places - doesn't really want to do turtle patting in costa rica, but tbh that's what I'm looking at as it looks safe if you are on your own! Any other suggestions welcome 🙏

Finland is really nice, easy to find your way around, and there is so much to do. People often do things on their own too so you don't feel odd.
Could she just book some hotels?
I don't think it would need to be something really structured.

Definitely not worth trying to do things like work with huskies at the North Pole as there are dodgy employers.

She could combine travel and working on Workaway - great way to meet people and keep costs down.

I'm just terrified of her going on her own, and tbh I've travelled alone and unless you meet lots of like minded people straight away, then it's miserable.

I've looked at that but it looks a bit risky if you end up hating it

Why? You're not contracted to stay with the host if you don't like them or the place - we've had people leave after 24 hours (normally by our choice!). With 'hosts nearby' and 'last minute hosts' most destinations have multiple options.

But does she think it's miserable to be on her own? I don't, so you shouldn't assume she will. You seem to be projecting your own 'terror' onto her. Scandinavia is a really safe destination and seems like a really sensible choice. Just get her to plan the places she wants to visit, how she gets between them, where she's going to stay etc. Scandinavia is really expensive so hostels will be a good idea and she may well meet other people to do things with there.

I think you have to stop thinking she's going to hate everything and be isolated and miserable and let her plan her own trip and learn for herself. There's every chance she'll have a fantastic time, and if she decides that she would prefer to travel with someone else in the future then that's fine too.

She doesn't want to travel alone unless it's organised and there will be other young people to meet.

That's good to know, thanks. She's a real grafter so workstay would appeal

Maybe she could find some volunteer project to get involved with?

I travelled alone for my gap year in Asia- I went on three trips with Intrepid, which was full of other people my age travelling alone so great fun- and I volunteered at an animal rescue organisation. I really appreciated the chance to meet people this way, and also had the odd days in between when I could try a bit of solitude without getting bored.

My daughter traveled alone in her gap year and has ever since. She loves the freedom to please yourself. She usually meets people but equally has no problem being alone for a few days. I definitely worried the first time she went - she was only just 18. However it’s so much easier to stay in touch, book accommodation or change plans than it was when I was young pre internet! Just make sure she’s aware of the most prevalent scams and has backups of all her info and contacts.

There's a lot about your feelings OP but not your daughter.

She’s 18 and made the choice she’s made so should look into and sort out any travel/work-travel. Her preferences and how she finds doing things alone or with others may differ from yours.

Au pairing?

Has she looked at short university courses, summer schools or language courses? A lot of European universities offer study abroad short courses for international students that are taught in English. She would probably meet friends there to travel with afterwards. That said, the international student fees are probably very expensive now we have left the EU…

That's because it's me writing the post, funnily enough, so it's written from my point of view. She will no doubt choose her own way, but it is useful to hear from others who have had dcs travelling alone in their gap year.

Yes they are out of our budget and very high now.

I suspect the vast majority of parents in the real world like to support and offer ideas to their children. Whether they choose to take up any of the suggestions is up to them.

Thank you.

If she wants to go alone she should go. Honestly, the likelihood of finding a crowd of like minded people straight away is vanishingly remote, and besides, everyone has their own different itineraries so will not be together for the duration. There's nothing wrong with being thrown back on your own company and tolerating a bit of boredom. I don't see why a bit of loneliness on a short trip is so threatening. It will stand her in excellent stead for starting uni. WIWIKAU at the moment is full of YP dropping out after 24 hours because they had to spend a couple of hours alone and haven't yet met their lifelong best friend at uni after day 1. Scandinavia is as safe as it comes and everyone speaks formidable English. Your DD is most likely to make a series of acquaintances rather than "friends". You hang out with some people for a few days in Helsinki and have a good time, then they're going south to Estonia and you're headed north. At the next hostel you may chat to some great people or not really meet anyone and spend the evening eating alone and reading a book, and at the one after that you meet a really interesting person and have deep meaningful conversations that change the course of your life. That's how it works. My DD backpacked solo through Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia and Thailand for 5 months. Did a stint volunteering at an education project, which she arranged, met 2 Australian girls there and went round the North of India with them, on the spur of the moment. She more than survived and yes had some lonely times and some great times. Please don't curtail your DD and put her on some plastic package gap year "experience". Only survival tip - buy full strength mosquito repellant for the north of Scandinavia!

I agree with @soiltiller that's pretty much how it works. If your DD can stay in hostels she will meet others travelling and may spend time with them if she chooses to. After travelling alone on gap year she would never be afraid of travelling alone again. Tip take her main phone and a cheap back up phone with SIM just in case she looses her main phone. Give her a pre paid card with money on just in case she needs it in an emergency.

Also - my DD has done Workstay successfully in the Balkans, and there's also WOOFing - Willing Workers On Organic Farms.

WIWIKAU at the moment is full of YP dropping out after 24 hours because they had to spend a couple of hours alone and haven't yet met their lifelong best friend at uni after day 1

Neither she or I have any fears that this will happen. I'd imagine a very small proportion of freshers spent their gap year travelling alone and so there's no correlation between those who worked in Tescos for a year and those who dropped out.

But your dd sounds as though she's a very confident young woman and I'm happy that she had a good time

If she’s happy to go alone, that’s her decision as an adult, it is really none of your business. But she should definitely be self funding whatever she does. Be very cautious with volunteering as many programs are damaging to the communities they are based in. Particularly avoid anything involving children,

Well yes, @Withless , she is confident in travel now but was nervous before setting off. So was I! However it was the doing of it that brought her more confidence, and actually made me more confident in turn. It's a virtuous cycle. From my own experience I was terrified at the prospect of having to spend a year in France as part of my degree. I was the only English speaker in the town, pre-internet, and went through some extremely lonely moments at first. But by saying yes to every invitation, even those I had no interest in, I got to know people and had the time of my life. It yaught me that not everything needs to be fully planned out at the start. Well done to your daughter for striking out on her own and being open to the experience.

Why doesn’t she join some of the groups for 18-23 travel that cater to gap year travellers? Look at gadventures.com (filter to 18-30s), trailfinders gap year brochure is good here https://www.trailfinders.com/holiday-styles/gap-year-and-student-travel
also the leap
https://www.theleap.co.uk/gap-year-travel-ideas-volunteer-abroad/
all of those will have trips where she will meet and make friends with others at her stage of life.