Wanting to drop out

[Cozylozy]

My DS is in halls, he has his induction tomorrow but is saying he doesn’t want to do the degree at all and wants to leave . He says he has made a massive mistake and not interested in potentially changing subject.

Could it just be nerves?

I’d encourage him to at least go to his induction or give him a time scale of say 2 weeks before making such a big decision.

I have my induction tomorrow (mature student) and I’ve thought about dropping out too! It’s a big change, and nerves are normal. At least that’s what I’m telling myself!

Bless him, he wouldn’t be the first or last person to change their mind. I’d suggest talk to student support about his options. Maybe try the induction days / events to see if it’s nerves.

What’s your gut feeling? Nerves / homesickness or do you think he’s thinking clearly?

I do think he’s thinking clearly, he didn’t have the best of times through A Levels but says he felt pressure to follow it through with uni. We have never pushed him in anyway. He says he simply cannot face 3 years of study and would rather be in the workforce.

I would be loving but firm right now and say you support him making an informed decision, but without having done even his induction let alone one lecture, this is far from an informed decision.

Tell him to give it 3 weeks and if he still wants to drop out then you’ll support.

But you/he needs to know what the situation would be regarding finance and when things are due. If eg hall fees are due in two weeks then use that as a deadline.

Was he talking like this before he arrived, or is this just now he has arrived? Because there's a big difference. If it's a new thing, make him sit it out a few weeks, see how it goes. I had a friend who dropped out over the first Christmas break, got a job, got married and had a kid (male student). But he was a mature student (26) and realized it was just the wrong place for him. Its difficult to know what is going on with your son, without more information.

Why not encourage him to take a gap year? It’s still early enough in the term to defer his place. It sounds like a break from studying would do him good.

I am going to encourage him to give it a go, he has never been enthusiastic from the get go and I repeatedly told him he doesn’t have to do so this is where we’re at.

Practical notes - have a look into his accommodation contract and see what it says about dropping out. He may be liable for the whole years rent still.
encourage him not to spend loads of his loan - if he leaves a couple of weeks in he may need to pay it back straight away (and this avoids any debt).
Find out what the cut off date is to leave by without incurring tuition fee debt. This is when he needs to make a decision by.

But honestly if he’s never been keen at all, it might be worth just letting him come back. It doesn’t sound like a wobble, more than he’s finally put his foot down.

I absolutely hated my first week at uni. My parents said i had to stay for 4 weeks and then if i felt the same come home. I met some people i got on with, actually enjoyed my course and settled. I did stay. I think it is a big life change, the studying is different from school and I did not get that at the beginning. I would encourage him to give it a go and then if he hates it support him to find a job.

Thank you for all your replies I’m v anxious especially as guarantor on his accommodation, it is potentially a lot of money to pay back

Tell him to stick it out till Christmas and then you will discuss it. What are his plans if he leaves? An apprenticeship or just any job he can find? If he has no clear plans all the more reason to stay at Uni until he does have a plan.

If he quits I think he should be responsible for paying all the costs, even if you pay upfront.

Was he working over summer? What is his alternative plan?

i am not sure how repayment works on it all, he doesn’t much in savings and accommodation cost is 8k

He was working over summer

Would he be able to defer for a year. ?
I encouraged my dd to take a gap year because I could see that she was simply not ready. She wasn’t keen on the idea at first as her closest friends were going off to uni and she didn’t want to feel as though she was missing out
She took my advice, went the year after and is on course for a first

Your ds probably needs a break from study. A levels are very intensive and I think that many young people would benefit from taking some time out.
My dd said that taking a gap year was one of the best decisions of her life

What degree is he doing, if it involves Maths some universities don’t like you deferring a year

He has taken a gap year and did work throughout I wish right now he had just stayed in his job, it’s true that apart from v limited apprenticeships , uni does seem the only way to further qualify. The realisation has now set in I think with him. He doesn’t cope well with lots of time on his hands which is pretty much the uni model

If you drop out before a certain point student finance ask for the loan payment back, less an amount per day up to the point you left.
The accommodation contract is totally separate so you need to see what it says. If it’s uni owned and he drops out asap they may be able to put another student in there, so you get out of your contract. The further into semester you get the less likely this is, because students have made other arrangements, so it is worth factoring that in.
Im not trying to be negative, but I work at a university and it’s rubbish seeing students at the end of October say they were never happy but they’ve left it too late and are worse off financially.