I know she's an adult, I know some MNetters will think I'm pathetic, but ...

[Womblealongwithme]

How the actual hell do I stop feeling so upset about DD going away to university? I'm excited for her and I most definitely want her to go, it'll be so good for her, but how do you stop the worry?

I've seen so many posts on MN over the years from people saying 'get over yourself, an 18 year old is an adult blah blah blah' and I know all of that. She's been 18 for two weeks and I'm feeling so devastated about her leaving. She doesn't know any of this, I would never let it show because it's an exciting time for her. She's just lovely to be around. She also has a long term medical condition to manage completely independently (which, to be fair, she has been doing for a while now).

I don't even know why I'm posting this, I've just walked into our utility room and it's packed with stuff for her to take and it felt like a punch in the stomach.

This is exactly how I feel about my DD going this weekend. She is excited, ready but a little nervous (to be expected) and I am just hoping so much that she settles in really quickly. If she is happy, I will be happy and it will make it so much easier. Good Luck x

I saw it differently- yes it was a bit emotional, but I saw it as being my job to get her to this stage, and that it was therefore a job well done, so I was jolly pleased we’d reached this milestone successfully. It will be different for ds as his journey will be different, but again when I get him to the launch pad, I will feel just as pleased.

It is like a bereavement as they move from child to adult and your relationship changes. I cried for days when DD left for uni. Be kind to yourself. Be as positive as you can and look forward to hearing her news. I always say that letting go is the hardest part of being a parent.

Aww @Womblealongwithme , all very understandable. I hope she has a lovely, smooth start and you find good ways of staying in touch. The build up can be the worst bit,

When my younger dc was limbering up for uni I realised the big gap for me would be early evenings, when for 20 years I'd often been around, sorting them out when little, just being there, listening etc when older....so I changed my routine to plug that gap so I was busy and had something new that gave a bit of extra structure and purpose. For me if was going to gym classes at that time (which has led me down a totally different path and been a game-changer) but it could be anything. By the time I got home, I was happy for bath and peace....everyone is different but I think worth giving some thought to your weekly routine and where you will miss her the most....friends and I also arranged some nice outings (and still do) when someone's youngest heads off.

You do adjust, and as pp have said the university holidays are LOOOOONG.

My younger DS left last week, older DS is going into his last year. I'm so proud of them, of us, for getting to the stage where they're ready to leave home happily, confidently, albeit with nerves and trepidation on both sides. DH and I are looking forward to having time to us for the first time in 20 years, planning weekends away, days out, holidays. But I get the heart-wrenching sense of loss, of worry, of the need to protect them fiercely always.
I lost my darling mum in June after a very short illness, and the impact of caring for her for 5 weeks then losing her, plus the feeling of loss with both DSs heading off is something I'm struggling with. But taking it one day at a time, accepting some days will be hard, working through the grief and sadness and being easy on myself.

The medical condition will be making you worry more I’m sure. My daughter has anorexia and depression which have been managed well and she’s been doing really well for the past two years but I’m still finding myself worrying whether she’s eating and whether the change is causing her to struggle and whether her hygiene has gone out of the window again etc…
I’m not hearing much from her but she seems ok in the messages I have had so fingers crossed.