Thrills and spills of studying in London

[stoneysongs]

A thread for supporters of DC heading to London unis - was originally going to be UCL which seems very popular this year, but expanded at @Needmoresleep's excellent suggestion.

For chats about moving in, what to take, living in London, whether an Oyster card is worth bothering with, how to do a big shop, where to park at drop off, the dreaded search for 2nd year accommodation etc etc etc

Tagging people I've spotted from the ex Oxbridge thread but all welcome including those with DC currently in London who can share their wisdom and anyone thinking of it for 2025 or beyond

@catmomof3
@lifeturnsonadime
@PotentialUCLmum
@CoffeeMugShot
@space99
@FebruarySmith
@mynameisnotmichaelcaine
@Summertimer

By way of intro I have a DD going to UCL to study BASc Arts and Sciences.

Cycling in London is pretty normal, and drivers tend to be more cycle aware than elsewhere.

I commuted to work by bike for years. It was the only way I could get to the kids school for pick up time. DH still does, despite it being about 50 minutes.

The trick is to find quiet routes, ideally ones where cyclists are segregated from other road users. TfL used to provide cycle maps and may still do. So I used to go through the back streets of Bloomsbury whilst DH uses an east west cycling super-highway. DD worked out a journey to Imperial mainly through Royal Parks...then lockdown happened and the campus was closed.

Obviously you should not cycle after drinking, though my experience is that it can sometimes feel safer than walking home late at night.

I think parenting in London is a different experience. I don't think we ever picked DC up after parties - perhaps once on Halloween, which can get quite scary (one to warn the kids - large groups of people roaming the streets and it can quickly become quite dark, NYE is another.) I perhaps should have thought more about them using night buses, or walking home from the tube. (DD used to get off at a stop that allowed her to stick to main roads, rather than use our nearest tube.) But then I did not need to worry about them being driven by a 17 friend who was a new driver. This would have terrified me.

Equally, though venues are all over, clubs tend to have quite specific demographics. So venues in Leicester Sq will attract tourists, and those in Vauxhall are largely LGBT+++. Richer kids from DCs school would go to Chelsea, though they then risked running into friends of their parents. (It proved to be fortuitous as friends of parents had a VIP table and bought them drinks.) Brixton can be quite heavy etc. MoS sounds about right though it is a bit of a hike. DC didn't really go clubbing as teenagers so the clubbing culture at Bristol was new. (Not really DDs thing - she preferred the cider pub crawls.) There will be plenty of London students who are not that interested either.

If DC are not used to London traffic, I would suggest caution really is needed. The big cycle lanes have many users getting a real shift on. I’ve also seen a cyclist run into the side of a van at speed when it pulled out. The traffic was stationery and the van was waved out. The cyclist was not aware of the van and was overtaking at speed. Londoners are used to this mayhem but as a driver I still need eyes in the back of my head for unpredictable cyclists without lights and going the wrong way down one way traffic systems in the middle of the road. Honestly - get your new students to take public transport. It’s much much safer. My DD refused to cycle when her boyfriend did. It was like F1 for bikes. Its the least safest way to travel in London.

When we dropped DC off in London I was not shocked about the volume of traffic or even the number of cyclists. I did have my heart in my mouth at the number of cyclists and motorcyclists weaving and criss crossing through the slow moving traffic. It was really hard to know where to expect them which was basically anywhere at anytime.

I'm sure lots of cyclists do follow Highway code and I'm not anti cyclist being an occasional cyclist myself albeit in a small town. I just don't want to hurt one 😕

Well DD has managed her first week in Central London without getting the underground yet. Has used a nightbus and uber though.

How are all the Imperial DC getting on?

I think DS is struggling to find friends. He is a bit shy, but not too bad, but I think he has convinced himself that there is no one that will be his sort of person and is feeling a bit disheartened.

He wanted to come home this weekend "to cook a load of food to freeze because the kitchen here is rubbish" but I suspect that actually what he means is that he just doesn't want to be there at the weekend.

I have told him all the usual sort of advice - keep your door open so people can say hello as they walk past; walk around the corridors and say hi to anyone whose door is open; sit in the communal areas and say hello to people; sit next to different people at lectures and say hello as you sit down; go to loads of clubs to try them out (as in societies, not nightclubs); go to all the social events you can. But I get the feeling he's giving up already

@RockaLock, the halls put on low key social things each night so hopefully he can join in with those. I suspect my ds is the same although he did say he went to the Foundry next door for a quiz.

The clubs/societies fair was yesterday, did he sign up for anything? Ds quite likes structure so it may be that once their courses start, things will improve. It's hard for the more introverted kids.

Ds has also booked the table tennis table out downstairs and has played random people.

Thanks, @Lightsabre . I will ask him about the clubs & socs fair but as he hasn't mentioned it I suspect I know what the answer is

He's in North Acton so other than what the hall lays on, there's nothing there to do/go. I think he did do the trek back into south Ken at the weekend to go to the union though.

It's just so frustrating, he needs to help himself but he's just being stupid about the whole thing. He was adamant he wanted to be in North Acton because he was worried about the south Ken halls being too full of potentially cliquey overseas students - but if he's not going to make an effort to talk to anyone, then he might as well have gone for S Ken and saved himself the long commute!

I've pm'd you @RockaLock. The person who helped us in said he'd lived in several of the halls and he felt Woodward and Kemp Porter were the most sociable but obviously the area doesn't have the buzz of south Ken.

Thank you @Lightsabre. I've replied to you.

I guess I have to believe that he's not the only one feeling like that, and he will get a group of friends eventually...

North Acton has no buzz at all. None. It’s a dormitory area away from the uni. Is the accommodation cheaper there? Wasn’t for DD. It’s a commute to anything and suits the ones who don’t want to mix or ones who are out all the time! As DD was.

I know @TizerorFizz, and I tried to persuade DS to ask for S Ken, but he wasn't having any of it.

It is quite a bit cheaper than S Ken, but obviously once you add in the travel costs then that gap narrows.

I do know people who have stayed in the North Acton halls and loved it just because people in the halls were really sociable with each other, so hopefully that will kick in over the next couple of weeks!

Yes, it's only been a few days.
@TizerorFizz am I right in thinking your dd was there a few years ago? There is now an Imperial run bar next to Woodward and a gym plus a couple of small supermarkets.

Ds doesn't like the noise and bustle of Central London really (we live in London) so I think is happy to retreat to a contained, quieter area. Appreciate though that those wanting 'London' London might be disappointed. It's a very easy run in though. Quite a bit cheaper than S Ken too.

@RockaLock It's still early days, he will meet the same minded people and get a group of friends eventually.

DD is not the most sociable, however she did try club and go to some social fair (not all, just a few so far), even thought we stay in Wilson house, she did meet people during these who are from North Acton and walked with them to tube station, apparently they are nice.
Do they have social room in North Acton?
Mine pop by the first few days as it's kind of boring to stay in the room and this lead her to meet few nice people who are doing different subject. I think they exchange IG, and sometimes pop by to social area if one is not out, also if having lesson at the same time, will arrange to walk to school together. Maybe try this?

I feel everyone is at the same boat, all kind of nervous.
So if you reach out, the reaction tend to be quite nice in return - not the easiest for shy person but it's worth a try.

It'll be better when the course starts properly and there is more structure.

I am sorry to hear that @RockaLock . My DS is also quite an introvert but made the resolution to come out of himself a bit when he started uni as he basically spent the summer in his bedroom at home working on coding projects. He was definitely worried about the social side and so was I as he opted for one of the Eastside Halls and I had not read good things about them. We made a plan together that he was going to say "yes" to every invite he had / event held for the first two weeks, acknowledging it would be awkward but he had to ride it out. He promised to go even if it wasn't his thing because you never know who you will meet at the event.

In reality I can't believe his last few days since we dropped him on Saturday. He's been out more than he has in his whole life, not even joking.

His floor is full of all nationalities - about a quarter from the UK - and the halls have had lots of low key social events like mentioned above so he has been very active and has met a lot of people. They have been to the SU bar on campus every night until 2am (!!!) and his whole floor shopped and cooked together a few nights this week, which is great as he has no interest in cooking food really, so was reluctant to learn at home. He has school friends who are in Acton and they have been coming in to join the SU party.

He did say there were some quieter students but the sub wardens are making a real effort to check that they are ok and to invite them to the events but not all of them opted to do so. I guess you can't force them if they don't want to.

All in all we have been thrilled with what we are hearing from him as he is having a ball - early days of course but the vibe was lovely at the halls on the move in day and students were coming up to introduce themselves to him and help with his gear and I could see him push himself forward. It was an effort but he is doing well so far.

I think my DS said that the lectures have all been introductory so far, so maybe your DS has been a little lost as there is not a full schedule of classes yet. Fingers crossed for you xxx

Thanks everyone. I think the problem is that DS is going to events - but not talking to anyone while he is there

I can only help him so much with advice etc, he has to start helping himself.

@RockaLock my son was very similar. He only attended one freshers event and in the whole year did not seem to have got to know anyone in hall.

However....he did join societies. Things like computer gaming and Comicon and some subject related ones, and made friends he still has today. Some were in the year above - which meant he was able to move into an established flat for his second year. Quite a lot were international, quite a diverse group but it is always useful to have a Chinese speaker when hitting China Town. His subject society did some very interesting, and career enhancing, things. Teaching an informal course of quants for non-quants. Carrying out their own research (his tutor opened his address book and some seriously senior people agreed to meet them). His friend at Imperial was involved, I think, with the robotics society which again led to some really super opportunities.

Not everyone meets people via clubs and "socialising" and if they aren't that type London is as good as anywhere to be, as it allows for so many alternative ways of engaging with people with the same interests.

@Lightsabre Yes. A few years ago at The Costume Store. I know the Imperial building has a few more facilities but it’s tame. Gyms and sterile bars aren’t really what London is about, There always were small supermarkets! However there’s not much else. South Ken is infinitely better. Acton is really a dorm. I can assure you the area is not like central London or even White Cit which is buzzier than it was. It’s a trek to get anywhere. DD just had to get to Shepherds Bush so was ok with logistics, just not having a student life there. She chose it though!

@TizerorFizz we live in Greater London, we know what London is like and we are well aware that North Acton is not representative of central London!

But DS chose North Acton even after having seen the area, so what can you do. (Actually he put down S Ken and Paddington as 2 of his 5 room choices and still got allocated North Acton, so he might have ended up there even if he hadn't really wanted to be).

I'm sure you are trying to help, but it's not actually that helpful to have someone saying what a dump North Acton is and how we should have chosen S Ken, when our DC are signed up for a year at N Acton and can't change that now!

I have told DS to go along to lots of societies but I am not sure he is listening to me... I will keep trying but at the end of the day he needs to make the effort himself. It's just head seeing him struggle.

Just popping back to say that DC did not choose UCL in the end and elected to study in a different country which was quite the curve ball! However, a similar situation to @RockaLock arose in that they were allocated halls far away from the halls they wanted with a majority of International students and not many Freshers (although many UK students do attend the Uni). Obviously it is trickier when your DC are very much away from home to hear if they feel a bit lonely and popping back is off the table! However, they have joined soc's where they know like-minded students are members and get up every day to study on Campus rather than in their room. So far, this strategy has worked and some good friendships have been formed. They've also found a group of pals who they take turn in hosting a weekend fajita night - one week they schlep to the other halls, the other week the others visit them. I appreciate that my DC is a joiner who is very much not introverted which is different to your own DS. Having said that, as an extrovert, not being around people is also a challenge so brings its own issues.

My point is, they will all find their tribe. All we can do as parents is to be available to listen. Often they just want to vent not hear solutions from Mum or Dad. We kept in touch during the first few days via funny memes, latest twattery on the local FB group and by chatting about what they were planning to have for dinner. Very much stayed off the subject of 'have you made any friends yet'. There is much pressure on them all to replicate what they are seeing on SM - groups of pals meeting for drinks/donning fancy dress and generally having a much better time. We need to remind them all that SM is unlikely to show the reality of flatmates who don't clean up after themselves or are shower-avoidant!

Sending positive vibes to everyone on here. It is hard isn't it?

Thank you @PotentialUCLmum. It sounds as though your DC is doing well. I'm sure my DS will find his feet eventually. They mostly do, right?

They do. I remember thinking everyone was very different to me when I joined university. However, parents were different back then and I’m sure my mum did not give the shiniest of shits 😂