Slightly regretting taking a gap year - nothing arranged - what are yours doing?

[Wendycoping]

As the title!

Dd concentrated so hard on her A levels that she didn't want to discuss her gap year at all, but was adamant she wanted one. She's been on holiday to France with a friend. Now she's back and working a couple of times a week. We aren't going on holiday this summer (I am retraining and have a placement starting in August). She's lost for things to do and I feel pressure as whenever I met friends their kids seem to be doing expensive gap year projects (Kenya teaching, turtle counting in Costa Rica etc!).

I'm torn between just making sure she has a nice happy comfortable home and letting her get on with it, and feeling as though I should be a bit more inspiring with ideas. We don't have a lot of money so she'll have to earn some before uni. My older dd spent her gap year working in Costa, and although she earned a lot of money she says she's always regretted not doing anything exciting.

What are yours doing?

Meant to say her best friend has arranged lots of trips away with an older friend and her new boy friend, so that's probably not helping dds mood as they were supposed to do some things together.

My eldest took a gap year and sort of meant to earn money and then go travelling with a friend. He ended up earning quite a bit but only doing a week’s holiday with friend. He didn’t seem to mind though and the money he earned was really good for his first year at uni. I suggested things to do in the gap year and he didn’t disagree but didn’t do any of them. DS started uni with a year more life experience as well as more money and I think that was good. I wouldn’t stress about it - as long as she has a job.

Get a full time job in a business that also has branches in her student city, so then she can work part time during her degree and full time during holidays.

A friend of mine did a gap year in McDonald’s, worked throughout the degree and ended up in a management position as soon as she graduated with no debt and on a much better salary than the rest of us.

Mine worked 30 hours a week and socialised with other girls from school who took a gap year. She was happy to have a different routine to school days and went back to uni feeling refreshed and ready to go. She stopped working in July and went away with the gap year friends for a few trips before uni started. I didn’t need her wages as rent so she had enough to buy a new iPad and MacBook for uni too.

I don't think you have to do anything exciting, just having a break from education can really help. Getting work experience is obviously very valuable. My DC are younger but my friends children worked full time and did some small holidays, inter railing, short backpacking trips of 3 weeks or so.

My son did a couple of part time jobs locally in his Gap year and hung out with his many friends who also took gap years. He said to me that it felt like an extension of 6th Form (which he really enjoyed), the beginning of which for him waa still heavily disrupted by covid. He doesn't regret it at all.

He doesn't know anyone from the sort of family who would send them on one of those exotic sounding gap years - which are really just glorified holidays for posh kids!

Mine did do the turtle counting in Costa Rica but she paid for it herself by working in a bakery for 6 months, from last July to Christmas Eve.

She’s back now and working locally this summer in a new job and generally hanging around having fun with friends.

One trip to Greece planned with friends before term begins which she is also paying for.

She’s enjoyed her gap year but really ready for uni now.

Mine mooched around the house, joined a band and played the drums a lot.

He then went and did a music degree.

It's not compulsory to do the expensive trips.

Dd has got a job lined up full time waitressing then is using the money to travel with her best friend for 3 months to v exciting location they both speak the language there and are busy planning it. Slightly nervous I must say but she’s done holidays with friends and is quite sensible

Seems abit of a wasted opportunity to just mooch about. Could she work abroad or do a programme or something?

I think I said we don't have the money and that her bf has organised stuff without her. But yes, working with a view to travelling next Spring is probably a good idea.

i guess the time away from studying and recharging will give her ideas

My dd did this with Costa. Then switched to Crew and now has a graduate job with them in London. Worked really well for her, not so sure about dd2, she's very academic and not hugely driven by money. Happy reading and spending time with the dogs!

That's what I'm hoping. I'm not joking when I say she revised for 10 hours a day for 3 months before A levels.

I'd give her a month to vegetate, then get her thinking about e.g. 2 months worth of stuff she'd like to do - so maybe a week's solo travelling somewhere nearby if she's nervous about travelling alone or whatever, building up to 6 weeks travelling in the summer. Then she can see how much cash she would need, then work out how she earns the cash. But I imagine a massive chunk of decompression will be the first order of the day as she sounds like she has been maxed out with a levels for a while.

Mine all went travelling under their own steam but with friend(s).
They worked first and earned money, then got working holiday visas, worked in Europe, America and Australia.
One went to college, qualified, worked for a bit then went.

I'm not sure of the value of some of the expensive gap years which are on offer, mine certainly saw plenty of life on their travels, became independent and learnt resilience .

Family member took a gap year and spent it working - a couple of holidays with friends, but most of it was just working.

Now finishing second year at Uni and he said the gap year working was useful for several reasons. The money came in handy. Learning to deal with people was a good skill, which he said came in useful several times on group work he's done. It also helped him with learning to budget and manage his money - particularly spending fun money and whether it's worth the X many hours of work trade-off!

@Abawaba123 makes an excellent point about taking a role that could transfer to and from home and uni town. In addition, roles at larger units allow for potential promotion to minor supervisory roles and/or financial responsibility, which makes the job more interesting, develops skills etc.

Your DD could also combine a part time contract with volunteering to gives some variety and giving back can be very motivating. If she has not yet learnt to drive and pass the tests then the gap year is a good time to do this. Learning to drive during uni years seems to me to be a bit of a logistical challenge.

I'd give her August to chill/recover but say to her she has to make plans for September onwards, and if she is still at home has to be working in some way, either paid or voluntary work. Suggest she starts researching local volunteer opportunities - could be anything from charity shop, volunteering in local primary school ( subject to DBS) a local animal charity, environmental work, conservation volunteers etc. Maybe explain to her that it is good for mental health to be part of something " bigger than ourselves".

She could have a great experience and learn so much doing something locally. It doesn't have to be something abroad.

A job. Any job, but customer facing is good for developing face to face people skills. Real life experience and work experience. And money earned.

My friend's daughter worked for 6 months as a barista, then did 3 months as an au pair, so she got to live with a Spanish family for that time, then came back and worked a bit more and then went to SE Asia for 6 weeks.
This time last year (after A levels) she had no idea what to do with her year, she has organised it all as she's gone along.

The working periods have paid for the travelling and given her a bit of a cushion. It's been a great year for her.

You say you don’t have the money ok but surely she spends 5 months earning the money herself then uses that to travel? That’s what most kids seem to do

Mine has send and had a stressful time at school. A year out working and saving, learning to drive (fingers crossed) and how to use the washing machine and cook a couple of basic meals has been brilliant. They have some cash and were able to manage all the uni stuff with help and no distractions. A great reset I think

Thanks for all your ideas and stories. She can drive so that's that ticked off thank goodness. She house sits and baby sits and has just got a well paid housesitting job for end August. I think we are just going to watch the Olympics together and she's going to mimble about until September when she'll have more of an idea - and her results, which if they are good enough will mean the uni that she wants next year. I think that will strengthen her resolve to get on and make the most of this year.

It’s only July! Give her a break. But definitely make sure she thinks through any oversea volunteering, many of those programs are very unethical and unhelpful to local communities. “Teaching in Kenya” isn’t what an unqualified 18 year old should be doing, it’s borderline offensive.