Graduation Blues

[BoxersOrKnickers]

The title says it all. I have a DS with graduation blues. The sense of leaving a community. University and the societies and the events gave a sense of belonging to him.

Doesn't have a job lined up unfortunately. But he's doing a master's somewhere else in a different city. He's a bit worried about the change.

He would have loved to have stayed at his UG university but they didn't accept his masters application.

-he's doing a master's somewhere else in a different city -

Remind him of that
He will be fine
He can join clubs again
Tell him to enjoy his time off in summer

He’ll be fine. All normal.

I had this when I was younger and I eventually spoke with my GP about it as my mood got so low. He assured me it is much mor common than we might think and that it's a natural feeling. There's been the apprehension and build up of study, learning, getting to grips with the whole student experience, sitting exams, awaiting results, being part of a group all feeling similar, approaching graduation and then the big day itself. It's a lot to feel and this is the let down of all that energy after which can leave us feeling drained, overwhelmed or even deflated or disheartened. My advice is speak with him about how this is all reasonable and remind him he has worked hard and that these feelings will ease gradually and his future will pan out over time. If need be encourage him to speak with mental health charities, GP or a private therapist. But for now focus on validating his feelings and try to avoid
over -reassuring as that might feel more pressuring at this stage. My heart goes out to your son.

He's been trying to spend as much time on campus as possible this month .Trying to get involved in the summer events. Going to public lectures, research seminars etc. generally just walking around campus

It's going to be a sad time for him. There's nothing quite like the campus experience for some and it sounds like it was a lifestyle that suited him. I'd be careful of over-reassuring at the moment, let him feel what he feels for now. At least he's got future plans, that will hopefully help to fill the hole so to speak.

He was active in societies this year and just loved it. The community feel was great

@BoxersOrKnickers change is hard, especially when you don’t really want it. He’ll learn that life is full of ups and downs and he’ll find community in different ways in the future. A new uni for postgrad could be a really exciting experience. No doubt there will be societies to join there too.

Perfectly normal part of life. He’ll be fine.

And by that I mean both the apprehension of change, sadness at leaving a familiar place. But also excitement for the new!

I don’t know why anyone’s mentioning “reaching out” for mental health support. What he’s going through is absolutely human and normal.

Thanks all for the replies

Absolutely this.

My daughter graduated with an integrated masters in Lancaster and is off to Manchester for her phd. It is sad, all her friends are going in different directions. Theres a couple staying in Lancaster so she can visit on occasion. She plans to still go to the freshers and hope to join an arts and crafts society or something where theres not a drinking culture. The aim is to have a couple of outlets per week where she can socialise. Also has visited Manchester to get used to the city. Its going to be very similar to when they first came to uni, learning about the new place, doing as many things as they can to keep busy and making friends.

My DS is leaving UCL and shall be starting his masters degree in Bristol.

He's an economist

Life is about endings and beginnings. He needs to accept that ! Take the good memories and look forward with positivity

Absolutely. I’m an academic and I see this literally every academic year when finalists start to disperse, realising close friendship groups won’t involve them flatsharing or seeing one another every day in classes etc any longer, and feeling unsettled by other people moving to the far side of the world or appearing to have a more settled or directed life plan, job etc. It’s sad and unsettling, but an entirely normal life stage.

It’s actually a good decision that he’s moving for a master’s — hanging around your undergraduate institution out of nostalgia and hoping to lengthen your own undergraduate experience is often depressing.

It’s also a very good sign — he genuinely enjoyed his student years, made friends, was involved in societies, felt a sense of community etc. I’d be more worried about a departing finalist who wasn’t bothered because there was nothing at all he’d miss.

I actually agree about the not hanging around trying to extend the undergraduate stage. Now I'm older and wiser I like that I can remember that time and place with a fond nostalgia. If I'd stayed there for further study or a job it would just have become another place I'd worked at.

Learning how to be happy that it happened rather than sad it's over is a really important skill but it takes time.

DS wanted to do his MSc at either UCL or LSE. But alas his wasn't accepted.

He likes London. His societies often did inter- university events. Most of DS's friends are staying in London for work as well.

My son was at Bristol and stayed there for his law conversion course and plenty of his friends either were on 4 year courses (languages etc) or doing a masters so year 4 was fine. I am sure the boy will love Bristol. He can go back to London after and it is not far to go to London for weekends to see friends there. I moved for my post grad law and ended up meeting my future husband there so a very good year in that sense in a new place. However I know how sad people can be and what a wrench it is to leave friends. Most of my twins' friends from Bristol have ended up in London where we live and my sons work so perhaps just tell your son that this is just one masters year at a place near London and he can easily still see friends.

I think it's good for Londoners to live outside London for a substantial time. And there are worse places than Bristol! He'll have a great time!

Postgrads can certainly get involved in societies, quite often on the committee etc because they're older and there more of the time (some uni societies happily accept people who aren't students any more even ... my dd is more involved with one now than when she was a student!).

Your DD is involved in a student society when she's not at university? Is she an alumni of that university or just a member of the public?

Change is good. He'll be moving jobs every 2-3 years anyway so this is a good experience for him.

@BoxersOrKnickers My DD was at Bristol. Lots to do and she sang in a choir that included staff. So not everything is student based. A friend’s DS did Economics masters at Bris then PhD and is still there. On the other hand, London has lots of employment options.

Instead of having the summer off, I’d recommend he tries to work. Not sure what he has on his cv, but something more than societies and wandering about and then taking it easy (as suggested up thread) might be useful?

Change is risky, but so is staying put. It's quite possible that had your DS stayed in London for his master's, it would have been completely different to being an undergraduate there and he wouldn't have been as happy. Bristol won't be the same but nor is postgraduate study and he'll be with a whole new cohort, all trying to find their feet.