Mental health for DC in "high flying" careers

[janetlove]

Those who have DC in high flying careers.

Be honest. How are your DC's mental health?

How do they cope with the long hours?

Mean moreso for those in front office finance roles. Like in banks etc. How do Ur DC (if they are in the field) feel working weekends, getting minimal sleep?

I used to be in one of those jobs. The best things my parents could have done for me is build resilience and teach boundaries. They were in very different fields and so didn't know what pressure it would be.

2 of my 3 daughters do this. They cope because they have a very strong work ethic, take a lot of pride in delivering a good job and also have a strong sense of self worth so they stand up for themselves when their bosses are unreasonable. So far this is working for both of them in that they appear to be highly regarded. My other daughter would not cope with this life I think - she is less resilient. But that’s probably why she didn’t apply for jobs in that field.

This is me and DH. Honestly, it’s not for the faint-hearted.

You need to be the kind of person who thrives on pressure. And YY to being fine with resilience and boundaries. And constant change and being fine without sticking to set routines

It’s not for you if you don’t. And all the platitudes HR make about MH are just that, platitudes. There isn’t really a way to reduce the stress, it’s part and parcel of the job.

My DD did a Big 4 audit grad scheme and saw the long hours plus study as a means to an end. There were times when she got up at 6 to study for 2 hours before work, studied all weekend and worked until 9 or 10 at night. She is now a qualified accountant with a head office job with more reasonable hours and excellent prospects. I think the fact that she has a supportive partner and was one of a group going through the same thing helped keep her MH stable.

@janetlove

My DD works long hours but not every day. She's self employed but it's still a high pressure career. She has friends that work in high flying solicitor and banking firms and they work very long hours. It's a cultural thing and USA firms are probably the worst.

Therefore I strongly suggest dc must know who they are. Do they have the drive and inner strength? Do they really want this? Or would they prefer a different lifestyle with more personal time? My DDs friends do really like their jobs and the money. They do sleep by the way!

My friend's DN thought he wanted this but prefers a much slower life doing research and a bit of lecturing. His aim pre uni was the big London job. After really understanding what this meant, he changed his mind. He likes having enough money but more time.

You need to be the kind of person who thrives on pressure.

I agree with @Ereyraa. My DH used to have this type of job, he’s stepped back now. He’s a very calm, thoughtful person who sees the big picture, he can deal with a lot of pressure. Another friend who’s very senior in investment banking is a similar personality, she’s very calm under pressure.

Fot some people, I think a stable home life helps keep them grounded as well. This friend has a very supportive husband and children.

My SD is not coping she unfortunately has to take anxiety medication, she never had problems before and says she can’t step away as studied so hard

I previously worked in the front office of a bank but didn't work weekends or get minimal sleep, well not due to the work. Firstly, the employer has a duty of care and should be allowing a reasonable amount of sleep to occur - I would consider raising this with a manager or HR and not all firms are like this, consider changing firm or role or simply stop doing those hours and do hours which allow enough sleep. Some roles are a lot more hours than others, is it worth pursing this role for the extra money at the cost of their health? I would seriously think about moving to a different role which will be lower pay but less hours - I used to work around 9am to 6pm and later got school hours for pick ups. Was the first person to get that and got judged but if you don't ask, you don't get.

If they are dealing with difficult people (common in those environments) the best approach is to stand up to them. A lot of people in those environments have a lot of outside support, a partner who does not work, generally the wife, nanny for the kids, private schools with long hours, cleaners etc. Worth considering if there's anything they could do to make life easier though also balance that with taking a lower paid but still very comfortable salary and not having to buy those in unless you want to.

A lot of people do sport which can help to a certain extent. I also was quite frugal with money to start with and paid off mortgage very early and that gives you more freedom as you are not dependent on the job. Its definitely not for everyone and its very easy to get a job in a different field (generally at lower pay) with much better work life balance. The civil service is one option which is excellent for work - life balance and salaries are still fine to live on unless you have a very expensive lifestyle. Most people I worked with did have reasonable mental health but there were some who didn't - if they have a manager that is normally nice and starts being unreasonable it can be worth asking them if they are OK. I had a manager like that and he had recently attempted suicide and the firms aren't that good at watching out for that though once aware they were good and gave time off counselling and support and he's still there and promoted. Places like the civil service are. Getting signed off is also an option if severely affected, though redundancy/settlement agreement does often follow but sometimes that is for the best and the pay offs are generally very good.