Tutors at university

[ByeAgain]

My son is in his first year studying a science subject at Oxbridge. Struggling and feeling stupid which I know is kind of par for the course. Has friends and is overall happy. But when revising at home he gets very upset and frustrated when he doesn’t understand stuff. Won’t ask his peers or supervisors for help.

Are there tutors who can support with academic work at this level? I am more familiar with tutors at secondary school so would value any advice as to how to start looking for someone.

Thanks.

Actually the student has access to past papers and any good PhD student in the discipline ought to be able to help with them.

Nevertheless this is an excellent point and a further reason that the university’s own tutors are the best

I strongly agree with everyone who says he needs to approach his tutors or the college welfare team. They will be far better placed to help him than anyone else.

Oxford colleges nowadays have huge budgets for student support. They employ mentors who help students with study skills, time management etc. Many many students need some form of extra support - it is definitely not the case that “normal” students cope fine by themselves. The main tutors may very well be able to offer him some catchup or extra help sessions either with them or with a graduate student - at no cost to him or you.

What is frustrating from a tutor’s perspective is not the student who comes for help but the one where you sense they are struggling but they are adamant everything is fine and reject any attempt to open the door to support. Students who are honest about what they are struggling with and proactive about seeking help are great because you can support them reach their potential.

Finally I would be very sceptical that an external private tutor could offer as good a service as the (already paid for) in-house support by people who know the field and the courses inside out. I think you would be wasting money.

OP,

@Needmoresleep has told your DS through you that her DS had a wobble and needed a 121. He was at an elite institution, better than Oxbridge for his field. But he had the confidence to seek pretty basic remediation when he needed it. He’s now finishing a very successful PhD.

When I was a UG the youngest professor in my School had done something similar. Off to a slow start at uni, requiring remediation, but attaining a high level professorship at a leading university in my field before age 30. We found him inspirational.

Seeking help directly when you need it is the fastest way forward and the best way to develop the confidence your DS needs.

I have nothing to add to PPs helpful practical advice but I would be very surprised if he is genuinely struggling and his tutors haven’t noticed and spoken up. One of the greatest advantages of studying at Oxbridge are the weekly tutorials/supervisions in small groups. If he is producing written work and discussing it with a tutor in a group of 2 or 3 students once or twice a week, his tutors must know if he is falling behind.

It sounds like a crisis of confidence more than an academic issue.

It's kind of bizarre going to one of the best universities in the world and being too afraid to discuss your course with what should be some of the best lecturers / tutors in the world to replace them with some random external Tutor

It's very sad that he doesn't feel encouraged to be able to talk to them

That's quite concerning as a university in itself

He should read through this thread
and understand that prioritising appearances is the barrier that will hold him back the most in studies, friendships and future work.
It is actually a lack of integrity and that is a critical quality for a scientist.
Tutors are like doctors, they will have seen it all before. They are there to help a student get the most out of their studies and relative ability in a cohort does not matter for that, in any case each student will encounter hurdles in understanding during the degree.
If a particular university tutor / suoervisor has been brusque or impatient with him then he should not let that put him off as there will be another one who can at least point him in the right direction for help when he returns back to college before his mocks.

If he asks he will feel so so much better.

Really try and encourage him to do so, he's obviously bright to be there and everyone in the process will want him to achieve his potential.

From another perspective, if a student turns up to an office hour or equivalent and asks sensible questions, having clearly gone through the material themselves, and then takes any advice and resolves their problem, the lecturer is more likely to know them and remember them. Useful when it comes to asking for references, especially if the DS wants to progress within scientific research.

@InAMillion you are forgetting that many students suffer from imposter syndrome and are afraid that someone may think they don't deserve their place. Oxford has made huge inroads into recognising that not everyone has a polished, confident background. I actually feel my DC was far better supported there than they would have been at (say) Warwick or UCL where there wouldn't have been the strong personal links of the tutorial system. DD would easily have been overlooked. Oxford is an extremely supportive environment, if you take the first step, just incase the tutors don't spot it.

My DD, not at Oxbridge, didn't seek out help from anyone until she was doing her Masters and wondered why the hell she'd not done so before.

Tutors, Directors of Studies and Supervisors thrive on helping students - more so if they can intervene before someone reaches a crisis point - and many have pastoral roles to do exactly that. The hardest part can be getting the students to engage with the support.

What your DS really needs to appreciate is that university work is not like A level work. You can't know the curriculum inside out and rarely does anyone get even close to 80% or 90% in their exams. I've only seen 100% in Maths, but that is truly exceptional. It's a shock to any Oxbridge student when they're seemingly not doing brilliantly, because that's probably not happened to them before.

As previous posters have said, you have all the help you need available to you in College. You just have to get over yourself and ask. And however hard that might be, no-one will judge you for taking that first step, and your DS will feel much better for it.

I was hospitalised for a couple of weeks before my finals, and while I was ok catching up on 3 papers, the 4th totally flummoxed me, despite a friend from another college sharing his lecture notes and going through it all with me. I was sure I was going to fail that paper and cried a lot. Eventually I went to see my Director of Studies (Mary Beard, to emphasise how scary it was to admit potential failure, even though she was lovely). She fixed me up with a post doc, i don't know who paid, but I didn't, I shared what she taught me with my friend, and we both did well in the paper.

I was so embarrassed to go, but it worked out for the best.

So I guess what I mean is that the fear of asking for help is much worse than doing it. Everyone was lovely to me, and everyone wanted me to do well. It will be the same for your DC.

This is a really important point. Most Oxbridge students arrive having been the best at their school. Often they haven’t found anything all that hard through their school career and are used to getting full marks and everything coming naturally to them. Then they are suddenly in an environment where they are being pushed well out of their comfort zone and perhaps finding academic work hard for the first time ever. They may in fact be doing fine, but if it’s your first experience of feeling you’re at the limits of your understanding it can be scary - and it’s easy to assume that everyone else gets it and you’re the only one who doesn’t.

His tutors would want him to talk to them and I bet there will be plenty of others on his course who also need a bit of extra support.

@ByeAgain One question I'd try asking your DS is what do your tutors think? How are his reports? It sounds as though he's being a hard judge of himself and as you say could do with some support.

My DD is in Year 1 at Oxford, DS in final year. I only found out from DD that tutors submit termly reports online for each module which the students can access. DD is keen on sharing and so I see hers. DS has never yet admitted reports exist, he is somewhat disorganised and keeps me at arms length. He even did his Principal's collections meeting from an VIII in Cambridge just before a race.

The very bubble like nature of Oxford can get students in a panic. When I was there 30 plus years ago I got in a right tizz before finals and was convinced I was going to get a 2.2 so the best thing was to throw all my notes in the Cherwell. I chatted to my tutor and he had me to Sunday lunch with his family then sent me back to my parents for a couple of days to climb mountains just a couple of weeks before finals. It was a brilliant tonic and I ended up a good 2.1.

What I would say is tutors do vary enormously across colleges and the University. My DS found the Oxford Uni counselling service is very responsive so he could try them to explain his concerns and they could maybe help find a channel for support he's comfortable with. My DS was also not comfortable using in college support.

OP don't on any account start looking for external help. The help is all there within the college and/ or faculty.

Your poor DS. Huge sympathies. His tutors won't be under any illusions. These are smart people. I would bet my mortgage on the fact that they aren't judging him to be arrogant or deluded or stupid. Please tell him that so many Oxbridge students (and others of course) have been where he is and unless he is spectacularly unlucky with his tutors, someone will be responsive to any feelers he puts out for help, and they'll have seen it before if not - perfectly possible - experienced it themselves. What you say about your DS replicates a very common if painful experience.

This is a great point, OP. I am in STEM and we are ranked just below COWI in a Maths adjacent field. Every year at least one of my tutees panics that they are failing. Inevitably they are on at least a 2.1, sometimes a 1st. But they are so used to complete mastery of the material that they can’t cope with now
being at 65% or 75%.

Science humbles us all

poetryandwine I don't see that this is science specific. Students across all disciplines feel this way. Science isn't special in that regard.

I was shocked to discover that undergraduates use tutors in this way. My son is in the second year at a top RG university and told me recently that his housemate (who does the same subject as him) has online tuition once a week - arranged and paid for by his father who is himself an academic. The tutor gives him advice about his essays which he then submits as if they are all his own work and they count towards his degree. He’s currently getting a first (just). This boy went to a private school and had tutors at A level and is continuing to buy himself an unfair advantage in my opinion.

I agree; however the DS is doing science.

A student’s assessed work should be their own. This is a matter of academic integrity

I had a foreign language student staying with me a few years ago

He was telling about how rich connected DC from his country pay a few thousand ££ to get their degrees.

The one he mentioned wasn't a RG but the degree was necessary.
In one case the student was just lazy and partying a lot and couldn't upset his dad.

There's all sorts going on so paying an UG tutor to do all your work well that's no surprise.

Not sure that would work for STEM but for Humanities yes

This is so sad. There is no shame in asking for help. In fact it's to be commended. And the fact he can't see that is worrying. As pp recommended would it help to show him this thread. Please encourage him, talk to him about his personality, his views, why it is he sees asking for help as 'weak'?

<I was shocked to discover that undergraduates use tutors in this way.>
Unfortunately increasingly frequent amongst domestic students, at least at the most competitive universities including Oxbridge. I guess parents find it difficult to draw the line when to stop intervening to help their DC to the best academic outcomes. IMO best life chances does not equate best academic outcomes if students don’t achieve the latter independently using resources within the university. Those resources include asking for help from their friends.

My comment was in response to your comment that 'Science humbles us all'. All students across all disciplines can and do feel exactly as this DS does. I'm not sure that science has a uniquely humbling capacity as far as students feeling inadequate or overwhelmed goes.