Study abroad - how did you cope as parents

[HipHipHootay]

Hi, my DD is 20, 21 in August. She is studying Spanish and German, is in her 2nd year.
As part of her course you have to study abroad. This isn't necessarily an issue. DD travelled a lot in her gap year, South-East Asia and Australia, inter-rail etc. Last summer (between 1st and 2nd year) she did a summer school in Germany for two weeks, and spent a few weeks before just going about,exploring and testing her German.
This year she is planning something similar I think. This is all possible as she works while studying and through her other holidays. Obviously we help fund her while she's at uni so the earnings can be saved.

I'm used to her being away from home but yesterday she told me her German language placement will be in Innsbruck, October-February then Montevideo for Spanish, March-July. Something about living in a different city for months has really got me emotional. I'm so worried she will hate it and it won't be as easy to come back as it was when she was just travelling for fun.
I have no idea what either city is like or how safe they are.
I sort of hoped she'd have gone for Barcelona and Berlin as I know them well!!
She will be the only student from her cohort in Montevideo (apparently that's why she picked it) and only one other in Innsbruck (chosen because "I can spend the winter skiing isn't that fun").

If your child has studied abroad how did you cope? I know she is an adult now but I worry about her so much!! Any tips on how I get through the year??

My DD did Spanish and spent her year abroad in Mexico, during covid, followed by several months travelling in Latin America, including a month in Colombia. I think you should not worry about safety in Innsbruck, Switzerland is not exactly a dangerous country! I don’t know much about Uruguay but I’m assuming she will be going to a university there so she will be staying in a student area which should be safe. She won’t be the only exchange student there, even if she is the only one from her university. My DD made loads of friends from other U.K. universities and from further afield, the Mexican university was well organised in terms of induction.

We kept in touch by FaceTime and texting, much as usual, it was exciting for all of us to see what she was doing. I can’t really give any tips because it wasn’t a problem for us, it didn’t seem that different to having her in another UK city. Nothing bad happened to her except a bout of Covid. She had a whale of a time and grew up a lot. Her only advice for Spanish years abroad is to avoid Argentina - the accent is unusual and makes things difficult when you come back to complete your degree.

I can’t comment as a parent but I can definitely comment as someone who studied abroad myself. My two semesters abroad were honestly such valuable and life changing experiences. I was lucky that my parents fully supported my decision to go to Latin America for 4 months (France for the other) and didn’t try to convince me to go closer to home for the whole year. The time flies by and technology is so good now that you will be able to stay in touch and she’ll be home before you know it. Montevideo will be great for her Spanish (most people in Barcelona socialise in Catalan). And you can always consider going to visit her at one of her placements. An advantage of her dividing the year is that I imagine she might go home between the two placements (not necessarily the case if she’s in one place all year).

She (and you) will be absolutely fine. Both are a short hop, skip & jump away if needed. Being able to ski will be fabulous for her -a very good choice. Many years ago DSis opted for South America instead of Spain as part of her study abroad - it was very left field and she had a blast. Unless you have lived in Barcelona or Berlin you would have had very different experiences even if she had picked them. She sounds like she's happy to live her own life and not ride off anyone's coat tails - take credit for the parenting which attributes to that kind of attitude.

Obvs Montevideo is a longer flight than Spain but the world is much smaller than it appears once you get out travelling.

Your DD sounds like to date, she’s taken every opportunity open to her to equally develop her global outlook and hone her skills, and opting for destinations off the mainstream enables her to integrate more.

We’re in same position with DD heading off to 2 destinations for her year 3 from August. Yes there’s apprehension of the unknown, but the upsides for their development gives me joy.

Hope all goes well for your DD’s next stage!

The university course my DD did required her to do a compulsory year abroad for her 3rd year. She chose to go to a university in the USA.She didn't want to stay in uni accommodation so she advertised and found a room in a house share with 3 American girls doing a different course at the same uni. My DD loved her time over there.As well as enjoying her course she got involved in all the usual US traditions like spring break and Thanksgiving.We kept in touch by Skype and went over to visit her at Easter.It was hard seeing her off at the airport and we both shed plenty tears but our video calls helped seeing her looking happy and well.

My now 28 year old DD studied MFL (German and Spanish) too and also went to Montevideo!! I don't think it's a very common place to go but here's some advice.

DD didn't study in Montevideo she did a marketing internship with a NGO. Renting was tricky and she was there for 6 months. In the end she got a long term Air BnB, near to Parque Rodo. She never had any issues, said she always felt safe. She arrived in the January and left at the start of the July ( a much longer placement than her time in Zurich). Honestly the same safety rules apply as anywhere else, keep your wits about you. She decided to stay pretty central as the buses are great but a little confusing further out. She joined a tennis club to further practice her Spanish.

DD did her first semester in Zurich and actually studied there. She has said if she were to do it again she would go for two work placements. She felt in Zurich that she spent most of her time with other international students and struggled to integrate. While in Montevideo all her friends spoke mostly Spanish and her Spanish was definitely stronger than their English, which is sort of the whole point!

As for you, FaceTime is key. We sent her a little parcel with some home comforts occasionally but the January to July stretch was hard (she actually didn't come home until the end of August as she finished, shipped some stuff home and went travelling South America!).
DD now works in marketing in London with lots of opportunities elsewhere. Loves her life and is very happy!

I did MFL so did a year abroad back in the pre internet days with dodgy phonebox connections that cost a fortune.
I still have the 100s of letters me and my mum shared. Some of my most treasured possessions.

My 20 year old daughter is in her second year of her degree course in a different country to me. I miss her, but she's so happy. She'll never come back here and that's great. She's making her own life.

We bring 'em up to fly. It's part of our job description and theirs.

We'll be fine. And so will they.

Totally agree with ASighMadeOfStone. My ds (only child, I am a single parent, we are very close) has been in Germany September to mid February, home for 6 weeks and is off to Japan for 5 months next week for the second part of his MFL year. They grow up, you let them go. I will be very lonely from a home life point of view, but I have friends and work and he is living his best life as it should be when you are in your 20s, and I am so happy for him, that he is having adventures and doing stuff I never had the courage or chance to do. This 5 months will go fast if the last 6 are anything to go by, and we will talk when he has time, and time differences allow. Then when he gets home he is planning to be in Italy for most of August then back to uni so I won’t see much of him probably until term starts again.

And he will soon leave home for ever but I will be so proud he has the confidence to do it.

Not my child, but I deliberately chose to be the only one on my Italian year abroad and it was the best thing for me. It made sure I maximised using the language and forced me to come out of my shell and stop being shy. So maybe you could think of it as character building for her. If she doesn’t like it, then it’s still not forever and she will learn things along the way.

Interesting to read this. Dd is going abroad next year and I'm dreading it. She's really looking forward to it.

DD2 spent 4 months in Japan in 2022. It should have been the entire academic year but Covid restrictions in Japan curtailed it. DD is a science student - this was a cultural exchange, so language skills were not tested. Whilst DD's university out there was English-speaking, some professors got fed up and switched into Japanese. DD had studied Japanese before she went, firstly with Duolingo then having proper lessons on a Saturday. She was about GCSE standard when she went.

I did cry when she had gone through security at Heathrow. I did track her flight all the way (via the Greenland, N Canada, Alaska route) but she sent us WhatsApps from the plane as she thought it would be worth buying 24 hours of Wifi and it was quite exciting. At one point, she took a photo, sent it and asked where she was as she couldn't understand FlightRadar24.

The time she was there was fine. We both played Pokemon Go; she sent me a gift every day so I knew she was ok. We did video calls every so often. She bought a PAYG Sim for data. She also sent my dad emails with photos from her travels. She was able to do some sightseeing and her Japanese definitely improved. Most importantly, she went out there with quite a lot of self-doubt, but came back so much more resilient.

My dc isn’t abroad but moved to a city the other end of the country. We FaceTime him once a week for an hour or so.

Sometimes it’s better not to know what they are up to!

How exciting! I did an exchange year in the US, and it was probably the best year of my life. But even if your daughter ends up not really enjoying her time in Innsbruck or Montevideo, it's not the end of the world. It's only 5 months and sometimes it's good to be put in a situation where you have to make the most of it, rather than running back home. Obviously I don't mean if something serious happens (in which case, she'll be able to be home within 24-48 hours), but just if things are slightly meh. Overall though, it sounds like a wonderful adventure, and one your daughter is fully ready for.

@HipHipHootay My DD started off in Geneva. She found the Swiss very organised and I bet the Austrians will be too. It’s a great base for exploring. DD didn’t take sking gear! Too bulky but you can nip home and get it. Or you go out and take it to her. Then bring it home at the end of her semester there.

I am not sure working in the Eu is viable now. Very difficult with Brexit so teaching English or uni courses are now the best options.

As for Uruguay, I imagine you fly to BA in Argentina? Then transfer - there’s a ferry I think. My DD wasn’t in touch with anyone from her uni when abroad. She made her own new friends.

I cannot say I missed her. She was in Europe for both semesters but when she was 13 she spent a term on exchange in a South African school so I knew we would be fine. Resourceful people do well on the year abroad and if she’s chosen Uruguay, she will be ok. DD could have gone to Reunion Island for French but loved Geneva. We have been to South America several times and, like anywhere else, keep your possessions and money close at all times. Just behave like a sensible tourist. The year abroad is a fantastic experience and I really would not worry. Just get accommodation sorted out as soon as possible.

I was in Paris for two years. No internet or mobile phones - and no phone in the flat I stayed in first year! Letters believe it or not. I don't think I even considered if my parents were worried about me!

@mondaytosunday And they probably weren’t! Not sure I’ve ever worried about mine being abroad. They were 13 when they went with a school friend on exchange to SA (two flights) and we didn’t go with them. Or bring them home. Some of us just expect dc to manage and ourselves too! But we are all different and many parents do worry. It’s always great if you can get to see them.

You're probably right @TizerorFizz. Both my parents went to boarding school and took trains etc alone from a young age. My cousin remembers being put on a train at six years old to be met at the other end three hours later! I did my first transatlantic flight alone at 14, had to then take a train to final destination. I remember being nervous but I managed. Guess my parents reckoned I was an old hand at international travel by university age!

@mondaytosunday My DC boarded but we saw a lot of them. Modern boarding is really about a partnership with the school. My DC were sensible about travel and had good antennae.

They went to see friends abroad and we used BA unaccompanied DC services. You nominated who would pick them up. Never had any issues but I did worry a bit about the change of flight in Joburg as, on the first occasion we had used SA unaccompanied DC “Service” which was non existent in SA. The girls sorted themselves out by walking to the interval departures terminal which, in those days, meant walking outside. At 13. We booked DD2 and her friend with BA 2 years later which was worry free. They also would move unaccompanied DC to “safe” seats where they could keep an eye on them and DD1 got a couple of upgrades!

I have to say DDs went to London on the train to stay with friends from school for the weekend. They had an approved taxi firm and the train journeys were fine. So when we got to year abroad for DD1 it wasn’t really an issue for any of us.DD2 did a working internship in NY.

I’ve certainly met parents who would not let dc on a train at 17. It made me wonder how they would cope at uni. I think it’s important to equip dc to navigate the world. Starting with a uk train journey is a good place to start before they are 17!

DD currently in Malaysia at uni for this year. And previously did a year in Ghana.

no issues no coping reallly. What’s app and video call often

shes having her best life and loving it