Help chosing firm and insurance offers

[WeeMadArthur1]

Uni 1 - conditional offer AAB - DD’s favourite course, she loved the sound it and came back from the open day quite excited about it.
Uni 2 - conditional offer AAB - DD likes the course, easily commutable from home so would live at home, have said they have nearly always accepted slightly lower grades so might be a good back up.
Uni 3 - conditional offer BBC - DD likes this course too, lower grades make it an option for insurance choice.

DD doesn’t know whether she feels ready to move out of home, she has mental health difficulties and is currently waiting for a possible autism diagnosis. She’s incredibly shy and anxious (e.g. isn’t able to ask an adult for help in class, too scared to go to the counselling they are offering at school, catch a bus, etc), so the obvious choice would be Uni 2. However, she thinks trying to move away from home might force her to deal with things otherwise she thinks if she stays at home she’ll never push herself to make friends and her mental health will get worse.

Linked to this, her grades have been slipping so she’s not confident she’ll get the grades needed for 1 and 2. So which options would you choose?

Firm Uni 1, Insurance Uni 2 (then she can decide nearer the time whether she wants to live away from home, but there is the risk of not getting the grades as they both want AAB)

Firm Uni 3, Insurance Uni 2 (then she’ll be guaranteed accommodation in Uni 3 if she doesn’t get the grades for Uni 2, but it feels weird putting the lower grade one as firm)

Can you accept your insurance offer even if you get the grades for your firm?

Can you accept your insurance offer even if you get the grades for your firm?

To answer this @WeeMadArthur1 no. If you make your firm grades you are allocated that place, and your insurance offer is released to another candidate. If you decide you prefer your insurance, you have to decline the firm and then go into clearing. Obvs you still may be able to gain a place at your insurance there. But it's not a given.

Can you say the unis - is it a popular course? Are they unis that are rarely in clearing?

Ah ok so she really needs to decide when she puts her choice whether she wants to move away from home then. We were hoping she’d have until august to decide (although to be fair I can’t see much changing with her between now and then).

Uni 2 (home town) does take people through clearing and does have a foundation year for the course she wants which they said they offer if people miss the grades by a lot. So i think that would be a good insurance choice.

But then if she doesn’t get the grades for Uni 1 the decision has been made for her about living at home.

Uni 3 is NTU, I’m not sure if they take people through clearing.

If she makes the grades she will be given a place there. You can't choose at that stage.

If she's unsure about moving out, uni 2 makes sense. She could live at home for Y1 but perhaps move in with friends for Y2/3.

Ideally she would put her favourite first. It's really important that they like the uni, course and location. Is it far from home? Could she pop home at the weekend if necessary?

Has she been to offer holder days at any if them? They really helped my two make their final decisions.

Meant to add - no point firming BBC and having AAB as insurance. The gap is big - no way the AAB is going to take her with (say) BCC or CCC.

What about firming the local one and putting the lower one as insurance? If she is as anxious as you say (I hear ya on that) then the move away sound slike a big gamble. Negotiating the commute and the uni experience locally would also be a big step for her.

NTU is a great uni - sorry is that the BBC? She wouldn't need clearing for that tho would she?

Can you accept your insurance offer even if you get the grades for your firm?

You automatically get the firm place if grades are met or the uni allows a slip and insurance offer then lapses. It might be worth a call on results day to insurance especially if it appears in Clearing. If they agree to accept her she could self release on ucas and swap.

Would living in halls at uni 2 be something to think about - see if she can cope with it? Live at home if not.

Her firm and insurance really do need to be regarded as just that - as others have said if she firms A she is committed to it unless she rejects her place and enters herself into clearing which is risky.

She has until May to decide - so plenty of time to think about it.

Has she considered taking a year out and applying with grades in hand for next year?

My similar sounding ds did this and it removed so much stress and gave him some breathing space to develop some of the practical skills he'd need for uni. This would also give her time to (hopefully) get her autism diagnosed which will make it easier to access support, get DSA etc.

@clary yes NTU is BBC, she really liked is there as well, and she likes the course.

Shes only been to one offer holder day so far but has a couple more booked in next month which we’re going to. So she’ll decide after that.

One of her concerns is that if she stays local she will basically continue to live as she does now (rarely leaving her room apart from to go to school) and won’t have the push to be forced to make friends.

If decides to put an away from home as her firm she wants to do it soon so she can try to get decent accommodation.

Its so stressful, I’m torn between thinking moving out could be the scary big push she needs, to then thinking she might just end up hiding in her room there and won’t even have us to check she’s ok.

@Scampuss we’ve talked about taking a year out, but sadly I think it would make her worse, she would get out of practice of speaking to people at all. She’s not in a position mentally to be able to get a part time job or anything.

@titchy living in halls in our home town is a good option actually. Feels very wasteful money wise but it would mean we’re really nearby if she’s really struggling.

i would go for the local one as top choice and encourage dd to try halls for the first year so she has the chance to live away from home be independent and make friends. She could then have the option of living at home in the later years. Also having the back up of the foundation year option could take the pressure off A levels.

What are the other unis?

I am sorry your dd is struggling with mental health. If I were you I would be concerned about how she will cope with uni education if she cannot ask an adult for help in class. Uni is not at all like school, and I can’t see how she will be ok to access the education even if she is living at home. I think you need to address her mental health issues as a priority and then worry about uni choices. I speak as mum of autistic dc also with mental health issues.

Make sure she applies for dsa when submitting her Student Finance application, whichever she chooses. The uni can supply a funded mentor to help her overcome the barriers of her anxiety. Might be worth approaching student support office at the offer holder days to see what they might recommend and if she can access support for being allocated quiet accommodation(if required) .

I agree with @biarritz , I think local live-out is the way to go. Some of the extra independence without taking it so far that it might negatively impact her whole experience of uni.

My DS is in a uni 3+ hours' drive away (4 hours by train) and it isn't great. They don't seem to have a lot of lectures, so he has a lot of downtime but can't come home. He hasn't made any friends, people seem very insular. Having to shop and cook for himself has been tiring but very useful, and I know friends who have DC living at home are worried that they're missing out on this important life skill.

I was on a course with a young autistic girl who was given a place at a great uni but required her to live in halls (1.5hrs from home) - her parents weren’t keen on her going so far from home and she was anxious about the move because they were. In the end it was the making of her. She made a lovely friends group she still has since leaving, she’s moved out of home, has a partner and a great job.

Sometimes the scary choice is the right one. I’d say firm uni 1 and insurance uni2 if she’s likely to get the grades - she can always leave and restart the following year if she really hates it or transfer.

I'd say firm uni 2. Insure uni 3. First year at home, build some confidence and potentially move out with fellow students in y2. I work in a uni and see so many fail and move back home in yr1.

Firm uni 2 as she can either live out or stay home depending on how she is doing. Also sounds like they will take her even if she drops a grade. Insure uni 3. Save uni 1 for post grad!

Just a thought - if uni 2 are most probably in clearing and generous with their clearing offers, you could risk not firming or insuring them (is it Leicester by any chance?) - could open up options with the other two as firm & insurance and give your dc more time to think

Academic and former admissions tutor here, just seen this thread.

I think the best bet is to firm U2 and insure U3. It is fantastic that@alpenguin knows a student in similar circs to DD who was put in the sink-or-swim situation of U1 and thrived. But for every such success, I have seen 10 who sank. It is just too much, too fast, for most who may be on the spectrum.

I like the idea that she could think about living in halls locally. She has a little while to think about this. It isn’t an extravagance if it helps her to come out of her shell, and she has the fallback of home.

Best wishes to DD

I wonder if the temptation to default back ti home if so close might not be good though? DD in Y1 at Uni has a number on her course who’ve struggled with MH but they have come through with support from the Uni and friends. Term 2 they are being more adventurous and independent. The living away and not too close to home has been just the tonic. Appreciate that won’t be for everyone though.

When I read posts like this it does seem imperative to me that the DD gets well before they start at uni. It’s not up to other students to help with recovery. Going to the home uni seems a no brainer in this case. If DD won’t come out of her room I think living away from home will be a marine challenge for everyone. Treating uni like school in the home town is probably the least stressful course of action.

In The Times letters page this week there was a letter from a doctor saying it was impossible for unis to look after students in the way parents want. Or the way some students need. He advocated waiting so greater maturity could help inform whether uni was the right place to be and an acceptance that better health was required. Not an acceptable position for some but my DC would have waited.

It won't be the right option for every student like this, but my autistic DD got a gap year job at a school (overseas but where we had relatives albeit some distance away). It was really the making of her in terms of gaining adult skills and confidence in a semi-supported environment with the ability to become more independent at her own pace. There are a range of UK boarding schools that employ gap students, using them in a variety of ways, so something to consider looking at for kids that might benefit from a structured year out, if it appeals.

Good luck supporting your DD with making the choices that seem right for her, and I hope she does well for the rest of this year off the back of that decision-making.