To think there must be something I can do?

[Burna86]

I know there is a University thread but posting here for traffic.

I had a full mental health breakdown which resulted in 2 suicide attempts.
When I was in A&E they said they would have to let DS school know.

DS was in year 13 preparing for ALevels with A* A A predictions.

I was then sent to a psychiatric hospital for 4 months. I am on quite strong medication and my DS has been amazing.

DS received results and got BBB, really disappointed but was last year when they were apparently marked down.

He took a year off and decided to apply for university this year. When I spoke to the school about the situation they said if they had known DS would have received special circumstances and been marked higher.

Apparently it was too late to do anything but they said some universities will accept lower grades for special circumstance's.

DS was told to apply for 2 High Universities, 1 middle and 2 that would accept the lower grades.

He has been offered the 2 low ones, declined by the middle one and nothing back from top 2 which really are a push anyway.

DS has been an amazing support to me through a very difficult time. I'm just so angry with myself for putting him through all this and not notifying the school at the time.
DS would never have asked for help and always seems chilled but he is very sensitive and bottles things up.

DH remembers a phone call from social services checking on DS but was also obviously all over the place and told them things were fine.

I just feel utterly distraught that I have messed up my sons future and really not sure if there is anything I can do?

DS did seem disappointed when mid university declined, they asked for AAB so is sure the top two will also decline.

Im just feeling so so sad that I have messed up his life.

Thank you for reading

@poetryandwine thanks for the correction.
It would be marvellous if all adverse circumstances could be considered.

Agreed!

@Yesssssssssss I totally agree, I'm sorry you and your son had to go through this.

@poetryandwine thank you so much for your detailed reply.
Yes both attempts were made in September 2022. Then my stay at hospital.

Although I am improving it has been a slow process and throughout 2023 DS did have caring duties, emotional and practical but not sure how this can be proved?

Obviously we can get proof of hospital admissions.

DS definitely does not want to retake, I suggested this for this year but he was adamant that he didn't want to.

A few people have said that where he would take his masters is more important than his degree. I'm not sure how far he wants to go as he lacks confidence in his abilities.
I'm hopeful that once he settles into university then it will appeal to him. But we shall see?

I truly feel that he would be a great student as he really understands psychology and loves the subject.

No specific career in mind just yet.

There are fantastic psychology departments at many lower tariff unis. The most important thing is that it is BPS accredited.

I'm not sure how far he wants to go as he lacks confidence in his abilities.

I won't add to poetry's detailed and (as ever!) kind and supportive response, but if he lacks academic confidence, a 3xB uni is going to be so much better for him than struggling to keep up somewhere where everyone has straight As.

All the very best to both of you

Hi, again -

Well if DS doesn’t want to retake and lacks confidence, I think it is a bit tricky, OP.

First, I agree you haven’t ruined his life and I am very sorry I forgot to say that earlier. He may have found his vocation through the experiences your family have been through.

DS can reapply with these grades and ask his school to explain about the Special Circs. That may get him somewhere with ABB or even AAB level universities, but Psychology is so very competitive, and far from my field, that I can’t offer a good opinion about the chances of success. They are certainly higher at ABB places than AAB places. If he chooses to do this he can begin by getting the School’s agreement and as part of this he should detail his caring responsibilities during Y13. Then DS could email the relevant Admissions tutors, explain the situation again including caring responsibilities, and indicating that his school will be glad to follow up formally regarding Special Circs. It’s been a few years since I did admissions - I think Special Circs officially go via UCAS but I don’t know.

I think with the medical evidence, a description of caring will be believed. I am not sure it will rise to the formal Caring Flag.

But going with an offer DS already has, doing very well at one of these unis - because I bet his teachers are right - and thus both gaining confidence and becoming eligible for a Master’s at a more selective uni also sounds like a great pathway. Then he can work in counselling. Or if he wants a PhD a strong UG from anywhere plus a strong Master’s from a selective uni is a well recognised pathway.

Sorry, my inexperience in Psychology pathways has been showing.

The more I think about it, the more advantages I see to going with the options DS has now rather than waiting another year. That us, if you think the plan really will build his confidence. We can’t assess that from afar.

So sorry to read of your challenges, that’s a lot to be dealing with. As others have said, contact each university and ask if they have an extenuating circumstances process or form to complete. You say your DS has been amazing helping you, could he be designated a young carer? If so, that can be indicated on his UCAS application and he would be eligible for a contextual offer in some universities, for example Exeter. I’m not sure if you can do that retrospectively though. But no harm speaking to admissions at all universities about it? Or could he consider a foundation year?

There is a very specific description of special consideration eligibility, and it amounts to up to a few % increase (2, 3, 4% etc) to the raw marks, enough to tip you into the next category if you’re borderline, but it’s not going to make a large difference. AFAIK it does have to be applied for at the time of the examination.

I know it’s very hard not to beat yourself up, but you sound like you are really committed to supporting your DS and there was, realistically, nothing you could have done in the circumstances.

My DC were designated young careers for me last year so feel free to pm me if you think it would be helpful.

Wishing you and your DS all the very best.

Have a look at the widening participation sections of the sites he is interested in. There will often be support for young carers, which is what your DS is/was.
Many will accept lower grades (contextual offers in some places) for a student with an experience like your DS, but he would have to be proactive in making sure we knew and his application could be considered fully.
For example, where I work he could apply for a specific programme for students who’ve faced difficulties during their sixth form. His application would then get additional consideration (and we usually accept about two grades below standard offer for students on this programme) and he’d receive extra support with accom and transition.

Additionally if you are still in a difficult place, when he gets to uni he should make them aware he has caring responsibilities. That means support can be set up from the get go, rather than trying to frantically put it in place at a point of crisis

Can he not go through clearing in August??

BBB is often enough to get into a higher ranking Uni during clearing, maybe not in the top 10 Unis, but certainly possible for some subjects in the top 30 rankings.

I've been looking at clearing for the past two years and was surprised to see what grade reductions they put up on their websites.

Psychology is a very popular course at the moment. I doubt that there will be many clearing opportunities at the very top unis.

Do the unis your DS applied to this year know about the 'special circumstances'? Was it referred to in his personal statement or di the school/his referee refer to it? If not, the unis will just see 3xB and take it at face value.

I lecture in psychology in HE. Let me tell you about it.

As you know, universities are financially strapped. Psychology courses are good earners. High student numbers, big lectures, exams are standard over long essays so less marking and few lab costs. The Russel Group unis have massively increased their psychology cohorts since the tories lifted the cap on students. They are hiring more teaching staff on precarious contracts and giving less to more students.

Some of the less prestigious universities still have excellent facilities but fewer students. Those students can get an excellent education and a great deal of attention. If your son goes to a course that is BPS accredited he has every opportunity to shine. If he is interested in research or DClinPsy what he does in the years after university matter hugely. If he is super keen on a high status uni he can do his masters degree there. Psychology requires masters degrees.

It will work out. I promise this is not a ruined opportunity. Take care.

Please do not feel guilty - you were ill. Your OH could have talked with the school - nothing is just down to you. And futures are hard to predict in any event. You do not really know if this has adversely affected your son's future.

Please bear in mind that education is more than just exams and bits of paper. Your son has learned a lot of life skills as a result of your illness. He will understand those with mental illness; he has stepped up to care for you; he will have matured enormously, which will make him better able to cope with university, whichever one he goes to; he will make a better life partner for someone from all he has learned.

OP
I bet your DS learned a lot more "life" whilst helping care for you than he ever would at university.
He sounds a lovely lad and will do fine where ever he goes.
You should be very proud of him
Please done beat yourself up.
Mental illness is so hard for everyone to deal with.
Xx

Fantastic advice. Would also add, your DS should write to the preferred Universities explaining his extenuating circumstances. Or get his old school to write and explain.

Many Uni's would be understanding given the circumstances and predicted grades. There isn't enough space on the UCAS form to provide a lot of background info. He may also be considered a young carer which many Uni's offer reduced grades too.

Sorry I haven't replied for a bit, I've had some stuff on.

I want to thank you all for your lovely and helpful replies. I am so so grateful.

In answer to a few questions. He did refer to my health in his personal statement and the school have also given an account of the circumstances.

I did not see what the school wrote but my son was asked to explain everything and then it was put in his application by the school.

His teacher spoke to him and said how sorry the were for everything he had gone through, and that they wished they had know.

Also how amazing and resilient he is and should be very proud of his achievements.

I've really taken on board your comments regarding the top universities are not necessarily the best option for him and must admit I didn't look at things in that way.

My husband and I have not had a university education and I think maybe we have been swayed by others expectations. We are however so so proud of our son in his educational achievements and the young man he has become.

I am absolutely disgusted that I put him through this, it's something I said I would never do. But my only defense is that I was very very unwell.

Baring in mind that the details have been put in his applications is it worth still chasing up each university individually?

Thank you all again x

Admissions tutors are generally happy to help, and even if the answer is negative this query is more touching and more professionally interesting than most. Also much better grounded than many! I do recommend email as explained above.

As long as DS is prepared for a negative response, which would be a matter of policy, it cannot hurt to query.

PS I say that believing there are many good reasons to go with one of his present options, succeed strongly, and do a Master’s at a more selective university. From there he will have a variety of options.

@Burna86 yes definitely. I know someone who made contact with the Uni following difficult circumstances and they were given a contextual offer which meant they achieved the grade requirement. Your DS is also the first in his family to attend University apparently, so this should help his case.

This being so, like other posters have stated, he has definitely done well to achieve those grades regardless.

Which Uni's is he interested in? Someone on here might have better advice if they know which Uni's are involved.

Definitely he should make proactive contact. Having grades below the typical minimum (especially as he already has them in hand) may mean that his application is weeded out before the personal statement has even been looked at.

As someone said upthread, as long as he’s polite and prepared for them to say no, he has nothing to lose by asking.

Dear OP,
Please stop blaming yourself. You were very very ill. You have been given some great advice so I won't add to it, but I wanted to send you some love.
X

I just want to add that every University should have link where you can email the admissions team direct about any extenuating circumstances. You/your DS should do this ASAP. If you tell me which Uni's (you can PM me if you wish) I a happy to find the links and PM them to you.

Also mention that you/your husband didn't go to University which is why you weren't sure what to do to flag this with the admissions team earlier.

Good luck. 🤞

Ive been away from this thread as I've been unwell .

Thank you for your suggestions and @Toffeebananachocolate I will send you a pm if you don't mind?

Im going to get him to chase up with an email but not quite sure what he should say? Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

Firstly, you were so ill so don't blame yourself for anything.

Re help now, if you look under each university applied for contextual offers webpage its worth seeing if they take young carers into account. Bath and Exeter do for example but many others do not but it is still worth getting him registered for young carers (think a professional has to do this, maybe see if school can do) and let all the universities know and explain it applied before including during his A levels and why. Its roughly one grade lower if they take it into account but varies by university. You don't have to prove caring to get young carers, it is designed exactly for your type of circumstances and also can bring extra pastoral care for the young person.

Exam consideration I think does need to be applied for close to exams and your circumstances if during exam period would have qualified you for special consideration if school thought they impacted him and that is likely they would put that. I think its 4% in your case. Obviously too late for this now but don't worry about missing it as universities can make adjustments instead. Universities also have a special consideration form which I think school and sometimes the young person fill in, its worth calling/emailing the admissions team and / or looking on website for it. This often doesn't directly result in a lower offer (and normally if you've had exam consideration you won't get this as well) but they can be more flexible on who they take and may take him with lower grades than normal, its worth a try. His school should be able to help with the special consideration forms though would message the universities to pre alert them anyway as decisions are coming out all the time.

It may also be worth letting the university know that rejected him that you have young carers and special consideration and he really wants to go there, is there anything they can do. Decisions can be changed I think. At least my daughter had 2 offers which she went back to and managed to get them both 1 grade lower by talking to the admissions team, one due to special circumstances, one due to a slight course change.