Winchester

[YodaBabe]

Dd is already stressing about attending uni and has now said she'll only go somewhere if she has a friend to go with.

She put Winchester as an option and has received an offer but didn't attend the open day.

Does anyone have any opinions on Winchester?

She has some other offers from unis that she has seen and seemed really keen on but she'd be going alone and she's dismissing them now as she'll have no friends to go with.

We are trying to get her to consider the others over Winchester but she's digging her heels in if we say anything other then what she wants hear.

We understand it's her decision but dismissing other options just so she can go somewhere with 1 friend just seems wrong.

I have seen many positive comments about Winchester on wiwikay.

From a different perspective I grew up in Winchester (and my family still lives here). Whilst the city has much to offer the middle aged me the teenage me found it stifling small and provincial and I couldn’t wait to go to Uni in London. This was very much the normal feeling amongst those I grew up with. I guess it really depends on what she is looking for. Whilst rankings are not everything it is fairly low down.

@YodaBabe This surely depends on what her A levels are going to look like and what she wants to study. If she’s bright enough for Southampton, Winchester is not a great choice. What are her career thoughts? What are the other unis? Is Winchester local?

To be honest she is a bit immature. Going with a friend is a luxury. Plenty of dc don’t do that because uni, subject and career are more important. Plus what if her friend finds new mates in freshers’ week? Could be a complete disaster. Yes, she should consider other unis and consider that friends don’t always stay as friends. Also consider not going this year as she’s possibly not mature enough.

Understand her reticence at going somewhere without friends, but my experience and anecdotal reports from friends is that when they get to 6th form college or university, established friendships can fizzle or completely die out. Sometimes that happens immediately - my DD was dropped on day one at 6th form because the friend decided that they wanted to reinvent themselves and mix with new people after 5 yrs of secondary school and I’ve heard similar about university friendships.

If this happens, she will have made a decision that she could come to regret because she is using friends as a safety net. (Which, being objective, is not necessarily fair on the friends anyway?)

That said, Winchester (for certain subjects - you don’t say which, but English and creative writing are excellent) is a great university and the town itself is lovely - my son will be boarding at the [state] 6th form there from September so we’ve had a good look around. It’s pretty, safe, has good social amenities and part-time job opportunities. It has a good park&ride, bus services and is connected to London and the coast for days out.

If she is concerned about making new friends, then looking at the Student Union/extra curricular and social opportunities at each university would be a better bet. Most uni websites have a list of all their clubs/societies on them.

I mean this in the kindest possible way but if your DD's decision to go to uni rests on the one condition she has a friend to go there with, she really isn't ready for uni. She seems to not grasp what going to university is about or understand the point of it for her future career. I'm usually a bit unsure about students taking gap years but in this case I'm almost 100% certain a gap year would be the best thing for her right now to consolidate her thoughts and come to understanding of what she really wants to do.

I went to Winchester for similar reasons and regretted it. It's a nice enough university and a lovely city, but very small and not particularly academically challenging. It's also VERY expensive. I wish I'd taken another gap year and grown up a bit, then gone somewhere more exciting!

OP,

You are best placed to assess the academic suitability of Winchester for your DD, so I won’t attempt to.

But gently, as an academic, I tend to agree with PPs that basing this decision on a friendship sounds like skewed priorities and may well backfire. It doesn’t speak to the idea that your DD is looking outward, prepared to embrace some of the many opportunities that uni has to offer.

Of course I realise that may be exaggerated, she may just think breaking the ice with a friend would be easier. But what happens when her friend has different interests? How will your DD develop her own identity?

This isn’t an uncommon situation. I tend to think many students would benefit from a gap year. Indeed ours who have had one usually do very well - not just in their outcomes, but during their studies. (I am in STEM, so they have to convince the School they won’t lose their Maths during the gap year. I think that is very slowly becoming more possible nationwide). Perhaps DD should consider this?

Right now both you and she will be surrounded by the height of her friends’ ambitions and, perhaps tiresomely, the ambitions of her friends’ parents for their DC. Try to ignore them. Things will be different in August.

She may not want to hear it, but there is absolutely no guarantee that her friend will end up at Winchester. The friend might not get the grades, or might change her mind about going to uni.

Thanks for the reply's

I'm not against Winchester but only if she was going for the right reasons. Gloucestershire has always been the front runner but I think she's just getting anxious/nervous.

Ive used all the reasons you've all set out
Friend might not get grades
She'll make new friends
Meet new people
Find mates with same interests etc
She liked the courses at other unis better

I always used the MN rule of pick your battles but this is one I'm really trying to argue against this

Completely agree that she'll make more and new friends, she only has a handful from primary and secondary as she went to a college and made new friends including the one she seems set to follow!

Crikey when does it get easier!😂

Can’t see much difference between these unis! Both small and lowish tariff. So very similar in small cities. Not entirely sure she’s doing herself down now you mention Gloucester. What subject?

I'd go visit Winchester, it is a very small City (although boundaries stretching by the day with huge new developments, which are very different in character), very quiet at night and not exactly buzzing for young people, although I do see a few students at the top of the main street, which is where a number of the cheaper pubs are and a fair few students work in restaurants in the central main high street area. Expensive accommodation though!

Gloucester doesn’t have anything much for students either. I think both recruit quite a few local and mature students.

@YodaBabe has your DD told the friend that she’s planning on going to Winchester because they are too?

Because it’s quite possible the friend might be uncomfortable about that, and not because she doesn’t like your DD.

When my DD was looking and applying to start this year, I suggested looking at X university to her as a possible insurance choice. She said no partly because she didn’t like the location and the course wasn’t special compared to others. But also because one of her best friends has a deferred place to go there in September. DD said it would be awkward because they’d both feel obliged to spend time together, yet would want to make new friends on their different courses and would feel bad if they didn’t want to invite the other along. And it may result in them drifting apart which would be awkward and a shame. Better she felt to keep the friendship separate given she preferred other universities anyway. They’ve planned to visit each other at their different universities and are looking forward to that.

Your DD’s friend may feel similar that she wants to make friends at uni without feeling bad about not inviting your DD along.

So if your DD hasn’t discussed this with her friend, it’s worth doing. The friend’s view may make your DD realise that her plan of going with a friend isn’t that viable.

Have to say though, loads do go with friends! DD had 4 friends go to Exeter, 3 to Bath and she met several friend groups at Bristol from other schools. At her school, Manchester attracted friendship groups too. I’ve seen 1/5of a year group from a Sheffield school go to Sheffield Hallam! Another huge cohort Sheffield. I bet they are staying in friendship groups. From DDs primary school, YR, 3 friends went to Exeter! Had been close friends throughout their school years, as were their parents. This does seem to happen a lot.

Oh of course some do go in friendship groups, and it’s bound to happen with popular universities like the ones you named, and large schools.

But that’s different to choosing a university you weren’t the most keen on for its own merits simply because one friend is going there.

Winchester has offer holder open days where they split off the prospective students (from other visitors) to attend three hours of activities with the academic departments. This would be a great chance for your DD to find out if she really likes it and to make contacts with other prospective students.
The parents/carers/supporters join them later. (There are separate talks for them or they can visit the city). It seemed quite daunting for me as a parent but was a real confidence boost for the prospective students and a taste of student/academic life.

These days are called Experience Winchester Days and take place in February and March.

I did nothing with DDs when we visited unis. It’s preferable that they do the sessions. I’m not going there! Yes. See what it’s like.

I agree with this. OP, does your DD actually want to go to university at all? Might she be happier continuing to live at home for the time being and getting a job?