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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Uni open days

10 replies

Beesie · 23/10/2023 12:37

I went with my youngest to an open day on Saturday in Cardiff. I haven't stopped crying since. I can't cope with the thought of her going away. There's a uni close by where she could do the same degree but live at home. Am I being selfish? What's wrong with me that I feel like this?

OP posts:
RoyKentFanclub · 23/10/2023 12:40

You need to make sure she doesn’t see this. It’s natural to not want them to leave but if you’ve done your job properly in raising an independent and happy child then you’ve raised her to do exactly that. Be proud of the fact that she’s starting her own adult life.

I know it’s hard, my eldest went this autumn and I’m lucky if I get a text every three days. But I know that really this is a good thing. It isn’t about me and how I feel.

GuilianaDeFrysTable · 23/10/2023 12:46

There is nothing wrong with feeling like this, it just means you love them very much and enjoy their company. However, you can't stop them spreading their wings, they have almost as much holiday as term time, Ds has 29 weeks contact time so is home over Christmas for 4 weeks, home at Easter for 5 weeks and honestly after their end of year exams finish he is home after that a whole 4 weeks before term actually ends.

Even if Ds wanted to go to the university in our home town we would still have put him in halls for first year to make friends and have that experience. You want them to experience that half way house of independence; not quite out in the world but sort of.

mondaytosunday · 23/10/2023 12:47

Second that @RoyKentFanclub! I'm very very close to my daughter and she'll be leaving next September for university. I will miss her dreadfully but I'd never dream of suggesting she stay local! She has to learn to be on her own and university is a protected environment in which to do so. She'll be home for the long vacations soon enough!

Seeline · 23/10/2023 12:49

You are being selfish if you let your DD know how you feel. It's common to feel sad about them going, but don't let this influence their decisions.

Uni is so much more than just study. Going away gives people a chance to become independent - meeting new people, learning a new city, shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry, budgeting.

term times are very short - they are home before you know it! Use it as an opportunity to expand your life - start a new hobby, improve your social life, visit new places - whatever you've been meaning to do for the last 18 years but haven't had the time.

TripleDaisySummer · 23/10/2023 12:52

Am I being selfish? What's wrong with me that I feel like this?

If you insist that she absolutely do the nearby degree with no consideration about what's best for her then I do think that would be very selfish.

If your just having a wobble because a new phase is coming that's perfectly normal IME - and probably better to realise and work though it now than at very last minute - like my own DMum did literally just as she was dropping me off though MIL was similar took her a few weeks to realise he wouldn't be home every weekend like she thought.

I think they also get more ready - DD1 was very ready to be off when it came to it but this time even in Y13 she wasn't.

Comefromaway · 23/10/2023 12:53

Yes, you are being selfish.

Is the Uni near home as high in the rankings for her subject? Are the module options the same? All things that need to be taken into consideration.

Fifireee · 23/10/2023 13:05

I understand. I completely know where you’re coming from but you need to swallow this, say nothing and let them decide.
If you try to control or manipulate them to do what you want even if that is done from a place of love then that would be a huge mistake you will regret.

RampantIvy · 23/10/2023 13:08

I agree with everyone else. Please don't guilt trip your DD into studying at the local university. She will end up resenting you for it. She needs to go where is best for her.

if she is ready to fly the nest it means that you have done a great job.

SandyIrving · 23/10/2023 13:09

Two of my DC stayed at home for uni. It was nightmare - disturbed my beauty sleep falling out of Ubers, forgetting to lock the door, bringing friends round for prees etc. DH and I felt like we were 50 year olds staying in a student house.

Think of the positives. But fine to be a bit sad.

W0tnow · 23/10/2023 16:32

I can't wait for mine to go. She is so ready. She is so ready to morph into the amazing adult she has the potential to be and she won't do that at home. Yes I'll miss her, but I'm incredibly excited for her.

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