Do people find it hard to adjust to life after Oxbridge?

[TsaritsaAlexandrinaPapanicholous]

Do you think it’s harder than normal to adjust to life after university if you want to Oxbridge?

The system and way of life is very different to other places. The bubble amongst very bright and driven people isn’t found elsewhere (other universities sure). Getting to live in beautiful buildings and go for dinners etc.

Unless you graduate and move into a high paying job, it seems hard to come down from especially if you’re not from a rich/posh family.

It’s nice you’re proud. My parents were horrified I was going to university at all, far less Oxford.

You most definitely should be proud of your DD @Smallgeranium. I was specifically referring to an element on that peculiar thread who purport to be on there to give guidance to newer parents yet all too frequently segue into tedious posts about the minutiae of their DCs' daily lives like it is something to be revered. Formals seem to be a particular perpetual novelty. Some only seem to pop up when they specifically want to bray about some achievement or other. I find it one of the strangest threads on here.

Well said, @BermudaBats

On the other hand, it's worth bearing in mind that there are many thousands of parents with DC in Oxbridge, but it's only a handful who go on about minutiae and give 'advice' on MN for years on end.

Fair enough to post while DC navigating the application process .... but ten years later?

Of course people adjust to life after Oxbridge. Just like they adjust to life after anything. What an odd thread.

I don't think it is such an odd thread although I would phrase it more 'Do people move on from their Oxbridge experience?' IME most do even if they were their halcyon years but there is a minority for whom it remains a big part of their identity throughout their lives. I think this is probably more linked to a lack of social confidence than any sense of superiority or arrogance.

My DC have moved on absolutely fine. Sad to leave (that’s hardly unique to Oxbridge students) but excited about the next stage. It’s just a natural progression. Two more DC currently in their final year, no signs they’ll be any different from the older ones.

Amused I'm not the only one gobsmacked by that thread - @Smallgeranium, the majority seem lovely and it's only natural to feel proud so fair enough, but I do wonder at the batty level of overinvestment by some contributors. I was on it back in the day when my dc applied (one got in, one didn't) and looked at it yesterday as dc3 is thinking about applying next year and it seems to have got even more bonkers ...

I went to Cambridge, didn't like it, (I'm private schooled and middle class but still felt out of place, I didn't like the claustrophobic/highly competitive atmosphere) I was horrified when they suggested I stayed on to do a PhD and found life in the wider world 1m more enjoyable. So life after Oxbridge came as a huge relief. I wish people wouldn't constantly tell schoolchildren that uni will be the happiest days of their life because actually 3/4 years in your late teens should not be the happiest, if they are, then what have you to look forward to?

So you didn't like it but both of your children applied. I must admit I have never met an Oxbridge graduate missing the logical thinking

Good place to ask-everyone on here has at least one, sometimes 2, Oxbridge degrees!

To be fair, if you go there for your BA they give you an MA for free a few years later, and if you go to one for the BA and the other for a subsequent degree then you can get a second BA for an admin fee of about £10!

@Carleslireis 🤣🤣
Even easier for me- St Andrews gives you an MA for a first degree-all you have to do is spread it over 4 years!

I hear what you're saying but it was my dc's decision not mine and not influenced by me. Anyway they applied to Oxford not Cambridge, which I have no experience of. Had they wanted to apply to Cambridge I would have still kept my mouth shut because my children are not me and many people love it there. It would be just as wrong to stop someone applying to Oxbridge because of your personal feelings as it would be to make someone feel bad for not getting in to Oxbridge because you think it's the be-all-and-end-all. Whatever uni you go to should not define you, life is about so much more than that.

But surely they have heard all their life your opinions yet all 3 are/were determined to apply to Oxbridge. In most cases children are inspired by the stories told by their parents are it is uncommon that they do perfectly opposite. But you seemed to be unhappy there yet you decided to pursue there postgraduate studies- does not sound logical

I am sure there are many people grateful for the opportunity to study at Cambridge, offer of PhD and tbh grateful to have opportunity to study anywhere. Ah the problems of the first world... Cambridge not good enough

(I have never mentioned that University defines anybody and as such ANY institution of any sort. These are your words )

They have not heard all their lives about my experiences at Cambridge because I never mentioned it - why would I bore on to my children about the fact I didn't like it much there? I doubt any of my children could even tell you what college I attended or what I studied. It was three years of my life a long time before children came along and precisely my point as per the thread title (which is old btw) is I adjusted so well to life after Oxbridge I never thought about going there. They're at a very academic school where applications to Oxbridge are encouraged by teachers and their peer group, hence their interest. I didn't think Cambridge wasn't "good enough" for a PHD, I didn't want to do a PhD. Anyway, sorry my post annoys you so much and sorry my children have minds of their own and I choose not to direct their futures.

They have not heard all their lives about my experiences at Cambridge because I never mentioned it - why would I bore on to my children about the fact I didn't like it much there?

Ok. Point taken.But I must admit that you shocked me here. In every single country of this world parents do anything they can and definitely as little as talking and talking to their kids to prevent their kids to do the same mistakes to save them from the negative experience they had.

If I shocked you, then you're easily shocked! Attending a university which didn't particularly suit my personality is not a mistake on par with - say - being an alcholic, running up huge gambling debts, marrying someone abusive - they're the kind of thing I'd talk and talk to my children about avoiding, not that I fall into either category. Other people loved their Oxbridge experience, it was up to my kids to decide if they thought it would suit them. They decided it would. The one who went to Oxford enjoyed it, different place, different person to me, different subject, different time. The one who didn't had a great time elsewhere. Hope that's clear now.

It a ceremonial MA not a real/taught one

Yes I know, I have one. I also have the second BA by incorporation. They still give you a certificate for both even though they’re not real qualifications.

Maybe it is down to a subject you studied?

Well, I would talk about things you listed but to an adult child and not earlier of course

Nothing to do with the subject, I loved that, it was down to not liking the town and very possibly my choice of college

I was pleased when dc decided they preferred the look of Oxford to C, so that didn't come up, also gently encouraged them to choose a college carefully not like I did - but I did it in the 80s when very little info was available. Anyway, I think you've heard enough from me on this not very interesting anecdote.

PSML at beautiful buildings. I went to a modern college and it was ugly as anything - although living in a hideous 60s building with dodgy heating, a barely working microwave and a fridge of questionable cleanliness was excellent preparation for office life.

I graduated into the '08 recession though, and that was absolutely awful. Even my friends with jobs lined up ended up mostly unemployed. Can't join the Lehman Brothers grad scheme if Lehman Brothers no longer exists. I landed my dream job and was unceremoniously laid off 4 months in. It was terrible, so I would say I had a hard time adjusting, but mostly because we'd all been prepared to go into a thriving economy and instead graduated into the Great Recession. That goes for all my friends, regardless of where they went to University.

I assume this is Churchill?

@Feelingempty12 Nope, not quite that ugly, but close.

You read it for your “social education”? Give over Just admit you like a nose and being able to judge.

You yourself frequently post almost daily in the HE boards saying you’re a RG STEM former admissions tutor and have been found so for well over five years, even when being at an RG university isn’t relevant to the thread and your experience as an admissions tutor must be getting outdated by now.

There’s a lot of pomposity & repetitiveness in the Higher Ed board, and not all of it is confined to the Oxbridge threads.