my new student won't wake up!

[breezehead]

DC has just started uni in a place far from home, and already has missed several lectures/seminars because of sleeping through them. This is definitely partly due to partying, but also partly due to chronic habits of lateness etc exacerbated by OCD. (I won't go into full psych history but...I could.) I've talked to a kindly person in the student wellbeing office, who explained what support the uni can offer, and we will work on getting more support on the ground in place. But obviously no-one is going to go in and shake DC awake every morning. DC is enthusiastic about the course and is liking being at uni, but is also finding things all a bit overwhelming, and is also staying up late, etc. If this is something your DC has struggled with and if you have found useful or helpful practical strategies to put in place, I would be grateful for any advice, up to and including the most effective wake-up devices to add to the multiple alarms on the phone. Thanks.

i never went to lectures 😬 crammed massively before exams

a lot of unis don't bother to monitor attendance of lectures. It's only seminars and tutor meetings that are monitored

Get him a Clocky.

He’ll have to get out of bed to chase it around to stop it.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rolling-Sleeper-Bed-Room-Clockie-Run-away/dp/B000PWLTNA/ref=asc_df_B000PWLTNA/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=262942160360&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3159700650364250946&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006964&hvtargid=pla-302017476448&psc=1

Students now usually don't really go out on weekends it's all week night stuff

I had similar issues when I was younger. I used to put my alarm clock on the other side of the room so I physically had to get out of bed to turn it off! It didn't always wake me up. I overslept for all sorts - including an afternoon shift at work and a job interview.

It's not as easy as just going to bed earlier - of course I tried this but just couldn't sleep!

The vibrating alarms and the maths one (so long as it's really loud)look great!

It rarely happens now I'm older - although I now do shift work more in line with my body clock and only do two early shifts every 10 days. For those I use a Lumie alarm clock that mimics the sunrise, with my phone alarm as backup! Not needed the backup yet though.

basically turn up or fail the course, he needs to reign in the partys, i usually use two / three alarms, staged with different times and keep a go bag ready for university for the next day incase i would be late in the morning. @breezehead

Forgetting the rights and wrongs and privacy issues etc and just to solve the problem. An Alexa with drop in rights enabled. You can drop in and call his name etc until he replies. I use one for mu mum (with her permission) with a camera so I can drop in and see her and call to her if she isn’t answering her phone.

The my ds is at is just phasing in a qr code register for all sessions. No more 9am Monday lecture absences, hopefully...

@Loverofoxbowlakes i wished they had enforced attendance at my uni, I think it would've made my experience much better. At 18 i just wasn't responsible enough to manage myself. By the way I studied geography...oxbowlakemeander is part of my email address i've had since I started uni lol

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I think he needs to grow up and maybe he would if you stopped babying him.

How to make yourself hated by all your neighbours/flatmates in halls.

Presumably you're helping with financing the partying?

You tell your child that you will cut off any money unless they get to lectures on time.

The cause of the issue isn’t likely to be lack of an effective alarm clock - it’s to do with their motivation.

There is no quick fix solution when it comes to changing the priorities of a young adult. I’m afraid that failing a class may be their only wake up call.

Life lessons like that can be hard, but do build resilience.

All you can do is be there to support them emotionally, be their safe base and encourage them to keep trying and change their routine if completing the degree is really what they want.

The cause of the issue isn’t likely to be lack of an effective alarm clock - it’s to do with their motivation

In my experience, ringing your students up to ask after their welfare when they are late for an early tutorial is an effective way of stimulating their motivation to attend.

Have you tried a sun rise alarm. It mimics sunrise with a light that goes from dark to full sunshine over half an hour and then makes alarm noises. It’s been a game changer in our house for a dc that sounds similar to yours.

What solutions has he thought of and tried?

I think this is one of those things where he has to take some responsibility. University is about preparing for the world of work and if he wants a job with office hours, he is going to have to find a way to overcome this.

All of the suggestions are great, but I'd ask why he isn't trying to come up with some solutions and encourage him to.

As an aside I was reading the other day about some presentations of adhd meaning on average, people with this particular variety wake up on average 2 hours later than NT people. That's not an easy thing to overcome.

Thanks again for all the helpful suggestions. We've had a chat this weekend and he will be trying some of these ideas out, as well as some ideas he's developed for himself. All much appreciated.

We have just gone through similar with our DS in Yr 1 - he now has 3 alarms that go off 5 mins apart, 1st is phone, then electronic alarm, then a battery operated alarm that is on his windowsill so he has to get up to turn off - this has worked for him so far, and he has stopped going out clubbing every night as he just couldn’t cope with it - hopefully your DS will settle soon and realise he can’t burn the candle all night every night.

Came here to say this.

Also encourage them to set alarms to remind them to go to bed. I've been there getting sucked into a netflix series or whatever. Or set time limits on electronics.

DS2 has set his google home to wake him up with "obnoxious music". I think this is if he snoozes the alarm or maybe it can't be snoozed... maybe if he ignores too many alarms...? he did it when he left home and I was no longer there to shout at him 😂

I'm ashamed to say I missed a weekly tutorial with the head of dept because it was at 9am on a Friday and I'd always go clubbing on a Thursday til about 3 or 4 in the morning and sleep until the afternoon. It didn't affect me adversely at all in terms of grades, though I suspect that would different now.

Oh baby students like this drive me crazy. It is not a sufficient excuse for missing classes.

So he needs several alarm clocks, all set at 2 minutes apart. and - this is the important bit - at least 2 of them - preferably an old-fashioned really loud alarm, need to be on the other side of his room, so he HAS to get out of bed to stop its noise.

He needs to get real about time-keeping.

And long term, he needs to make a choice - partying and jeopardising his studies, or actually growing up. In my course/department, we take student presence seriously. They need to turn up!

My DH made it to the end if his first term at uni before being called to his tutor's office to be asked why he hadn't been attending seminars.

DH asked "what's a seminar?"
He'd thought you just needed to show up to the lectures. He'd just been partying the rest of the week.

The tutor explained and he sorted it out and got his degree.

Years later he bumped into his old tutor again who said he actually thought it was quite hilarious to have been asked this question by his hapless student and had been dining out on this anecdote.

They need to learn to sort it out for themselves op. An alarm clock in the post is a good idea.

How did this work when he lived at home? Did you get him up?

lots of good ideas here but also Govee Led lights can be set with an app to run through a “sunrise” over 15 minutes until they are fully bright. I love it in the winter, it’s very annoying and definitely wakes me up!