Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Flip

Original poster

Finding it hard to settle down now dd gone

16 replies

Ceci03 · 26/09/2023 14:51

So I know I'm feeling a bit pathetic. Just finding it hard to get on with things now that dd has gone to uni. She's nearly 4 hours away by car, more by train so won't be back very often. I'm happy for her and I know they have to have their own lives. Just finding it hard. Can't be arsed with the house or cooking or doing anything much cos what's the point. We are very close as I'm single mum and her dad not around. I have a ds 15 but he's very self contained and independent. Doesn't talk very much. I miss her so much. I know, I should have prepared better. We got so close the last 2 years when She was doing her a levels. Please don't tell me I need to get my own life cos I know

OP posts:

PlayItSafe · 26/09/2023 14:54

I think you’re being hard on yourself - it’s a big transition. It WILL get easier and will feel more “normal” for her to be away, but it takes time to adjust. It’s still very new.

Hill1991 · 26/09/2023 15:10

Have you tried face timing a couple of times a week when I moved away my mum really struggled not seeing me so I carved some time out to face time her, and now when I'm working lates I'll FaceTime her when I get back so she knows I'm alright x

Original poster

Ceci03 · 26/09/2023 15:54

Yeh maybe when she gets her timetable we can get a regular slot going. I dont want to be a needy mother either . It's her birthday tmw first time I haven't seen her on her birthday. Think when I've gotten over that it will get easier.

OP posts:

rowantree1997 · 26/09/2023 16:00

FaceTime is a lifesaver in these situations!

SallyWD · 26/09/2023 16:20

Oh I can imagine! I'm dreading this day. I wouldn't tell you to get a life. It's perfectly natural to feel this way. Allow yourself to grieve her absence and slowly get used to the new situation. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself.

43ontherocksporfavor · 26/09/2023 16:22

It’s hard and takes a while. DD was 4 hrs away too and came home only once before Christmas. Have to say, they come back quite annoying and messy and I was quite happy to wave her back off again! When she graduated last year, she was home two months before moving out for good. It’s the way it should be. We get on far better now she is a grown up with bills to pay etc

KeepSmiling89 · 26/09/2023 16:26

OP, as others have said, you need to be kind to yourself!

I didn't leave home until I was 23 to do my postgrad degree and stayed in student accommodation as was a couple of hours away. I did my undergraduate while I was still living at home.
I had a part time job and worked Thursday nights (finished at around 8 or 9pm). I got into a routine of calling my mum every Thursday night just to have a chat and an update.
I see someone else has suggested planning regular FaceTime chats with your DD so you've still got that connection and it's a fab idea.

I'm sure you'll find your feet again soon - maybe ask your DS if he wants to join in a chat with DD as well?

HappySonHappyMum · 26/09/2023 16:29

I'm totally with you. We dropped my DD on Sunday and it's breaking my heart. We're very close and Saturday was the worst day ever, she was tearful, I was tearful, she was wanting loads of cuddles because she wasn't going to be able to have them everyday anymore. I felt like my heart would break in two. Wanted all her favourite meals cooked over the weekend. She was tearful when we left and on FaceTime later that evening. I know it will get easier but I hadn't realised how physically painful it was actually going to be. We spent so much time together through Covid and A levels. I've always worked from home and she said there's never been a day when I haven't been there. I want her to live her best life and I know she'll love her course. I just feel so broken right now.

Eukanuba · 26/09/2023 17:04

Sending you a big hug , op 🌷

Original poster

Ceci03 · 26/09/2023 20:01

@HappySonHappyMum yes that's what it is she said I was her best friend and she's mine too we are just really close. I'm happy that she's brave enough to do it and go away from home but it's a hard adjustment. I know she will be back for holidays but i feel like it's the end of an era . It won't ever be the same again. Just have no motivation to do anything. Had lots of things planned but keep thinking what's the point. Was going to do some painting in the house but who will even notice . Ds certainly won't do that just leaves me and do I even care . I hope I can come out the other side I know I have to I just miss her voice and and her presence and hearing about her day and everything and Saturdays at the shops or out for a coffee.

OP posts:

Parlourgames · 26/09/2023 20:06

It’s so lovely that you have such a wonderful relationship with your daughter. That’s what really shines out!

But please try your best to be happy without her. My mum always wanted me to come home and I felt it and I still feel very responsible for her. I think she should have tried to enjoy seeing me independent.

ScissorsPaperStone · 27/09/2023 23:21

Sending you a hug too, @Ceci03 . I hope you managed to speak to or facetime your DD today. It is a massive adjustment so be very gentle on yourself. You don't need to paint the house or anything right now. You will get used to the new situation and feel better in time. It's fantastic you have such a lovely close relationship and this will always remain. Just be kind to yourself!

Notsuredontknow · 27/09/2023 23:31

You sound a lovely mum and I think what youre describing is totally normal. It’s such early days, do go easy on yourself and let yourself be sad for a bit. You’ll be so excited for her next visit or to go and see her soon x

LadyDaffodil · 28/09/2023 07:58

I miss my DD terribly as well. I've found it helps me knowing when I'm going to see her next, even if it's 6 weeks away. Can you plan to meet up half way, so it's only a couple of hours each. Lunch and shopping maybe. FaceTime is a godsend as well x

cestlavielife · 28/09/2023 08:48

Had lots of things planned but keep thinking what's the point.

So you have something to share ? Start a class, join a choir etc you can share about your new chapter and ensure she is not worrying about you ?

Ted27 · 28/09/2023 20:04

I'm missing my son too. I'm very happy for him and very proud of him - he had a long and difficult journey to get to this point.
I know he has settled down well, making friends and enjoying the social life.
He is only an hour away but I don't expect him back until the reading week at the end of October - which is as it should be.
I have a very challenging 12 year old at home and very busy with other things but I do miss his smile and the cup of tea he made me every night before he went to bed.

Flip