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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Dealing With Child Going To Uni

41 replies

Sunnydays1974 · 10/09/2023 09:59

So my DD is off to uni next weekend.

Luckily it's only around 180miles away but I'm really struggling, whilst also excited for her, that she'll now longer be around day to day.
What tips/advice do fellow parents have for dealing with what I can see an immediate hole and potential loneliness once she's gone?

OP posts:
User2637485 · 20/09/2023 17:52

You are all so touchy

Ragwort · 20/09/2023 21:07

I tend to agree with you User ... it never even occurred to me to be sad or cry when my DS went to Uni .. just an enormous sense of pride.

I would hope to be sympathetic to someone in real life if they were struggling with the 'empty nest' but honestly ... it's (hopefully) just a normal phase of life for your DC growing up. I have more sympathy for my cousin who has an adult DC who will never, ever be able to lead an independent life.

vjg13 · 21/09/2023 09:33

Ragwort · 20/09/2023 21:07

I tend to agree with you User ... it never even occurred to me to be sad or cry when my DS went to Uni .. just an enormous sense of pride.

I would hope to be sympathetic to someone in real life if they were struggling with the 'empty nest' but honestly ... it's (hopefully) just a normal phase of life for your DC growing up. I have more sympathy for my cousin who has an adult DC who will never, ever be able to lead an independent life.

I agree, I have both. One who will never be able to live independently and one who has just returned to Uni, it does give a sense of perspective.

It's an absolute privilege to be able to watch your child leave for university.

HeidiWhole · 21/09/2023 09:38

I also have a child who will almost certainly struggle to be independent and definitely won't be going to university, although more than capable of doing so academically.
I would give anything to be waving them off to an exciting new life but I do understand how hard it must be!

FrenchandSaunders · 21/09/2023 09:39

Don't join that FB group ... it's full of weeping people and will make you feel worse OP. Not sure why I'm on it actually, thinking about it, as DD has graduated. Time to leave!

One stood out yesterday, and I hope I'm not sounding horrible here, but prob am ...... a mum had spent days sobbing as her son had gone off to uni and he'd only spent two days away from her in his life, on a residential.

Unless there are SN involved, that's a rather strange situation by the age of 18 don't you think.

RampantIvy · 21/09/2023 09:41

It's an absolute privilege to be able to watch your child leave for university.

Yes, it is. I often wonder if the students who aren't coping (and there seem to be an awful lot this year who want to come home after a couple of days) are the ones whose parents seem reluctant to let them go in the first place.

I also think that schools are guilty of pushing young people into higher education when they are unsuited to it. It's as if university should be the default option.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 21/09/2023 09:48

It's hard, isn't it? I just try to reassure myself that we have brought up the dc and equipped them to go out into the world and start forging their own lives.

Dd went back to Uni this week and we were doing a shop for her new flat. I sobbed all the way around Tesco... I miss her.

Malbecfan · 21/09/2023 09:54

RampantIvy · 21/09/2023 09:41

It's an absolute privilege to be able to watch your child leave for university.

Yes, it is. I often wonder if the students who aren't coping (and there seem to be an awful lot this year who want to come home after a couple of days) are the ones whose parents seem reluctant to let them go in the first place.

I also think that schools are guilty of pushing young people into higher education when they are unsuited to it. It's as if university should be the default option.

I agree with the quote and with your first paragraph @RampantIvy .

On the issue of your second, I teach in a well-regarded secondary school. Whether we like it or not, we are judged by the destinations of our leavers: Oxbridge, Medical/Vet colleges, Dentistry, RG etc. It is hard for youngsters to go against that. One year 3 from my A level group were accepted onto a very prestigious and competitive course which only takes 24 students each year. Horror of horrors, it's non-RG. In our first September INSET, the slide with % entries to RG had been changed to Sutton Trust 30, of which this course was one. My younger DD despised the whole "push them to RG courses" so deliberately chose to go to a non-RG university. To be fair to DD, it offered something the RG didn't, but certain members of staff were not happy.

RampantIvy · 21/09/2023 09:54

I must be hard hearted then. I miss DD, but it doesn't make me cry. Nearly losing her as a baby, having her go through endless tests for bone cancer at 11 yes, but going to university - not at all.

I'm sure that mothers probably do project their sadness on to their DC even if they think they are hiding it, and these are the students who struggle.

We need to be strong for our children.

Linneasweet · 22/09/2023 11:13

This is so true! My DD started last year and after drop off we found a pop up pub with live music, 2 songs in and my pint of beer was now a watery mess mixed with my tears!

drivinmecrazy · 22/09/2023 13:04

I did my first weekly shop this morning with tears fighting to pour out, resisting putting her favourites in the trolley.
On the plus side the shopping bill was greatly reduced 😂

curaçao · 24/09/2023 20:32

I am just happy and proud

goodbyestranger · 24/09/2023 22:09

I'm with RampantIvy. Of course there might be something deficient about me but I've always loved taking each of my DC off to start a new life in an exciting place and have also slightly welcomed the reduction in cooking, washing etc as an extra bonus. I simply can't relate to a feeling of sadness just because they've moved onto a new phase of life.

RampantIvy · 24/09/2023 22:38

I think that is the first time we have agreed on something @goodbyestranger Grin
DD has stayed in her university city to live and work. She has moved near the coast now and I love an excuse to vist and get a free holiday break by the sea.

ActuallyYes · 24/09/2023 22:45

It's not a competition, you know. If you didn't find your kids leaving for university difficult, it doesn't mean those of did have raised wimps who are going to struggle.

goodbyestranger · 24/09/2023 22:47

ActuallyYes nothing in my post suggested competition. Just a different experience.

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