Dreading results day - DD won’t entertain or discuss a plan B

[Daddylonglegs123]

As the title suggests we are dreading results day. DD did dreadful in her mock exams so in all probability she may struggle to even achieve the results required even to be offered her insurance choice Uni (especially if all the press coverage is correct). She did appear to work harder on revision for her main exams but the reality is it will take a huge leap but who knows.

She outrightly refuses to discuss any plan B options with us i.e. Clearing, an apprenticeship option and just gets angry and closes the conversation down if it is mentioned at all attacking us for even discussing other options.

We would just like her to briefly entertain the idea and be able to discuss things with her sensibly and calmly (especially as we will be paying a considerable amount per year to top her up to the max Maintenance Loan amount and will be investing time and effort ferrying her and her belongings around to whichever Uni). We would just like to ensure we are as prepared as possible for Thursday so we can hit the ground running. I have no experience of Clearing but believe things happen fast. Yet I can imagine her disappearing into town with her BF regardless of her results on Thursday or opting for a Uni a goodly many hours away.

Any top tips for us to approach this with her one more time today or tomorrow or should we give up?

My DD is the same but I figure she’s under enough pressure at the moment as it is so we’ll cross the bridge together when we get to it on Thursday.

Look on the wiwikau website. There's some universities on there at the moment telling you what to do to get prepared.

@Dixiechickonhols this is my thinking exactly (and a possibility as we certainly don’t live anywhere near the middle of the country) but I will go with the majority and say nothing more.

I also know of other YP who have buried their heads in the sands and parents have ended up having to fund expensive accommodation as it is all that is left, the YP ends up living in accommodation far away from the Uni so they don’t receive the full Uni experience feel isolated and end up dropping out etc etc.

Can I look at Clearing if I don’t have DD’s password or log in details because she won’t share it?

@Flesh I have 😂 and that has worried and wound me up even more.

She is still in bed. I have some errands to run as I am off today but if she is free I will take her out for a milkshake and a cake later and not mention it.

Remember too that it isn't as much as a rush as everyone always believes it is. Indeed some unis don't go into clearing but a space at some of those comes up later as someone defers. So those who rushed to grab what was there miss out on "better" places coming up later.

She will work out what she wants to do. You sound very supportive so just eb there to help when she needs it.

TBH, I don't think I could have faced thinking about not getting into my dream university when I was 18. It would have had to be something I dealt with as and when the time came.

@Daddylonglegs123 this should keep you occupied. It's not always up to date and it's worth checking the actual uni website for any that might be of interest.

https://www.ucas.com/clearing-launch

Aw OP, I feel your pain but can also see where your daughter is coming from too.

Has she got her heart set on a specific course or uni? It's the fear of failure that's making her bury her head into the sand. If she's so focused on one specific uni or course, she won't entertain a plan B until/if plan A is outright taken away from her. It's exactly what I did, and though it's infuriating for you because you want to ensure that she has a back up plan, she just doesn't want to face up to that yet.

I would personally do what my mum did for me, quietly get some backup plans in place just in case the worst does happen so then you're adequately prepared. Luckily, I got what I needed and once the fear of failure fog had cleared, I was eternally grateful my mum had tentatively prepared a few back up options just in case. But I also absolutely bombed my mocks and kind of hit the self-implode button 🙈 Emotions and stress are high for her right now and she's not thinking rationally. Just don't let her go into panic mode on Thursday and accept something through clearing just for the sake of attending uni. She can defer a year, have a look at other options and she won't be any lesser thought of for it. Sending you both massive hugs and extra good luck wishes for Thursday! And also a thank you for being such a caring and considerate mum! 😀

She may be more prepared than you think. She may also do better than you expect. She may also be accepted even if she misses her offer.

Our childhood dentist told us that when he'd turned up to pick up his results, the headmaster greeted him at the door: "Johnson, I thought we'd be looking for another goalkeeper for next season. Looks like we keep you for another year..."
Which was how he was told that he'd spent too much time playing football and the results showed.

If she hadn't got into her universities, then she should be able to see when track (UCAS) opens, I think at 8am. She can then start phoning round for clearing if that's what she wants to do. She can hold as many verbal offers as she wants and then choose, I think you can't formally complete until the afternoon, which means that she can spend all morning phoning and then see what she likes out of all the offers she has. Don't just accept the first.

But also I would take into consideration how she's been this last year. Did she work her socks off and not achieve, in which case she may not want to continue with academic studies. Or has she coasted. In which case she might like to consider retakes.

Don't push her for what you want. It has to come from her.

Thanks @MargaretThursday to be honest I don’t think her heart is really in school or learning in education and she would probably do far better working and tackling a problem as she is quite practical and good at problem solving. She also has dyslexia and is seemed so tired after the school day she seemed to always opt to do minimum homework and minimum classwork etc. She did seem to spend more time in bedroom saying she was revising January to June but maybe she was and it was too little to late or maybe she has really knuckled down and far exceeded her performance in her mocks and maybe she wasn’t and was playing on her phone. Uni isn’t for everyone but society seems to expect that our YP go down this route.

How did it go, op?

I didn’t mention anything the last few days and looked into how Clearing worked and quietly got some options together so I was organised. Although I would have liked to have discussed things with her we didn’t.

This morning she got up early and quietly and totally unprompted she initiated a conversation as I was busy making a coffee saying I have decided their is no point worrying about it, as nothing I can do about it now. So I will just collect my results then if I don’t get in I will contact my firm and insurance and then I will go inti Clearing as I’m not doing resits. I quickly said that sounds like a good plan try not to worry I am sure you have done better than you think but if not we are very proud of you whatever the results, we still love you and will support you whatever.

Thankfully she got into her insurance choice which we thought she was better suited to anyway.

Feel like we have well and truly all been put through the ringer. I hope everyone else is ok?

Glad she got her insurance offer.
Well done to her!

Great news op.

That's great @Daddylonglegs123 . Yes, it was a very emotionally draining day for lots of us yesterday - we have a support thread here if you want to join. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/higher_education/4873934-a-levels-2023-results-day-and-beyond

@Daddylonglegs123 that is a relief! She came round in the end snd you handled it well. Hope you have a more chilled few days now!

Aw fab news!! Well done :)

Great news! So happy it's all sorted