Budgeting advice going to uni

[Passe]

DS is hopefully off to uni in September and will be living in self catered halls costing £130 pw.
He will get the basic maintenance loan which almost covers his rent but nothing leftover.

I have always tried to encourage him to save but he's never really taken it on board and despite me nagging to get as much overtime as possible this summer in readiness for September, it's pretty much been ignored. Choosing instead to go on lads holiday, be with his gf and just generally have fun. He is working just 10 hours a week.
I am so frustrated as I know from experience what's around the corner and if you don't want to end up in massive debt, you need a savings cushion and/or to be working whilst studying.

So I guess my questions are:

1. what can I do (if it's not too late) to get DS to open his eyes and reassess his attitude towards money
2. what student budgeting skills can I give him to live independently.
3. on top of his loan, what is a realistic allowance we should give him? I don't want him to go without basics but equally I don't want to enable poor financial behaviour.

We currently pay for his phone and bought him a car for his 18th, although he pays the insurance.
Several minor issues have arisen which he doesn't have the money to fix and he desperately needs new tyres. The parent in me feels I should fork out to get all this fixed as I don't want him driving an unsafe car, but financial me is taking a stand that he should be funding all this himself.
He needs his car to get to work (we live very rurally) so not as easy as saying let him catch a bus. However once he's at uni, he won't need his car term time.

My fear is that he ends up in serious debt at the end of his course and I blame myself for not equipping him with essential life skills.

My advice would be to pay his rent, then for him to use his loan/part-time work savings for his living costs - food/play etc. That way, you know his rent is covered and he knows he'll have to budget within the limits of his loan etc without keep coming to you for top-ups.

My DS has just finished first year at uni and surprisingly did well with his budget - we covered his rent, then he used loan for living (worked out at about £50 per week). We pay for phone contract/contact lenses/cheap gym membership when he's home.

DS was gifted a small, older car by generous grandparents but we use it when he's at uni so were happy to find its running costs/insurance. Decent tyres are a necessity so would look at supporting him to pay for new ones.

Will he sit down and run through a weekly budget, then you can agree between yourselves how to manage things? Better he's part of the conversation than having something imposed on him.

Parents are 'expected' to top up loans to the maximum level by the Government in England.
Both ours only get the minimum so we pay accommodation and they live off their loans, plus part time earnings.
Both have two bank accounts - one loan is paid into, then they transfer a weekly amount to the other to live off each week. This ensures that there is still something left at the end of term.

I agree about paying the rent, if you are able, and then letting your ds use the maintenance loan to live on. If I am correct that, the minimum loan (if outside London) is £4651. This would give him £89 per week for 52 weeks of the year, more if he supplements it with a job.

This is what we did with our dc and it worked pretty well, and neither of them had an overdraft at the end.

Both have two bank accounts - one loan is paid into, then they transfer a weekly amount to the other to live off each week. This ensures that there is still something left at the end of term.

Ours did this too, it worked really well.

Same here re bank accounts. And I got the figure wrong above, DS has more than £50 per week to live on.

We encouraged both DCs to put the max amount into a helper to buy LISA when they turned 18 and their child trust fund cash became accessible, - the rest is theirs to dip into on rainy days. DS has been working two jobs this summer to save up for uni and future.

We've saved up since DCs were babies to be able to support them with rent at uni, or if they choose not to go, the £ will support them in another way.

My son passed his driving test when he was 17 and a half and we offered to buy him a car so long as he reimbursed us half the cost out of his 18th birthday money which he gets in August 2023 when he turns 18. He declined. We offered to pay half and he pay half towards insuring my car for him. He refused. He would rather save the money for UNI. We live in an area with good transport links though. If he doesn’t get his grades and doesn’t start Uni we may revisit the car situation. I understand what you are saying about not wanting to fund your sons financial priorities when they don’t align with your own. It’s not as straight forward for your son as you say you live rurally so he needs a safe car. We will be paying sons rent and he will have to live off the minimum loan. No luck batting a job this summer. At least your son has worked a job. I think when he goes to Uni it will be a steep learning curve for my son.

Batting is getting

@Gherkingreen how much have you saved for them say monthly? Dh has no idea about finances and this thing came up just today.

Thank you all for your sound, non-judgmental advice. I'm really grateful.

I feel very conflicted in my attitudes towards funding my DC. My DM suddenly found herself a single parent when DB and I were teens and we literally had nothing apart from the very run-down house we lived in. DM worked 2 jobs but there was No money for any luxuries or a car. We walked everywhere or caught a bus. Cash for shopping and only bought what could be carried home.I knew not to Ask for anything that wasn't absolutely essential.
I very quickly realised I would need to work to fund any extras and took on as many jobs as I could to help fund uni. I am forever thankful that in my day there were No tuition fees and I received a full grant.

Anyway to cut my ramblings short, half of me vowed my own DC would not struggle or go without like I did, yet the other half begrudges the thought of handed them things on a plate or that they don't have to work hard in life,
I recognise the issues sit with me.

I hadn't considered the option of paying the rent and DS then budgeting the loan. That sounds a really good idea. I guess my fear is that it would hit his account and he'd piss it up the wall in 5 mins but maybe I'm doing him a disservice. If he did party it away I would just need to stay strong if he came begging more money!!

We gave ours £200 a month for food. Rent was covered by the loan. Anything extra they paid for through work. So basically if they wanted a haircut or a night out or clothes they worked for it

There is no right or wrong way
I was skint at Uni and didn’t want that for my DC so I pay rent and allowance
They don’t work term time
Also continue to pay things I was already paying like phone contracts and contact lens

I'd tell him to use his student loan to pay his rent - the lump sums received usually match the rent payment dates, so they'll match against each other nicely with no time for him to spend it on anything else!

Then give him your "allowance" on no more than a monthly basis, say by monthly standing order, so he can't spend it all at once. Even better would be to pay by standing order weekly! If he's got a part time job, he'll get paid monthly (or maybe weekly) so again, his "income" can match his expenses and he has to cut his cloth if he's got little or nothing in the bank!

If you do it the other way and pay his rent or him, he'll get 3 large lump sums from student loan which you have no control over and which he may well just spend on "non-essentials" rather than have self control to save for the full term's spending, and then come running to Mummy when he's spent it and has nothing left for food!

We give ours weekly, on a Monday. Means ds does not have loads of money to run through in the first week. Direct debit, term time only and he has worked throughout uni to top up.

Yes I think getting him to use the loan for rent might be the better option; avoids temptation to blow a large pot of money.

Do you mind me asking how much you give as a weekly/monthly allowance?

And what do you expect that amount to cover?

@Nicetiesandwhatnot we used an employer's share save scheme to build up uni funds, so it's been a slow steady build over the years.
I'm not 100% sure on monthly amounts but you could look at savings schemes, ISAs, Premium Bonds, investment schemes as options. Am sure Money Saving Expert has some stellar advice/calculators etc

@Passe I mean this very kindly but part of the point of going to university is to learn life skills and independence. Obviously you know your own son but this is a chance to advise and stand back a little.

The loan is usually paid in three tranches so there is definitely scope for blowing a reasonable sum of money. But if he does he'll have to get a job!

@Gherkingreen thank you. Much appreciated your advice

Yes you're right. The key will be not to wade in and sort his debts if he gets into trouble

All the students at undergraduate level I knew worked part-time. Usually bars and restaurants, or if in the city they were riding for Deliveroo and the like. They always had money and never went without. Also if you’re stood behind a bar of an evening you aren’t propping one up so you waste less money too while still having a bit of a social life or enjoying the band or whatever. M&B limber app lets you ‘bid’ for local shifts you want to do which is handy because you can choose to work more or less each week and not at all when big assignments are due without anyone getting arsey about you not taking shifts. Also if he’s not already , I’d suggest the monzo banking app for help with budgeting and all the other benefits it has for young people.

We (and grandparent between us) topped up to full loan from minimum loan. We paid our chunk at beginning of month. GP transferred his chunk in middle of month, so never much longer than a fortnight without money coming in. Both DC worked in long summer holidays. Younger has just graduated and is in the red by a couple of hundred - but will easily cover this at summer job before new jobs and volunteering kick in in September.

Parents are expected to cover the difference between loan and full loan, some can't, some choose not to, but the expectation is there even if it is not spelt out. If you are worried about his budgeting you could suggest loan transferred into your account and you pay rent, and transfer living money as you see fit weekly or monthly. Whatever you decide to do a few conversations about budgeting, the cost of food, travel, entertainment etc need to be had.

We gave ours £400 a month and the basic loan was used for rent (topped up by us if necessary). Would probably budget £500 a month now due to CoL.

DD managed first year just fine with us topping her up to "maximum loan" from "minimum loan." It came to £100/week over the whole year (some parents only pay in term-time). That covered everything except occasional train tickets there/back which we bought. She is saving during the summer as we don't charge her room and board when she's at home, and she also had a holiday job. So she'll be going into Year Two with a healthy bank balance.

Next year her rent will be higher but she has that 'buffer' and we'll see how it goes.

She's in East Anglia; students in London are a whole different picture!