Current Oxford/Cambridge students support/chat continued

[Panicmode1]

New thread.....!

Glad to hear that you had such a lovely day pantjog and that the sun shone :) These events are a wonderful end to their time at Oxford.

DD4 also doing an internship in London. Seems to be enjoying it. We go away for ten days just after it ends.

@beeswain wow thank you for that! We had been contemplating £1000 a month just for spending money but that seems far too much now. I wonder why the Uni website gives such high numbers.

DS1 has finished his internship and has had a verbal offer for a city finance job starting in Autumn 2024. He's really enjoyed it. I think he will still make some other applications to keep his options open but it's very gratifying that he can get an offer.

HoneyMobster vac schemes are always shorter but most of the banks seem to drag out these internships right through the summer. Your DS seems to have escaped lightly!

@Crumpetty she graduated in 2021 although is still in C, but my DD spends less than £1000 per month on everything, including all food, transport and bills as she lives with 2 other PhD students and 2 teachers. The only thing outside that is her rent, which again she self-funds. We don't give her anything now as she lives entirely on her stipend plus money she earns from supervising or lab demonstrations.

I think if the DC eat every meal in college, going for all the most expensive options, you could hit £1000 in a month. Mine is a vegan who enjoys cooking, doesn't drink a lot, travels everywhere either by bike or using her railcard and buys all her clothes 2nd hand. Her Yorkshire-born (i.e. tight) father thoroughly approves! Before all Yorkies pile in, I'm a Lancastrian by birth...

@Crumpetty we were also alarmed by the figures quoted by D1's College before she started, but she never spent anything approaching the upper limit.

She's a semi-vegetarian, likes 2nd hand clothes and also has a Yorkshire born father (@Malbecfan 😉it's Yorkshire Day tomorrow - are you celebrating?) but is also fond of the odd meal out and Deliveroos to the plodge.

Goodness me @JulesJules , I am sorry for you and your DD if her DDad is like my DH. No, we won't be celebrating Yorkshire Day as it's DH's birthday at the weekend and as a true Yorkshire man, he couldn't justify 2 celebrations in a week, especially if he had to pay! We are at the wrong end of the country to take part, but the way I feel now, I could gladly boot him up there.

@Crumpetty DD's income after accommodation is very much on the lower end of that scale. We cover phone, clothes and transport in addition to a financial contribution, but all those are fairly modest too. She does her own cooking, which is easier in her college than for some others, where facilities can be a bit more basic. She isn't a big drinker or clubber, though she does manage a social life and has money to spend on non-essentials. She has some sporadic employment both in term time (university based, so permitted) and during the holidays, neither of which takes a great deal of time or brings in much, but it gives her additional pocket money and an emergency float so that she doesn't need to dip into savings for unexpected expenses.
We wouldn't have a spare grand a month to shell out in any case!
Congratulations to your DS, @HoneyMobster

Thanks @DahliaMacNamara - I'm really pleased for him. He's done really well. It's a not dissimilar role / path to DH - not a bank @goodbyestranger !

Well done to your DS anyhow! Definitely takes the edge off knowing there's a job to go to if he wants it. The ones who go for Goldman etc seem to do horrendous hours for weeks on end. I can't quite see why it's necessary. I guess a test of stamina because ability can be assessed much more swiftly than that. Seems a massive flog these days. I wonder if the quality of graduate trainee is significantly more impressive than it was in the old days when you just showed up to a couple of interviews? From anecdotal evidence I can't see that the retention rates are vastly different either.

I think most would comfortably manage to pay their rent and everything else if they were topped up to the equivalent of the maximum loan @Crumpetty . We paid for a long lease on DD's room each year which increased accommodation costs by 50%.

DS's outgoings per term (approximate):
Accommodation: £1400
Meals in college: £300
Other food and other expenses: £600

(He doesn't drink alcohol, rarely goes out, and doesn't really buy or own much stuff).

Thank you all so much for your input on living costs, you are all so helpful!

Good luck to all those DCs doing or finishing an internship. It's a strange feeling when DCs move on towards the working world.

DS2 (O) had a lovely graduation at The Sheldonian and it felt really emotional to see him awarded his degree. The last time I'd been there was 39 years ago for my own graduation but I can barely remember that at all. His college put on a good spread - and we met his tutor, who was really lovely and complimentary.

We had a great meal out at Quod the night before - a happy, vibrant place. I was less enamoured with the atmosphere and our experience at The R (won't give the full name as it's not fair), where, 39 years previously, I'd dined with my family after my graduation. I just found it a weird place with horrible decor and one rude waiter. However, at the end of the meal, the staff presented DS2 (who remained fully gowned and in subfusc for the last time) with complimentary chocolates and "Congratulations" written in chocolate on a plate, so that slightly moderated the first impressions.

Meanwhile, it now seems even more stark that poor DS1 (C) still has no sign of ever getting his degree marked. If and when this ever happens, it'll be so long after his exams and time at Cambridge, that it'll feel a bit surreal I expect.

I think DS1 and especially DS2 are now missing life at university, especially DS2, although he has yet another assessment/ interview day pending for his career soon, which will hopefully distract him.

@mutterphore: that sounds very like our experience with DS's graduation last week. We went for a nice tea afterwards at The Parsonage, where I'd never been, and where DS was presented with a plate with congratulations in chocolate sauce too! Stayed in a very odd 'hotel' in Broad Street - The Buttery - which is just rooms over the sad tourist-trap shops. It was very conveniently placed, though.

I had last been in the Sheldonian for my graduations in 1990. For some reason I felt it was very uncool to actually go to a degree ceremony after I finished my BA in 1986 (my poor parents!) so I only did it after my D.Phil, when I also paid the requisite sum to upgrade BA to MA (not sure if that still exists), so I had to pop in and out to change clothes and come in for three separate ceremonies. All quite surreal. Very nice to see it again as a parent - not something I'd ever have imagined at the time, I don't think.

I'm so sorry for your Cambridge DS - the difference must make it even harder for him.

(For the benefit of newer Oxford parents on the thread - my big discovery for visiting is the rooms at Rewley House (the University's Continuing Education department), which are let out on the open market. In a square that backs onto Little Clarendon Street, and much like old college rooms. Very clean and convenient and a lot less expensive than most of the hotels in town.)

Hi all, can I please ask a question? DS has an offer for a modern college at C. If he gets the grades we don't have very long to get him sorted! He has a suit, but will he need a black tie suit as well? Maybe even white tie? I'm not sure what that even means, is it just a black dinner jacket and trousers with a white bow tie? His college has formal dinner once or twice a week. Thanks!

@madcattersteaparty I would say a suit is useful but not essential. He will need a gown but can either get one after he arrives or borrow one. Beyond that... ds did end up buying a dinner jacket (black tie) for his end of first year college event, but would have been ok without. White tie is only worn at one or two very specific events and could always be hired.

Congrats to your son @madcattersteaparty . I think dress codes are generally pretty relaxed. My son does have a dinner jacket ie “black tie” suit /tuxedo. He goes to an old college though. My daughter, at a newer college, finds the dress code at formal dinners fairly flexible. Her BF (at a Cambridge college) says black tie is helpful but not essential. They both agree that formal dinners require suit and tie not black tie.

White tie (ie tails) would only be needed at a super formal ball and that’s optional and in the summer, and usually hired.

Oh thank you very much, that's all good to know. We will make sure he gets a gown because he will need them for dinners but it's good to know we don't need to rush into getting a tux. Still got to get the grades, though. It's funny cos I don't want to plan too much yet but then if he gets in we don't have long to get sorted.

Thanks

@madcattersteaparty good luck. @pantjog and @PermanentTemporary have answered what I was going to type, but as far as the gown is concerned, you can order it once his place is confirmed and it can either be sent to your home address or he can collect it in person. I think DD's undergraduate one came from Ryder and Amies who were nice to deal with. My Dad paid for it, so she had it sent here. Alternatively, wait until he goes up and pop in as there will almost certainly be others from their college doing similarly. DD needed a gown for matriculation, formal dinners and for singing in services with the different college's choir she sang in.

Once offers are confirmed, students are often contacted by their college parents, 2nd years in their college where ideally one is studying their subject. They are the best people to ask about all sorts of trivial things. DD enjoyed being a college parent, then grandparent. Covid put paid to great-grandparenting - now I don't think she knows that many of her college's NatSci students other than those in her niche department.

I have bought DD’s gown in hopeful anticipation of results day. Yes they may get discounts through college but it was just something I felt I wanted to do to show faith we had in DD. If for any reason she doesn’t make the offer she will never know we bought it (appreciate that doesn’t show faith but in an arts subject the marking is a bit more subjective so ‘think’ DD will do fine, but there are never any guarantees! ). You know what I mean!

@madcattersteaparty

Black lounge suit: DS has worn this a handful of times: matriculation, admission of scholars, formal hall (a more recently established college might have a less strict dress code for these).

Dinner suit / black tie: DS has worn this once (May Ball at his college).

White tie: DS has never needed this. As far as I know, the only events which specify this are one or two of the most expensive May Balls (Trinity? St John's?)

Thanks for all the comments. Buying the gown is a lovely thing to do, how wonderful to present it on results day!

Exciting news. DD has received an email which unexpectedly allows her to move up to category 2 and graduate with a provisional classification which can't be reduced. We were having dinner with my brother at the time & I think they must have heard us across the Tamar. Cocktails were consumed.

If anyone is still waiting from Ox, check their emails as it's a uni-wide decision.

Such a shame though for all those who graduated last week.