Durham University

[EwwSprouts]

To quote @kingscotestaff The continuation thread for those with DC at Durham, or applying to Durham, or alumni, or staff!

June 2023 End of term for all. Hopefully young people are brim full of plans for summer fun and jobs to pay for it!

Link to old thread
]Previous thread (fingers crossed!)

@MFLDurhamMum DS was a Stevo first year as Fruity mentioned. He has had a ball and threw himself into college sport. Ended up in the lacrosse team (as can play hockey) which is mixed if your DD is sporty? He's sharing a house this year with a boy and a girl from his block. I'll tell you the girl is in the college choir as you mentioned enjoying the music above and she had originally hoped for a Bailey college. There are no gowns but the xmas ball was black tie and somewhere very smart (off campus). Your DD will soon be making good friends and having a great time.

Very envious of you all talking about Durham. I really wanted my DS to go there but instead he chose Exeter(which is where he is going) because of the uncertainty of the college allocation at Durham. He was then actually allocated his top choice college and was a bit sad that he didn’t firm Durham. Now hearing stores of so many being reallocated, I wonder if Durham are offering first choices to applicants hoping to tempt them to firm them, then reallocating after?

@EwwSprouts Thanks so much for taking the time to post positive things about Stevo! Alas DD isn't really sporty although she does like swimming. She will definitely look at joining the choir though!

@Dancingdreamer Exeter was DDs insurance choice and she would have been happy to go there too. You make a good point about Durhams allocation process as it definitely influenced DDs choice.

I think the allocation process is mystery - a friend of dd’s was provisionally allocated their 6th choice (and then firmed it).

@Dancingdreamer Durham was DS's first choice but wasn't to be, so is also now off to Exeter.

Looking forward to it, but nerves starting to kick in a little bit.

@lastdayatschool good luck to you DS at Exeter. My son’s really looking forward to starting there. I have to say, I have been really impressed by what I have seen of the Exeter onboarding process. Also people actually answer the phone if you call with a query - which I wasn’t expecting at all. I thought it was all about chatbots these days!

College allocation does seem to be a mystery. DS, who'd firmed Durham very early on, was provisionally allocated his 5th choice, and is going there (and is pretty happy about it) - but 2 friends from school were both allcoated their first choice (both Bailey), and those haven't changed either. All met or exceeded their offers for different subjects - but their subjects are much more popular / over-subscribed.

The process is laid out somewhere - we looked at it before applying.

You are picked out of a hat so first out gets best choice, subject matters a lot, plus if you pick the six favourite colleges as your top six you need to realise that you are taking a big gamble.

Managing expectations is so important with your children. So many children are allowed to think something is a certainty be that a predicted grade or an accommodation choice which is merely a possibility.

Think carefully about other expectations around uni that may not be certainties and manage them carefully going forward.

My DD carefully chose her list. Went for a popular one as top choice and then carefully chose less popular ones for next 3 choices as was aware that her first choice oversubscribed. She got provisionally allocated to it. She would have been happy with others at that stage but because she had the provisional she got excited about it. She ended up only hearing day before yesterday she has had 14th. She has rallied and now totally on board with it and making most of it. But all of the time investment, worrying and waiting could very much have been avoided if it was just a random allocation from the beginning - in her case that is what it ended up being. So I think it’s nothing to do with putting pressure on these kids to build resilience and manage expectation- it’s much more about having a system which works better and they’re feels fairer. To be one of the ones waiting more than 2 weeks since results- she met her offer and firmed- knowing others had their rooms confirmed did not feel right of fair and was nothing to do with how resilient she was…

I'd still love to hear from anyone with an older dc who had a shared college room in first year about how this went/any tips for making it work.

Also what happens if the roommates really don't get on?

@Trumporange sorry I don't know anyone who shared but from previous Durham threads people seemed fine about it. I believe someone was allocated a shared room and they put in a request to swap immediately to a single occupancy room and it was granted.

For everyone saying about college choice, lots of other universities also have a lottery system ie Warwick where you list your top 6 picks which you may or may not get. As a lot of people on here will attest to once there, even if not their first choice, they learn to love it and it is for 30 weeks. Not a lifetime at a coal face. I do wish Durham would not allocate colleges until after results day. There are weird preconceived ideas about certain colleges which is ridiculous as the student population changes every year for first years and sometimes based on the college allocation students reject Durham. This comes from Student Room threads. In my opinion to reject an entire university based on first year accommodation is a little baffling.

@KittyMcKitty specifically for you, Ds is about to start his 3rd year, he has a Yorkshire accent and went worrying about how he would be treated as Northern accent = working class and low intelligence to some. Both Dh and I went to university and never found that our accents (different from the children as we are not from Yorkshire) held us back. Ds has never told anyone his grades, but he got 4 A stars. He has made friends with people from all over the UK, international students from India, to Hong Kong. Everyone has been lovely.

And congratulations on your DD getting her college choice.

The student population of just the colleges alone is a tiny bit under 7,000. Total student population is around 22,000. Open days/offer days are held when the whole student population is not there. There is a real hustle and bustle when all the students are back especially on South Road where all the hill colleges are and especially at the top end near the Bill Bryson library, or Billy B, the TLC building and the two sites housing the department buildings. Students don't feel alone, there are swathes of them walking town, lectures or to play sports or watch it at any of the tennis courts or the massive Graham Sports Centre. Even walking down South Road, Ds has had people help him carry his shopping, he has done the same too, just some random student. Bit of a chat etc.

As for pastoral, Ds reached out within the first 2 weeks of being there, just missing home, worried about everything. Was beautifully reassured by support services. He didn't like Freshers, not a party person and likes routine so happy for term to start.

For second year accommodation he went into private halls, he signed up before the end of October because he was in en-suite for first year and wanted the same. He didn't click with any of his flatmates, his halls don't vet, they just put them all together and hope for the best. This led to half the flat clean and tidy and the other half disgusting, dirty pigs who left plates to mould by the sink. It was a learning curve.

@Trumporange my DD shared in first year although it was very short lived. Her room mate applied for a transfer to a single room and they do come up due to students leaving. If I'm honest my DD struggled the first few months generally and was quite tearful at times but having a room mate meant she wasn't isolated on her own. They didn't not get on but they were different and her room mate got a boyfriend. However, I think generally the shared room experience is much more successful and they can leave friends for life.

And I'd second @JudeOfMcDougle that Durham is such a busy place. My DD would phone me as she was walking to lectures or a shop and would be saying hello to people or would hang up to talk to someone while she was on the phone to me. Rightly or wrongly she would walk to places on her own . She had some lectures that started at 5 so at 6pm would be walking back in the dark in winter from the science site to her Bailey college or up to her student house.
The pastoral care she received was outstanding even down to the catering manager making sure she ate.

I think they'd be better in a lot of ways allocating the colleges after results, however equally well I think students would feel less comfortable with firming Durham. So they'd get the email with the college allocation at the same time as the acceptance on results' day, so they could make an informed decision to accept it, or refuse it and go for their insurance.

For dd she wouldn't have firmed Durham is she hadn't been allocated the college she wanted. She went to the offer holder day for her college (not sure if they still do those) and was on a WhatsApp group for her college, which really helped her when she was worrying.
But if she'd done all that and then been reallocated then it would have been far harder for her, especially as she wasn't told there was a chance of being reallocated until after she'd formally accepted the offer on UCAS on results' day so her only option as an alternative was to go into clearing.
But when she applied, there was only one choice, so if you weren't allocated there, then it was free choice by the university.

I did wonder why they didn't do it as choose:

1. Top college
2. Possibly 2 more colleges
3. Put down preference for catered/self-catered

The problem with being able to rank them all is that if you've spent the time looking at them all and putting them in a list you're going to be disappointed if you end up with number 10+ on your list. Whereas if you haven't really thought about after your top 3, then it's not as much a downer (I think, others may disagree there) if you get one that's lower down.

DS1 is going into 3rd year now. Chose to share in 1st year and really enjoyed it. He says key tip is to communicate likes and dislikes early. He got on well with his roommate even though they were quite different.

Concealer and others who answered my question about room sharing, thank you.
It does sound like it usually works out.

@Trumporange - I know many situations where it works out really well, and relatively few where the arrangement broke down.

This is super-outing, but oh well ...

I am still very close friends with the person I shared my room with when I was an undergrad in Durham at the start of the 2000s. As an only child coming from a non-traditional background they matched me perfectly with someone very similar and that friendship is a massive part of my love for the place. We lived in a shared house together in 2nd year and in college rooms next door to one-another in 3rd. I loved it so much that I came back to be a staff member and I do very much try and help students have an equally good time as I had (as well as learning as much as I did!).

@SchnitzelVonCrummsTum What a lovely philosophy you bring to your role. I hope DS crosses your path or that of others similarly motivated.

Loving the name. An absolute favourite.

Ahhhh @SchnitzelVonCrummsTum what a lovely post.

I must say also that whilst I have moaned (some may say incessantly) about Durhams tardiness in confirming students into their colleges (and they really do need to review their systems) once this hurdle has been cleared the Uni has been amazing.

We were on holiday and her college needed something returned within 24 hours and she was missing some log in or something so used the Live Chat function with IT who sorted everything out so quickly for her. Her college have sent so much information through including a very detailed room maté questionnaire form. Freshers week sounds amazing if somewhat packed and she’s very excited to have a formal on the first night! The sociology Dept have sent tons of info re modules etc and there seems to be a whole day of sociology stuff on the Tuesday (starting at 9am which will certainly be a shock to dd's system).

After a challenging couple of weeks she’s now super happy and has planned what to wear to her college matriculation on the Sunday (soooooo much dressing up)!

I know everyone told me this but once Durham finally manages to get a student into the system they really do look after them!

I am so sorry some dc have been disappointed to be reallocated and hope they’re starting to feel better about it all - dd is very aware how lucky she was not to be.

Fingers crossed they all get lovely sunny weather on moving in day (DD’s College all seem to move in on the Sunday) - we’ve not been in Durham when all the students are there so it will be exciting to see the city buzzing with life.

Fantastic post Schnitzel and it sounds like the students who cross your path are very fortunate!

I am still very close friends with the person I shared my room with when I was an undergrad in Durham at the start of the 2000s.

Not a shared room but my immediate neighbours to the left and right of my first year room got married. They're still my best friends 25 years later and pretty much everyone else from our Durham group married each other.

It's lovely when we all get together with the kids (although I hope my son breaks the cycle before it starts to feel a bit strange).

@JudeOfMcDougle made a really good point re grades and not mentioning it.

Please note for a lot of courses at Durham the vast majority of students will have exceeded their grades by a considerable amount. It’s really nothing special everyone is bright.

If you look on Discover uni you will see that just meeting the standard offer on many courses will put you in the bottom 10-20% of your fellow students. Exceeding by 3 grades makes you just average amongst your course peers.

@KittyMcKitty you mentioned grades several times but counsel your child not to do so. If she’s not been in a selective education setting before manage expectations around being top of the class.

One of my DDs friends who joined in sixth form from a local state non selective where she had been top performing student. She crowed in first day or two about having 5 x 9s at GCSE. She was unaware that that was just average in their state super selective. Some girls laughed - DD was kind and explained later that at their school a 7 was classed as a fail.

She struggled in the first term being average and not exceptional- DD remembered the same feeling from being there at year 7 and she drew her into the friendship group she had developed. She helped her get used to being average and seeing this as a fun challenge to improve and enjoy bouncing ideas off bright minds.

DDs friend is at St Andrews and studying History. She said the best thing about sixth form was the best friends she made and getting used to studying alongside bright people who all wanted to learn and pushed her to be her best. Despite getting 4 A* at A level she’s never mentioned it to her new uni course friends 🤣😂🤣😂

@Fruitygal shes been in a grammar school since year 7 so has never been top of the class and would never dream of mentioning her grades to anyone - I’ve mentioned them here as I’m proud of her 😊 - I’ve told no one her grades in real life (other then my father).

So pleased your DD is now getting the info she needs @KittyMcKitty and is looking forward to her moving in day. It’s certainly busy and buzzy on that weekend and absolutely packed in town. DS is going back that weekend too, but hopefully it will be quieter away from the Colleges! I will smile a little smile *at all the Freshers and parents as we drive past - it’s a brilliant day, even if you need to take tissues with you

*to myself, not in weird way out the car window

Ouch. How patronising. BTW do counsel your privately educated DC not to start each conversation by asking which school people went to. They only get upset when nobody has heard of their school and the rest went to schools they have never heard of either.