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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Parental Competition

30 replies

pippanipp · 06/06/2023 09:34

How do you deal with other parent's competition for their children to be the brightest and best? Why is it that many mums (and dads!) get competitive when it comes to how well their children are doing academically.

We have two kids, one is a doctor and the other is a Cambridge educated lawyer. We supported our kids but they were far more ambitious than we ever were. They went to the local state comp.

My sister's kids went to an academic private school. One isn't going to go to university, and the other got in to Edinburgh. There have been a few comments about our kids only getting to where they are because universities like state school kids. Or that we were far too pushy on our kids.

A friend of mine from my university has one son. He was friendly with my kids growing up, and has now gone on to do a PhD at a local (low ranked) university on student loans. Our daughter did a post graduate law degree on an academic scholarship. Friend has made a few pointed comments that a PhD is the highest academic award, and that her son really is the most educated out of the kids.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 06/06/2023 09:42

You sound just as bad. They can't be proud of their kids because they haven't achieved as much or as prestigiously as yours. I'm aiming towards wind up troll- but good try.

Travelban · 06/06/2023 09:46

SD1978 · 06/06/2023 09:42

You sound just as bad. They can't be proud of their kids because they haven't achieved as much or as prestigiously as yours. I'm aiming towards wind up troll- but good try.

I thought exactly the same...

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 06/06/2023 09:48

Yep, I read your post and thought you sounded just as bad, OP.

MarchingFrogs · 06/06/2023 09:48

Travelban · 06/06/2023 09:46

I thought exactly the same...

And another of those Where's the Like button? moments Grin

Darthwazette · 06/06/2023 09:49

OP you sound more competitive than the friends and family you mention.

alargeoneforme · 06/06/2023 10:01

If you yourself don't feel competitive, why do you care? If it makes them feel better, let them crack on. I wonder how many of them have started a thread on Mumsnet to tell thousands of people about their own children's academic achievements?

Spirallingdownwards · 06/06/2023 10:04

Haven't they all done well and can't we just be pleased for all of them?

You could even be happy for the one who knows their mind and path well enough to choose not to go to uni.

Thepleasureofyourcompany · 06/06/2023 10:16

Why on earth do you care?? Your kids sound like they've done well. What is behind this need for everyone else to defer to your kids brilliance? Are they happy?

claudinawina · 06/06/2023 10:18

Oh yes. We know the feeling well. It's always the parents whose kids don't end up being as brilliant as they thought they would. Probably explains some of the previous posters too.

Thepleasureofyourcompany · 06/06/2023 10:24

Spirallingdownwards · 06/06/2023 10:04

Haven't they all done well and can't we just be pleased for all of them?

You could even be happy for the one who knows their mind and path well enough to choose not to go to uni.

Totally agree! My friends dd didn't go to uni and now has a really successful little travelling catering business, living a great life and making plenty of money. I'm quite envious!

Thepleasureofyourcompany · 06/06/2023 10:54

claudinawina · 06/06/2023 10:18

Oh yes. We know the feeling well. It's always the parents whose kids don't end up being as brilliant as they thought they would. Probably explains some of the previous posters too.

That's a really negative attitude to have which will eat you up from the inside. Hth.

CurlewKate · 06/06/2023 10:56

@pippanipp I don't think you mentioned what your own children do or where they went to university?

Thepleasureofyourcompany · 06/06/2023 10:59

@pippanipp , state schools do sometimes get contextual offers - of course your dcs wouldn't have done so well if they weren't clever and motivated but they aren't wrong to know that's a 'thing'. Also, Edinburgh is a great uni.

lastdayatschool · 06/06/2023 11:08

Suggest you join the Oxbridge: Social Engineering .... thread @pippanipp - you'll fit right in there

RudsyFarmer · 06/06/2023 11:12

You are part of the problem OP. You are all actively competing against each other, you just don’t think you are.

CurlewKate · 06/06/2023 11:19

"My friends dd didn't go to uni and now has a really successful little travelling catering business, living a great life and making plenty of money. I'm quite envious!"

Ah, bless! A little business-so sweet!

goldentoes · 06/06/2023 11:26

You sound just as bad. Eewww Phd at 'low ranked university'

mondaytosunday · 06/06/2023 11:35

@CurlewKate the OP clearly did - doctor and lawyer, one went to Cambridge.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 06/06/2023 11:36

mondaytosunday · 06/06/2023 11:35

@CurlewKate the OP clearly did - doctor and lawyer, one went to Cambridge.

I think @CurlewKate was being sarcastic about the fact that the OP was very clearly eager to ensure that we knew how well her kids had done!

Drosselmeyer · 06/06/2023 11:38

This sounds less like "why are other parents competitive?" and more like "why are other parents trying to compete when I've already won?"

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 06/06/2023 11:39

Drosselmeyer · 06/06/2023 11:38

This sounds less like "why are other parents competitive?" and more like "why are other parents trying to compete when I've already won?"

Ha!😂Exactly that!

Very well summed up!

SmartHome · 06/06/2023 12:06

Lol at all the stealth posts

SmartHome · 06/06/2023 12:08

Aslo, there is no ranking system for PhDs

Thepleasureofyourcompany · 06/06/2023 12:09

SmartHome · 06/06/2023 12:06

Lol at all the stealth posts

Where?

Bobbielikespeas · 06/06/2023 12:22

Comparing children's achievements is so cringe. They're the children's achievements (good or bad) not the parent.