Exams over end of 3 years

[LightandAiry]

My DS is home having finished his exams at home online. He is depressed, unable to get a GPs appointment, and uni has been a massively disappointing experience. I am worried. Even though he's enjoyed a society that was open beginning of year 2, he's cut off from the few friends he's made, I don't know what's gone on. He got through uni at a horribly difficult time, field trips cancelled, limited opportunities to meet people on his course.

I wouldn't have blamed him if he'd dropped out but he carried on despite spending much time at home. I've heard uni described as being an expensive online streaming service. My DD at least should have a better experience.

Does anybody else have the same, a DC who stuck it out? He's the sort of shy character who would have been ok if everything had been normal at the start, getting in with people and having a Freshers' week. Onwards.... hopefully when he's seen the doctor and is feeling better.

Thanks for reading.

I’m really sorry to hear this @LightandAiry . So has he finished his 3rd year now? He is the same cohort as my DS if so - their first year was really rubbish. He literally met only the people in his flat of 7 and the flat next door. Didn’t meet a single person from his course until 2nd year. He was really helped by knowing someone from the year above (who had a pre-covid group of friends) and he just tagged along with his friends in the 1st semester of his second year until he met enough people in his own year to have a good second semester. But it was hard work and quite lonely and he got a bit blue at times. Without the older friend it would have been much worse.
he has now spent the last year on a year abroad which was great, but he is a bit worried about going back for his 4th year and trying to get back into friendship groups with people he hardly knew and hasn’t seen since last June.

so yes, it’s pretty crappy. They have really been dealt a bad hand. I hope your DS has some nice summer plans, maybe some travel with friends from school or something, to raise his mood so he can look forward positively.

@Delphigirl thanks for the reply. The first year was very rubbish, he met only the people in his flat, came home at Christmas, lockdown, went back and got depressed as flat mates had got cliquey and left him out. Then his Grandad (my Dad) passed away in July 2021.

2nd year was the pits, it didn't work out in his house, same people he shared with 1st year. He did join a sports society and they had trips and made some friends mostly alumni still in the society - a positive. He spent much time at home online. Extentions for study due to low mood feeling isolated.

3rd year seemed to go ok for a while but turns out the friends stopped meeting up & he says he doesn't know anyone well enough to be invited back to their house, so uni is over without having made friends but it hasn't been all bad. Finished study for 3rd year.

Friends at home here have girlfriends & they don't meet up much. He's not sure if a lads' trip away will happen. But he does have a really good friend abroad who he chats & games with; he is going out to see friend in August. He is also wanting to have an extended working holiday in NZ but not until later on in the year.

There are no guarantees in life. It's rubbish but I told him he has us. Time to move forwards. I hope it goes well for your ds for his 4th year, with things being more or less normal now could he have more chance to meet others on his course?

@LightandAiry no easy answers but wanted to say its good you are talking about it and it sounds your DS is talking too. Glad to hear he is getting some professional help. The last three years has been so tough for those who started in 2020. My DC1 was fortunate he had a year out so started a year later in 2021.

Does he any idea whether he'd like to work or do further study next? Perhaps moving to another city might help. I went somewhere else for my MSc and had a fab experience - a small course of 35 who bonded really well. I'm still in touch with some of them. It will feel rubbish just now so I can imagine it is hard to look ahead but a fresh start somewhere might help - especially somewhere with the activity he enjoys.