Anxious at the thought of uni

[sunshine2231]

I live at uni with some friends I lived with last year - I've recently told them I am living with others next year and they don't really talk to me/like me anymore - I'm not entirely sure why they're being like this but the environment in the house has changed and it makes me really anxious impacting my studies. I don't really like their personality since they can be mean to others so I'm glad I'm not friends with them now but I'm not sure how to stop feeling upset and anxious for the rest of the academic year.

From their POV, I imagine it may feel like you are the one who has snubbed them, if they were expecting you all to live together again. From your POV it’s justified as they’re not overly pleasant people.

I think you need to accept that that, rightly or wrongly, this has changed your relationship with them. Focus on your work and friends outside the house. Be pleasant to them, but don’t chase their time or approval. Make some nice plans with other friends - see if you can pop to theirs for a film, or head out for a walk, or study at the library together.

They're probably feeling upset and anxious too - you've said you'd rather live with other people who h has probably hurt their feelings, and now they need to find someone to replace you.

You're just going to have to be polite and pleasant and focus on your own life. What are you anxious about exactly- it's not clear from your title and post.

Thank you for your response, I can understand that they must be feeling upset too, it has been a few weeks since I've told them.
In terms of why I feel anxiety - I'm not too sure really, I do really want to get good grades so that adds a bit of pressure, but I get a nervous feeling thinking or being around them which I don't truly understand why nor do I want to feel this way

Thank you for this! Have definitely found myself feeling happier with others, which does seem to fade when I reenter my house unfortunately. I do hope this anxious feeling goes away soon

Hi @sunshine2231 I clicked on this thread because my daughter is off next September and I'm anxious at the thought of Uni.

I was at Uni 25 years ago, i always say I had a fantastic time and I did. My degree skills have been invaluable in all sorts of weird and unexpected jobs and I got a very poor classification! . I met people from everywhere, everytype, every personality. Really important later in life.

I'm still in touch with a sizeable group, we check in with each other every now and again. They are still recognizable to me in middle age as the teens I first met.

But there were periods of intense loneliness, surrounded by thousands but feeling solitary.
People getting partners complicated things, then breaking up complicated stuff even further.

Every group at uni got claustrophobic. The best thing I did was get to know people in different circles. They don't have to overlap and that liberates you. So there's:
Your course mates - friends for a reason
Your house mates - friends for a season
Randoms - from the library, friend of a friend, from a society, from a yoga class - these friends often become the life time ones.

So different circles, which are all friends but for a reason, a season or a lifetime. All valuable.

It's still early in the term, find a society, anything and be brave (I met my husband in the 2nd year like this, first time trying a new sport, but he went out with someone else for 18 months before me!)

I know it's hard in the rain and the dark but go for coffees, the library, find a yoga class don't sit in your room. And look fabulous, your style , head up, shoulders back. Be your best student you cool & mysterious and confident around campus, fake it till you convince yourself.

And let us know how you are doing, best wishes!

What a really thoughtful post with great advice 👏