Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Flip

Original poster

Graduation Gifts?

17 replies

BinBandit · 15/10/2022 14:54

If anyone has DC that have already graduated, did you get them a graduation gift and if so what?

Looking for ideas for DS1 who is about to graduate. No specific budget in mind but maybe £200 to under £1k I think. Not really sure what people might normally spend. We are neither rich nor particularly struggling - income less than UK average but we have modest lifestyle.

DS never asks for anything and is very quiet and not really into any hobby other than his computer. He's not working yet but doesn't need cash.

I was thinking maybe a gold coin?

OP posts:

mondaytosunday · 15/10/2022 20:34

A watch? Not sure what anyone would do with a gold coin other than put it in a drawer.

clary · 15/10/2022 20:43

Just asked dd who graduated this summer and she wasn't sure what you would do with a gold coin...

Agree a watch, maybe a Garmin or similar, might be good. Or is there anything useful for future career?

Fwiw I didn't buy dd anything, we marked it with a meal out.

Original poster

BinBandit · 15/10/2022 21:56

Thanks We bought him a nice watch for his 18th (which he doesn't wear) and he has all the tech he wants - he's had fitbits and smart watches and he wears for a wee while but isn't really into it for long.

I think I was more thinking about a memento and I think he would appreciate the investment element of gold. I thought about a gold bar but it would be tiny! We gave him £1k (and some stuff to open) for his 21st but he just put it in his bank so I would like something more memorable. But yes, it would just be something to keep in a drawer but hopefully something that would be a good reminder plus appreciate in value.

He is hard to buy for and we will have a nice meal out on graduation day as well. No job on the horizon at the moment.

OP posts:

Original poster

BinBandit · 15/10/2022 21:58

I think girls might be easier as a nice classic piece of jewellery would totally fit the bill. DS2 would even appreciate a nice ring or bangle when it's his turn to graduate next year but DS1 definitely wouldn't.

OP posts:

BuryingAcorns · 15/10/2022 22:09

What sort of job market is he aiming for? If it's something professional you could buy him a made-to-measure suit (cheaper than bespoke - you get an off the peg suit and then they adjust it for you). DS got one for his 18th and it was about £850 from Savile Row. He loved going for his appointments with the charming tailor too.

or a really good back pack or briefcase, depending on what his next plans are.

Or an interrail ticket, to encourage him to take a proper break after finals and see the world a bit before starting work.

I'd go for something useful not a memento which has no purpose.

Original poster

BinBandit · 15/10/2022 22:26

Those are all good ideas and I would definitely be happy with something useful (and maybe a (smaller) memento too!). As for jobs etc it's a bit of a problem at the moment.

He has a first class honours in Computer science. However, he has always struggled with confidence and anxiety and has not been able to engage in any help we've sought for this. As it stands, although he is applying and would make an excellent employee in terms of his abilities, reliability, honesty etc. he is probably unemployable as he just won't get through an interview much less a whole assessment centre type deal. He wouldn't cope with independent travel.

It's a struggle to even get him to go for a haircut - it's about 10 months since he last went so the thought of being fitted for a suit would make him really uncomfortable.

We are currently looking at getting him privately assessed for asd. We previously pursued this (when he was a child) and latterly, his mental health with the GP as well as trying private counselling but he just struggles to speak to anyone so that wasn't working for him.

Sorry, it's taken a bit of a turn from the original question but I guess it's clarifying for me why I find it so difficult to get him anything.

OP posts:

clary · 16/10/2022 11:22

Ah op so sorry to read this. We have a not dissimilar situation here. Do you flag up his disability in applications? MH issues and ASC are disabilities and he coukd ask for reasonable adjustments. These might include meeting the interview panel briefly in advance, or having sight of the questions so they are not a panic-inducing surprise. Was discussing this with a friend whose son has ASC only yesterday.

I would imagine there will be remote roles he could do- a friend is in tech support and works entirely from home.

On the gift idea, how about £1k in stocks and shares so he can play the markets a bit? More fun than a sovereign in a drawer, esp if he is good at maths.

FinallyHere · 16/10/2022 11:27

Premium Bonds can be quite fun, though possibly less useful than recently as inflation creeps upwards.

Hawkins001 · 16/10/2022 11:32

Magic the gathering decks ? E.g. The new warhammer ones ?
@BinBandit

gogohmm · 16/10/2022 11:48

No, bought her dinner

gogohmm · 16/10/2022 11:50

A new suit is a good gift if needed though, with good shoes. But only if going into a corporate job

Original poster

BinBandit · 16/10/2022 12:24

clary · 16/10/2022 11:22

I would imagine there will be remote roles he could do- a friend is in tech support and works entirely from home.

On the gift idea, how about £1k in stocks and shares so he can play the markets a bit? More fun than a sovereign in a drawer, esp if he is good at maths.

It's so hard isn't it? He doesn't have a diagnosis of anything which is why I think it would be useful to have a proper assessment so he could note it on applications. He has been resistant in the past but seems more open to it. Whilst having some investigations for a hearing issue, they've found that he has a brain issue which they've happily eliminated lots of nasty things and google tells me could be linked to asd, this is why he seems more open i think. It will be a few months before we hear anything further from the hospital.

He will need to wear a suit for his graduation so he is going to try on the ones he has (last worn when he was 18!) and if needed, we'll buy him a new one (and shirt and tie) but office jobs - certainly in my field (Financial Services not in London) are very much casual nowadays. A nice suit always comes in handy though.

I have suggested he do a small portfolio of shares before, i do think he's enjoy it and he is maths type clever. I'll maybe see if I can talk to him about it again.

Thank you all so much for your great suggestions and kind words.

OP posts:

Sweetener12 · 17/10/2022 07:43

Yeah, a gold coin sounds questionable, unless he specifically said he would like getting it or he collects coins. You've said he's into computer science, so maybe something on the tech side would make a good gift? Something like an image editor for PC or a professional video software, or maybe a subscription to online courses?
Also not really a gift, but you can make a graduation video for him with all the pictures taken throughout his studying time and his achievements mentioned. This is very uplifing as graduation itself is a huge milestone.

Original poster

BinBandit · 17/10/2022 10:29

Okay, no-one likes the gold idea

He really has all the tech he wants or needs, he is just a nightmare to buy for at any time as he isn't very communicative/never expresses an opinion.

The video thing suggestion made me sad. It really illustrates the different experiences that other students have. He lived at home and commuted. Half way through 2nd year Covid happened so he spend the rest of 2nd year, 3rd year and 4th year (apart from 1 visit to Uni) in his bedroom. All team projects done over video calls with most turning off their camera (or not having a camera). I don't think he spoke to another person face to face for his whole Uni time. No friends, no nights out, no good times or photos to make a video with. He has a first class degree but by his own admission, he didn't really work hard, he just found it easy.

He has a small group of friends from school that keep in touch with him and he had a few nights out with them during Uni holidays after covid, but they moved away for Uni and have now finished and have jobs in far away cities. He's in danger of being left behind as they move on with their lives. He's had mental health issues, possibly asd and unwilling or unable to engage in things to help himself.

This should be an exciting time in his life but instead it's just stressful.

Anyway, it's my day off so we are off into town to get him kitted out for graduation, it should feel like a nice day for us but it'll be no pleasure for him and I'll end up having to decide what he gets as he won't pick.

OP posts:

YerAWizardHarry · 17/10/2022 10:32

My in laws bought me a watch when I graduated. Didn’t even get a card from my mum and was absolutely heartbroken..

Sweetener12 · 17/10/2022 13:28

@BinBandit ugh, I'm so sorry if my suggestion came off as insensitive, I've never meant it 😓

Original poster

BinBandit · 17/10/2022 13:55

Sweetener12 · 17/10/2022 13:28

@BinBandit ugh, I'm so sorry if my suggestion came off as insensitive, I've never meant it 😓

I didn't take it that way at all, don't worry @Sweetener12 . It's a good idea for some, especially as it has no cost involved and would be great to show how proud you were without breaking the bank.

It just really brought home how narrow his life is.

Anyway we went into town, he tried on the first suit the salesman suggested, he measured him up for a shirt also (he is 6'4" so straight of the peg isn't always easy and there is always a reduced choice) so that's him sorted. We looked at a few ties, he was completely non committal so I suggested we look at we we have in the house and wait until he has the suit (trousers are being altered) and can then see if there is anything that he is happy with and if not we can buy that next week. He already has black or tan shoes to try with it - I think the black ones are more comfy so that will be his preference.

OP posts:

Flip