Settling in at uni - or not?!

15 replies

Mumtooneboy · 09/10/2022 05:58

DS been at uni 2 weeks. He seems happy, making friends etc but has been home each weekend as 'there is nothing to do at weekends'. At home, there is always lots to do, tinkering with vehicles etc. He's now talking about next weekend!
It's nice to see him but it's a heck of a drive (he drives, I don't fetch him!) to do this often and I'd like to see him enjoying uni life fully.
I think he'll find things he wants to stay there for eventually ... I'm just looking for reassurance I guess.
Any thoughts? What do your uni students do at weekends?

OP posts:

MrsEricBana · 09/10/2022 06:19

The trouble is, if he keeps coming back he's not engaging with whatever actually is going on. But as you say, hopefully things will start to crop up where he wants to stay. Mine do domestics (as little as possible!), catching up on sleep, hanging out with flatmates, partying, sport, gym, shopping, trips (beach, races etc) and of course studying. This early into term there will be lots of organised freshers's events going on too. Has he made friends in halls or on his course? Can he join a club relevant to his hobby - whatever is closest to the vehicle tinkering? He needs to stick it out to get in there really. Nice for you to get to see him though!

Cotswoldmama · 09/10/2022 06:47

If he's going to some student nights in the week I would worry as that's when all the cheap nights out are. But if not it might be worth encouraging him to join some clubs to help him socialise more. Having said that if he's happy that's all that matters.

vjg13 · 09/10/2022 07:27

It's very early days, he'll probably suddenly surprise you and not come home. Having said that, some universities do seem to have a higher percentage of students who live within a 30 mile radius and there can be a culture of leaving at the weekend and a very quiet campus. Where is he?

ChagSameachDoreen · 09/10/2022 07:39

It's been two weeks!

ScoobyDoobyDoowhere · 09/10/2022 22:16

DS went to gym Fri night then out on town with his flatmates, lie in Saturday, try out of a college sports club afternoon, gym early evening, chilled night in with flat mates Saturday night, today he had a lie in and has prepped ahead of this weeks lectures and gone to gym with some flat mates some of them have gone to a college pub quiz tonight but he got mixed up with the timings so phoned us then is having an early ish night (he sounds dreadful think he has cold, covid or freshers flu). Suspect most weeks it will be similar (but less gym sessions its novelty as gym so close and he just joined at the end of last week) and he’ll also do some food shopping and washing but he washed midweek.

Waythroughwoods · 10/10/2022 12:17

I have a DD just started 2nd year and her experience is that weekends tend to be a bit boring! Most students tend to sleep in, have brunch at the college & generally not do a lot. The big nights tend to be during the week when it’s student nights (& cheaper).
DD is an early bird & spent much of the first term waiting for friends to wake up! She’s too far to pop home but had she been closer, I think she may have done. Instead she’s joined a couple of societies that she loves and have things on at the weekends, and she tends to catch up with friends at other unis too.
Your DS will find his rhythm. As others have said, the main thing is that he seems happy.

vjg13 · 10/10/2022 13:39

@ScoobyDoobyDoowhere Wow! That's more information about one weekend than I can get out of my daughter for a whole year!

Kite22 · 10/10/2022 13:56

As per the first reply, if he comes home every week, then he is less likely to find out what does happen at weekends.
I know we are all different, but I think the advice to not come home at all for at least the first month, is really sound advice.

Darbs76 · 11/10/2022 17:47

My DS hasn’t been back yet, only been there almost 3wks. He had the opportunity last weekend as he was using his dad’s season ticket to watch football so was heading this way (but another 2 trains) but he chose an evening clubbing with the Latin American society instead. I think weekends probably feel different - my son usually does some washing, and shopping, usually has plans for evening but not a great deal for the day. I expect he will eventually start to find things to do

Discovereads · 11/10/2022 17:50

Do nothing. The early weeks are geared towards alcohol and idiocy which is not the scene many young people are comfortable even being around. How can you sleep for example, with all the noise.

Once things settle down, he will find activities starting up that he likes. You could ask him what societies he’s thinking about signing up for. There may even be a sport he wants to try that you don’t do in school, like bouldering or fencing or rowing or kayaking.

Titsywoo · 11/10/2022 17:52

Maybe encourage him to get a part time job for extra money - it will take up some of his weekend and he will meet more new people

FoxCorner · 11/10/2022 18:03

I'm not quite sure what dd does at weekends. She arrived on 24/9 and is coming home this Thursday - Sunday so I might find out more that she's getting up to. I know the first weekend she went on two organised daytime tours of local towns. She said the people on her corridor are really nice. She mentioned 3 clubs she is interested in joining and had been to a social for one of them. I'm looking forward to seeing her. It takes nearly 3 hours by coach but is cheap.

Chdjdn · 11/10/2022 18:05

Perhaps once he has more work he’ll want to stay there at weekends. I remember Saturday nights being out and Sundays hungover but not sure what we did on Saturdays really

PermanentTemporary · 11/10/2022 18:12

Ds has Saturday lectures and a ton of study to do... I suppose the desire to separate from home and make your own tribe doesn't exist in everyone, or at least not straight away. If this goes on all term, I'd suggest a chat at Christmas about trying to stick around in the second term.

niki26 · 11/10/2022 18:26

My nephew is incredibly shy and he was trying to pluck up the courage to go and speak to some people he is living with - I think it was the third night - and he heard them saying really nasty things about him. So he then wanted to leave and Chuck it in. The first weekend my sister and fiancé went up to see him and then the weekend just gone he came home. The compromise is that he give the course a go (as he's really enjoying that!) and he comes home for weekends/reading week and holidays.

The first week the only hot 'meal' he had was a pot noodle that he managed to get when no one was in the kitchen but he's too scared to go in there when people are there - and apparently they hang out there until about midnight. He survived on crisps in his room. I hadn't realised how debilitating his shyness is.

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