1st yr uni - wants to leave - pls help

[cosmosforall]

Hello. My DD is in week two of her first year at Uni. She wants to leave. She is disappointed in her course as the first year contains a subject she says she hates. She hasn't found a person or a friend. Her flat mates are nice but she feels like a spare part as they have formed a tighter group.

She has dyspraxia, can be emotionally immature, has struggled with friendships and social skills. She is kind and wonderful and funny as well!!!

She's in overwhelm. She wants me to make the descisiin for her to leave or stay but I think she needs to own it. I will support it.

Please any tips / stories of what happened when your kids stayed / left.

I have just gone to Uni at the grand old age of 47. Alit of the young ones are struggling as we have only been in lectures for a fortnight and they are missing home. A lot aren't too. However I am sure whichever course she did there will always be modules that no one t like and it's really just to suck it up. Loads of pastoral support so get her to access it!

How far from home is she? I agree she needs to look at alternative courses and what the options are if she chooses to leave.

So an update. I am on my to see her at university. We are booked into see student support who deal with practical, finance and course issues. She has spoken to the lovely student well-being people and been in touch with the course tutors.

My plan is to encourage her to stay until Christmas to give it a real go, but in that time to either apply for apprenticeships, find a different course, plan a gap year and if at any time she decides to leave I will support that. I don't want her to feel trapped but to have options. The dyspraxia makes her very black and white or panicked in thinking and descion making.

I have made it clear that if she leaves uni and comes home it won't be like it was post A levels where I supported her financially and her job was her money. That she will be expected to support herself to some extent, to have purpose and a plan. I don't want her sitting in her room for months on end!

So hopefully a big hug from me, some support from the uni and passing of time will allow her to give it a good go and maybe even stay permanently if it's the right thing for her.

That sounds a very sensible plan @cosmosforall
You want her to give it a good try but also want her to feel she has options and you will support her whatever she decides.
Good luck

I am glad you have this appointment and the university is being helpful - this is all bread and butter to them and they will be on top of it for sure. Good luck.

That sounds like a clear and sensible plan OP. Good luck. I hope your daughter manages to find her feet.

Just one potentially negative point about leaving , if that is what she decides to do - she may only be liable for the first instalment of fees and the first term's maintenance, loan-wise, but once she is counted as having started the year, a whole year will come off her entitlement to undergraduate finance. For most people, this won't be an issue, but it does mean that she would only get funding for the basic length of a new course, no 'safety net' should she need to repeat a year, for example, unless the first 'leaving' is due to a compelling - and evidenced - reason, such as deteriorating mental health.

Could she form a dyspraxia group? I doubt she has the courage but I think others would beat a path to her door - so many must be in her situation.

I’d suggest she sticks it out until Xmas, and makes a good effort to make friends and enjoy herself.