DD off on Year Abroad - I'm Feeling Fragile

[Topseyt123]

My 20 year old student DD (DD3) has just set off for her year abroad this afternoon. It is part of her Modern Languages course at Cambridge.

Both of us have been feeling rather emotional over the last little while. Excited, nervous, scared, happy, sad - all in fairly equal measure. She is going to South America for six months (Spanish is one of her main languages).

Just saw her off at the Stansted Airport and we were all very emotional watching her set off through security. As was she.

I know it will be fine, and she will almost certainly have a fantastic time and a great experience, but I feel very shaky now and this doesn't get any easier. It brings back feelings from when I was a student of her age and I too went on my own year abroad. I know exactly how it feels. Also, from when I saw DD1 off on her year abroad (to France) back in 2015.

My "baby" has gone on a big adventure now, and I am tearful. It hasn't got any easier each time I have watched one of them go. 😭

Handhold OP, totally natural to feel like that, be proud that you have raised an adventurous DD. Time flies, before you know it she will be home, in the meantime you can keep in touch with technology. Sending 🤗

One of mine is off to Germany at the start of October, I'm becoming a nervous wreck. 💐hope they have a blast...

I’ve been there so I know exactly how you feel . Mine is several years on from the same degree course and is now based in one of her language countries . But she’s so happy, fulfilled , using her language skills and making a great life for herself. You bring them up so they can fly ! The time will pass quickly for you but I do understand so well that it’s hard .

Oh dear! I had my DDs go to school in South Africa for a term when they were 13. They left in January and I saw them again in April. One did year abroad too. I never had any worries because she could sort herself out. Other DD did semester in New York. I was thankful they could go. Both had boarded at school so by 20 they really were ok and do was I.

This year is for your DD. I do find it a bit difficult to see why you are tearful. She’s been at university. Name dropped very well and you must have coped with that. Book a holiday to see her if you can. Is she in South America for a year? Or one semester? If the flight is from Stansted, where is she heading?

From Stansted she heads to Madrid. She has a connecting flight there as it is the only place in either the Europe or the UK with direct flights to where she is going.

She'll be in South America for six months. Then back just before Christmas and after that will be going for six months in Italy.

I would love to visit her in South America, and might yet try to wangle it, but no direct flights to where she will be does make the fare very expensive. I'll see how she settles (I know she will) and learn more about it first.

We'll definitely be visiting her when she is in Italy though. She will be near Venice then, and as we live near Stansted Airport it will be very easy to get there. I'll look forward to that.

We have found direct flights are now an issue to Buenos Aires for example. The routes are not making money I guess.

My DD was one semester in Italy and that’s easy to visit. Plus it’s wonderful. If it’s an Italian university - DD found hers a centre of disorganization!!

So it’s really 5 months! That really will go quickly. Getting to South America has never been cheap. We are going to Argentina in October and it’s a faff now and a lot more expensive than a few years ago . Peru, Ecuador and others were never a direct flight. Santiago still is: at a price! Prices have skyrocketed! I agree.

We really like South America. We go as tourists but as long as you are relatively streetwise it’s fine. So much to see and do. I’m sure you will use Skype and it will be a great time for her. DD doesn’t use her languages at work but year abroad was a great experience and you do become someone who is adept at sorting out problems and being independent. That’s valued by employers and it’s a real
personal achievement.

Thanks for the messages everyone. I'll feel a little better soon. Doesn't help that I am a little sleep deprived after the very hot nights too.

We also noticed that direct flights to anywhere in South America were problematic. Makes getting there expensive, but apparently once there (Paraguay) then the cost of living is much cheaper than here.

Your feelings are entirely understandable OP and I'm sure many of us can empathise. She will almost certainly have one of the formative experiences of her life while on her foreign adventures over the next year (I look back on my own, as a similar age, and think how much I learned and grew up and developed independence and self-reliance as a result of them). But you're allowed to feel sad and a bit bereft at your baby heading out into the world

I know how you feel.

DD1 had a year abroad last year, in Oklahoma. She came home for ten days at Christmas, but apart from that we didn't see her from August last year to May this year.

It was scary at the beginning - worrying if she made it through connecting flights, was collected from the airport, arrived safely at accommodation etc. And there were a few logistical issues at the beginning - course enrolment mistakes, no bedding on the bed, laptop stopped working, no supermarkets anywhere close to buy food etc etc - which I was powerless to assist with. But she made it through, and had a good year, and it was such an experience for her. FaceTime was a godsend!

We had planned to visit, but never made it, because the US borders were closed for much of the time, and then we couldn't reconcile her term dates with DD2's.

I hope your DD has a fab year.

OP, I get it. DD2 is currently in Japan on an exchange year. She was meant to go in September but Japan was closed due to Covid, so DD had to learn online. Her UK university offered her accommodation on a weekly basis which she took advantage of until Christmas, when she came home. Japan opened up on 1st March & DD flew out mid-April. Only JAL flew directly and they refuse to fly over Russia, so it was a 16 hour flight over Iceland, Greenland and the far north of Canada.

She is having a ball and loving it out there. I miss her like mad, and I did cry when I took her to Heathrow. However, she's due back in 3 weeks and I'm really looking forward to it. We use WhatsApp to communicate and have had a couple of video calls. Originally we wanted to go there to meet her, but unless we are on an organised tour, we can't get a visa.

I totally understand how you feel, OP. We went through this last year, not only our own feelings but worries about how things would work out. One thing I'd say is keep yourselves busy in the first couple of weeks, met up with friends, day trips either on your own or with DH, evenings out with DH - give yourselves something to look forward to. Also, keep in touch on a regular basis, asking her to send photos - that makes a big difference.

DD only went as far as Germany. She's having a great time there and even looked into completing her degree there, possible but it's complicated, so will do her final year in UK. She's staying in Germany until last possible minute and then flying her things back to uk uni.

We visited her in April. She's in a very traditional German town, no nightclubs but still having the time of her life. She has loved meeting other international students.

I really didn’t worry about DD. I knew she would be ok when she went to SA at 13. We dropped her off at Heathrow. She came back 3 months later. Other friends went to New Zealand and Australian to school for the same period. Made of stern stuff these DC (and their parents!) Year abroad was a doddle in comparison.

I feel your pain as my eldest is off to the States for a year and I'll miss her like crazy - terms in the UK aren't that long and then they're home again and they're never that far away as the UK isn't exactly huge! I spent my last year of sixth form in Germany with my parents back in the UK and it's definitely much easier as the student abroad than as the parent left behind. I think it's just that I know if there's a total emergency that I won't be able to get to her at all quickly.

I am looking forward to hearing all her adventures though over facetime. I have confidence in her ability to cope and manage with everything as she's organised it all herself but am taking an entire box of tissues to the airport to see her off. Sending 💐

Just seen dd off on her year abroad. She was mixture of excited and nervous. Anyone else?

My dd has just started her year abroad too!

Mine has been on over in Paraguay for about six weeks now. Miss her loads, but we message regularly via WhatsApp and video call weekly (also on WhatsApp).

WhatsApp is our friend at the moment. We didn't have anything like it when I was her age and off on my own year abroad. I look back and wonder how we managed without, but we did as there was no choice.

It is a big thing, both for them and for us parents.

Similar boat here - DD left on Monday for a year in France in a big city as an au pair and doing volunteering. She’s 18 and taking a year out before Uni: She’s sending us what’s app messages and rang this evening, bought herself a push bike. It’s new exciting and a bit scary for her- especially the child care which she hasn’t done before: She’s connected with another au pair she found via Instagram and starts French lessons soon
All a great opportunity though leaves a hole at home… as others said easier going than staying.

Mine is still there after six years, came back for 4th year, went back and did Masters and has stayed. Couldn't be happier for him.