Advice needed on how to change university after the first year

[ThankyoThingies]

Long story but my child is very close to dropping out of university just now.
They are autistic but at home seemed well able to cope but didn’t settle in well to the accommodation and ended up having a breakdown when they heard flat area being horrible about them.
My child came home some weeks ago and we have worked together and with the uni (who have been fab) to get them in a place where they’ve taken most of the exams (deferred one) as they were online.
The uni allowed a room change and last week we took the child back to the university so they could finish the seminars at the end of the term.
Sadly, they couldn’t get out of the car- as soon as they saw the campus, the stress came back and we are now back at home, waiting for exam results, unsure about how important these seminars are for progression.

Mt child will get a lot of support now over the summer- mental health and autism support (we are working on it)

But they just can’t go back to that university.
How do they sort out a change in university- is it possible?!
Does anyone have experience or advice?

Thank you all so much.
They went to uni hooding to leave their autism diagnosis behind so although true university knew, my child didn’t engage with DSA etc
since they came home from uni a month or so ago, all this support is now in place and the uni is being bloody brilliant in helping so far.
it’s just my child couldn’t set foot on campus again without a huge wave of anxiety.

We are getting things in place to support this at the uni but my child prefers face to face communication so had made appts for this coming week, face to face, after the exams (which they took online at home).

Thanks again.

Hi, OP -

I am so glad you are now working with the uni.

DSA and the OSD aren’t the same thing. It is understandable that students hope to leave their diagnosis at home; sadly it makes no more sense than trying to leave a diabetes diagnosis at home. I hope your DC does not feel the one is any more shameful than the other. Whilst the bullying was contemptible, on the whole I think young people have a greater sense than their elders that MH and PH deserve parity.

The best chance to succeed comes from using all of your tools.

Nowadays the large majority of students are getting 1sts and 2.1s and most of the large employers are making these degree classifications a condition of employment. All is not lost with a 2.2 but it typically takes much longer to find a job and you are ineligible for a number of desirable PG bursaries, etc, as well. You can guess the rest.

I don’t mean to sound scary. I just hate seeing students face these harsh realities unnecessarily.

Yeah, they are connecting ugh the disability offices, the counselling services, the DSA study support and the ASD mentor now, but it’s getting close to the end of term and they are all talking about making contact in sept.

The first term, they got merits for the higher weighted exams, it’s not about ability, it’s all about managing self.

Just wondering if you’ve seen this thread about a similar situation but a year further on. Lots of good advice there too.
It’s not about intellectual ability (although there may be processing issues with ASD) but is about juggling their disability and all the demands.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/higher_education/4559352-please-help-daughter-thinking-of-dropping-out-due-to-study-issues

Best of Luck to you and your daughter and hope she can find a good outcome that makes her happier

Thanks everyone.

Your child is an adult. I'm sorry she was bullied and I'm sorry to be so harsh but university is not school and universities do not have the same oversight of the behaviour of students as schools have over pupils.

Think hard as to whether a university is the right environment for her, it requires resilience and adaptability, peer interaction, ability to cope with stress, meet deadlines, work on own initiative etc.

There are other ways to get a degree - online, apprenticeships etc. It might be worth exploring those.

I'm not sure the level of structure and support you describe that your dc needs is available in many unis. Some have specific accommodation for those with additional needs but supervision is not full time. Do they want to live away from home and be independent?

For many subjects the first year is a foundation for what follows but does not count towards final degree result. Unless it is externally affiliated the content will vary from one to another, so worth restarting first year rather than transferring any credits in the hope of resuming. Part of the remaining course marks may be based on attendance and participation in seminars and tutorials, even possibly virtually.

It is great news that your DC plans to connect to appropriate services at their new uni.

For clarity, I have never doubted their ability. In spite of their anxiety, they got very good A Level and first semester results. That speaks for itself.

But even within the same degree programme there is a surprising amount of variation in how universities do things. Y2 is a big step up and your DC’s foundatio from Y1 Sem 2 is shaky. They will inevitably have missed some (different) bits of Y1 background from the new place. Y2 friendship groups are largely formed and while not impenetrable, are an extra barrier. In brief, your DC will be objectively handicapped relative to the continuing Y2 students at the new place in ways that could raise anyone’s anxiety. And your DC has special needs.

Please note that it is the people with uni experience who are urging your DC to consider a clean restart, and none of us are questioning their ability. I want them to get their good degree.

OP, my DC tried to transfer from Year 1 to Year 2 this year. Out of the universities he approached to make a transfer to he was told he had to get a 2:1 which would have been fine but the problem was the modules had to be almost exactly the same and this was practically impossible. My DC has reapplied to restart Year 1 elsewhere and been accepted somewhere. This is not something he wanted to do but he didn't really have much choice. Like yours, his self-esteem has taken a nose dive because of the pandemic and the A-level results he was "given". He did a "retake" and redeemed himself however, noticeably, the incredible offers he received the first time round from top Russell Group unis vanished and he had really limited offers this time, so something to bear in mind.

I hadn’t really set out what support we are hoping for, so it’s odd that you say its unlikely to happen.
What’s been offered through DSA seems really helpful, together with some counselling too.
I also didn’t say the plan was to go into year 2 at the other universities- we are thinking about a slight change in topic and seeing if they can go into first year.

And we totally realise that university doesn’t have a full duty of care like a school, but they do have to make reasonable adjustments to disability and now all of this has happened, they are being super helpful.
I think many people see university as a place of learning about the topic but also learning some adult skills and that transition can be hard. We aren’t asking for 24hr support- DSA have granted 50 sessions of an autism mentor that we think will be super helpful, but it’s just coming back into the space where all the horrible things happened that is upsetting and difficult to manage.

Thanks for this and good luck to your son.
I do hope he does well.

They went to uni hooding to leave their autism diagnosis behind so although true university knew, my child didn’t engage with DSA

Understandable for a teen ager to think this, but wherever we go, we take ourselves with us. A PP has mentioned that a 2nd university would want to know what steps have been taken to deal with the issues which your young person encountered.

It's a form of magical thinking to say (and I've had students say something like this to me): "If I can just have this extension, then I know everything will be OK." "Next time it'll be different" and so on ...

It's human to think like this but as we get older we start to see what we're doing!

So I hope the young person will take some actions. We can't help students unless they help themselves first.

As for starting at another university ... it really depends. In my discipline, we rarely take anyone into 2nd Year, if they haven't done our 1st year curriculum, because our degree has a particular approach & structure. Although the 1st year marks don't count towards a degree result, the learning does. And secondly, we rarely have spaces. We are oversubscribed more often than not.

So it may depend on a combination of degree discipline and institution.

What learning has your young person made or achieved? That might be an important conversation to have.

But please don't allow them to indulge in the catastrophe thinking of either "I cannot go back to the first university. It is all broken" AND "By going to this other university, everything will be OK"

It's to be hoped that your young person won't meet another set of flatmates who speak badly about them behind their back. But people are people - if it happens again (because young people living on top of each other can get on each other's nerves) how will your young person cope? What are their self-help strategies for dealing with people who don't like them? Do they have some ideas about developing a friendship group? It won't just happen - they'll need to go out & make friends, if that's what they want.

Thanks for your post.
yes, the application is for a year one place at another university for a slightly different course.
I totally agree with you- I’ve asked them to think about what they are going to do differently next time.
They cried and said they tried so hard to fit in and get on and got ghosted by some people and then the people in their block also started to be nasty and unkind and the final straw was the hearing themselves being talked about in a really vile way.
In the end, if my child moves, they will still have autism and we are working on ways to manage the social communication issues. I don’t know what help is out there and how they can change and learn to manage situations differently.
Universities are space for this sort of learning as well as the topic.
we have to put strategies in place to help. That’s why they’ve engaged with the disability office at the current university and the dsa support.
indont know what else they can do tbh
If any of you have suggestions it would be great.

In that case be factual, honest and brief in the personal statement, it’s rather late to be applying via UCAS now unless you are planning on going through Clearing, you would need to check vacancies on the website first.

Please do declare the disability as part of the application so the Disability Office and Dept can start the discussion about support.

I think a mentor is a useful request so if things start going pear shaped child can start discussing with them and forming strategies.

I strongly iterate that living at home may be the reasonable adjustment that you make though, the onus is on you as well as the uni to help your child.

You only have this month to get the application in and considered, 30th June is the deadline else it’s held into Clearing.

Thanks
They have emailed a few universities and got replies about applications and yes, it seems that the window is still open for late applications.
They need a reference from their tutor. In the first term, my child was the only one who completed work and submitted presentation slides for feedback so there is evidence of good engagement and also good marks.

Also, I’ve been thinking about the bullying and I think this must be against the rules of halls and against the student charter etc. kids aren’t allowed to bully each other at school, adults aren’t allowed to bully one another at work.
The accommodation office and the subject department were keen for my child to report the bullying but the time it takes for them to do that is best spent on the other things they need to do.

I don’t think they need to ask for a mentor, it’s provided in the DSA package- 50 sessions a year of ASD mentoring and 30 sessions of study support.
That won’t change from one university to the next- that’s related to the challenges my child has.

Regarding living at home and going to university- that’s not something my child wants to do and I just can’t force them. We’ve talked about it a lot but I can’t persuade them. They want independence and they want to try again, with the extra support in place.

Absolutely fair enough just to say that if similar strides then they’ve used up their funding and would have to self fund if they need to move again. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that but just something to be mindful of.

Best of luck

Well yes, but we can only do what we can do.
18yr olds are 18yr olds, ASD or no ASD.
I can’t make them stay home as much as I’d like to.
I am hoping that with counselling and ASD mentoring, there will be some help before it all gets to the point that it did last term.
Its had a very marked psychological impact on my child. People can be so vile.