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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Disappointing university experience

36 replies

GettinTrimmer · 04/06/2022 09:43

Has anybody found their dc going into year 3 are still struggling socially following the disruption due to Covid?

I am hoping ds will have a good 3rd year as he's sharing a house with some friends he met through a society, so that is positive. He is very shy and takes a long time to get to know people. He's been home since the start of the Easter holidays apart from going back a couple of times to meet with people socially. He phoned me for a chat on one occasion during one visit back at uni, as he felt very anxious. He decided to stay home as he was spending all week alone only seeing society friends at the weekend.

Unfortunately he has made no new friends on his course (still blended learning and limited contact with people) and some societies haven't restarted. Two socieites he tried felt awkward for him as people seemed to know each other and he didn't know anyone. He does makes friends, but it takes time.

For my ds as a shy person, it would have helped to meet people at the start of the first year and take time to get to know them in a normal situation. The uni experience has been made more difficult by Covid. He tries his best and is going abroad to take part in an environmental conservation project for 2 weeks then off with his society for a trip, so he'll be busy for a month.

He's had no luck finding a summer job and wouldn't work in sales or hospitality; he is looking for gardening, ware house work, supermarket etc. No replies to anything he has applied for on a temp basis.

My DF passed away coming up for a year ago. He had some extentions to his academic work and kept going but almost gave up in the first year. Of course that has been very difficult :(

This is a bit long, thanks to anyone who's read this far. I hope all of us with dc who have struggled going into the third year have a better and more satisfying year.

OP posts:
lovescats3 · 13/06/2022 16:31

Btw I'm not anti lockdowns we needed it when there were no vaccines but now for our kids and young people's well being everything needs to be open. unis should not be doing online learning now there is no just cause

lovescats3 · 13/06/2022 16:39

Get them to consider taking a year out rather than dropping out or they could look at apprenticeship s with degrees.my eldest started a job after finishing degree in 2020 (had to do dissertation without library access and no normal end of 3rd year and uni experience s)which was online and difficult too.tbh I think they need to get people back into office s as it's not working for young people and we are storing up a lot of problems interms of them learning how to do the jobs but that's another detour.i think our young people need us as advocates for them because I don't see any advocacy from unis or government

CoffeeWithCheese · 21/06/2022 10:01

I know my course were having this issue with that cohort - for a course where often they do a lot of group work and interactive stuff, the cohort really haven't gelled at all socially (we normally end up very tight-knit as a bunch) compared to the now-departing year 3s who had the first bit of the first year to form into groups (and then bonded through the chaos of covid and despair at online lectures going tits up) and the current first years who've had much more in terms of on-campus stuff.

Original poster
GettinTrimmer · 23/06/2022 15:41

CoffeeWithCheese good to hear the other years are better; my DD going to uni in 2023. It's an unfair soul destroying experience for this cohort and I hope the universities take that on board. There are no guarantees in life I suppose :(

OP posts:
sammyjoanne · 27/06/2022 20:04

Sorry to hear about your DF. DD is also at the end of second year about to start her 3rd in September.
First year, no problem. Lockdown forced her flat of 12 to get on which they did. And she and 7 others went on to get a flat in the city for year two. But as restrictions were lifted, they started to drift apart. They did not fall out, but they all found their own set of friends. DD joined a pub quiz team with a bunch of other students and they became friends, but shes not living with them for third year.
Shes going to private halls with people shes not met yet. shes not staying with first year friends as they are all splitting, so she feels this is the best option, to go in the deep end again and move in with strangers. If your DS keeps up he societies friendship, then thats a great thing and one he needs to maintain; so him keeping in contact over the summer with them, or a meet up etc would be nice too. Some courses have group projects going on for third year, so that might be a nice way to meet some people from his course and perhaps study together and become friends.

User79865765 · 27/06/2022 20:12

Which universities are still not back doing face to face? This all sounds really disappointing for the poor kids.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 29/06/2022 00:27

I found university disappointing. Just didn't really bond with people I met super well. I haven't really stayed in touch with anyone from university. I got the degree though, which helped me get a good job and the rest of my life has been good.

I think university is bigged up these days to be the 'best' experience of your life but honestly I found it quite boring most of the time.

Covid has had negative impacts on everyone, at many stages of life. Just encourage him to try and stick with it and get the degree. Keep your eyes on the prize anything else is a nice to have.

Badbadbunny · 01/07/2022 10:16

User79865765 · 27/06/2022 20:12

Which universities are still not back doing face to face? This all sounds really disappointing for the poor kids.

My DS is at Lancaster and his modules were about half & half, in person and online which he really wasn't happy about, especially when very late in the day they announced the exams would be in person.

Original poster
GettinTrimmer · 01/07/2022 14:11

sammyjoanne thank you, the experience of drifting apart from 1st year friends is the same, also a flat of 12. Thankfully my Ds is abroad taking part in a nature conservation project, and he's got himself an admin job for the summer later on. I wish your DD all the best for the 3rd year.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness yes I have young work colleagues who had a disappointing experience even before Covid. It's not for everyone.

OP posts:
stayingpositiveifpossible · 01/07/2022 14:48

I'm sure it has been really tough on them.

Failing the means to buy a van for the gardening - I've known people do it with a bicycle plus trailer with the phone number on the side. Doesn't have to be massive jobs. Seems lots of people need smaller jobs doing. Showing willing counts for a lot. Advertising in local community magazine?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/07/2022 14:59

I feel so, so sorry for anyone who started university over the last few years, especially 2019 and 2020. They have been robbed of many of the things that make the uni years special - I have seen this with friends' kids. They are all making the best of it and the truth is they don't fully understand what they are missing out on, but to those of us who were luckier, it is clear they are being short changed

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