Mumsnet and WIWIKAU

[BananaDramaGuyana]

Does anyone look at What I Wish I Knew About University (via Facebook)? It's interesting how views on there are quite different to here. The prevailing attitude is to take no notice of league tables at all, and choose solely on where DC will be happiest (just one example). The emphasis on here on Oxbridge, RG (or select few RG equivalents) or bust is obviously not present because all institutions are represented. Clearly the format of MN also allows for more in depth discussion. I think looking at both gives a good balance.

I love WIWIKAU but find there are far more parents who have a dc who is the first in the family to go to uni and many parents who have no idea about the student loan system, I do think the student loan system should be flagged up in schools from year 10 to allow parents / dc to save for 2nd year deposits etc.
I know a dd at Oxford Brooks this year and she says students drop out on a regular basis because their parents can't afford the Oxford private rental market - deposits in advance, rents that start in July etc.

Yes, and it is a good reminder of how little about HE many people know. Both in that more information is clearly needed in a format that gets through, and that despite that fact many people survive without the intense research and planning which goes on on here! I guess there will always be DC who are not served well, either because families know too little, or because parents over-invest.

I’ve looked at it. It astonishes me how much detail some parents go into, under their real names — often with photos of student mess and practically a life history of every hiccup and triumph. DD would not be happy with that level of sharing.

Yes I agree @GuppytheCat , and also posting photos of dirty kitchens and being rude about the other students who share it.

Its a more grounded inclusive forum..lots of assistance and hand holding at the nitty gritty level not for the likes of some seasoned mumsnetters who would rather argue the toss about private/state education etc....

Oh god, yes, the kitchens! some of which actually look tidier than mine

I do find it odd that, if parents don’t have a lot of money, they and DC don’t research costs fully. That includes the cost of housing in y2/3. Lots of cities are expensive but even Oxford has less desirable areas with cheaper rents. The bigger issue is parents not realising the size of the contribution they need to make and not being able or willing to budget for it. It should be a legal requirement for schools to give full info to students. There is good info available but lots of DC and their parents don’t get it early enough. In Y7 a start should be made.

If posters in the comment site think uni doesn’t matter, sadly the stats don’t back this up on jobs or earnings. If that doesn’t matter, then go where you want and do what you want. It could be 40 years of paying for the degree though.,

That, I would suggest, is not a very MN comment, either - most of the 'kitchen' comments I've clocked on here seem to have been along the lines of the poster's DC being traumatised by even the thought of the ineviability of having to share a kitchen with those not imbued with their (the DC's, but by implication, also the poster's) level of fastidiousness😁.

I’d agree that by looking at MN and WIWIKAU you get a much better balance.

WIWIKAU on FB isn’t anonymous like MN so has a totally different vibe. On MN people can express eg their snobbery freely in a way that they couldn’t in a non anonymous forum.

I experience MN as very competitive and stealth boasty against WIWIKAU’s much more supportive vibe. Many at WIWIKAU are happy to talk about post 92 offers and experiences where MN seems to be all Oxbridge & St Andrews (with a bit of UEA thrown in randomly). I love the moving in photos that are posted on WIWIKAU, gives a really good understanding of accommodation. People on WIWIKAU also talk really openly and emotionally about the huge rollercoaster of children leaving in a way I’ve not really seen on MN.

MN seems to have a few people that work in academia and can give really useful insights into eg admissions, specific issues/subjects etc.

So they are both IME good to read and provide a rounded view when read together.

@SFisnotsimple

Every year there are posters on MN crying into their cornflakes when DC have flown the nest. It’s a recurring theme.

I agree it’s very Oxbridge dominated on the threads. This is probably best explained by the type of highly invested and knowledgable posters about these universities. Plus the extra hoops you go through to get there.

You will find some posters are anti Bristol. No kid iz ever anti a solid Northern university. There’s a sort of script that keeps recurring. It’s a mixed bag of love and hate. I also think some posters are very wedded to certain universities and always recommend them as being the only place to go. Which is of course nonsense. Some posters on MN make a career of always being right and quirky DC are the norm. In real life, as maybe on the other website, the young people are far more happy go lucky.

Sharing info can be supportive. However lots of posts on MN can be pretty barbed!

Every year there are posters on MN crying into their cornflakes when DC have flown the nest. It’s a recurring theme.

What a nasty, patronising comment@TizerorFizz Are you trying to illustrate your own point about lots of MN posts being barbed?

@WhateverLinus
Its true that lots of posters see DC leaving home as devastating. It is written about a lot and how to cope. Sorry my attempt at humour wasn’t appreciated. Cannot see it as being that offensive in the overall scheme of things. No more than comments about Oxford and St Andrews being a dominant snobby theme and DC being traumatised at a messy kitchen! Maybe lighten up a bit?

Can't say I've ever indulged in WIWIKAU. However whilst the higher ed threads on MN can sometimes regularly require a pinch of salt there is some relevance in the broader league tables.

I'd hope every parent would want their DC(s) to be happy and lead successful - however that might be measured- lives. Taking the Complete University Guide league table, and with all the usual caveats, this is completion rate plotted against the most recent ranking. Which tells its own story.

in terms of the graduate prospects again from the CUG

which is all very interesting. But key points that a couple of pp have made is around awareness of how student finance works and in particular expectations around parental contributions. Whilst far from every 18 year old goes to uni - UCAS data busts some regularly trotted out MN myths on that - I can see an argument for at least raising awareness, as Tizer advocates, from the outset of secondary school, and repeating this maybe at the start of each year.

Plus a scatter graph showing ranking and accommodation costs - splits halls and then for typical student rental - would likely look a lot more random. Oxford and Cambridge often some of the best value on that front. College costs at least!

However to keep up with expectations - yes one of my DC is an Oxbridge grad, never quite got why any stealth needed when boasting and another is at UEA.

However my absolute pet hate on MN is those who bleat on about the Russell Group as the ultimate be all and end all. Although Durham and York's collegiate structure glorified halls of residence perhaps run them close. If WIWIKAU avoids both.................

League tables personally think it depends on the career more places are blind recruiting nowadays

However, far too many parents in there do everything for their child such as spreadsheets of pros and cons, ringing universities to the point I question how their kids will cope irl

@boys3 that is indeed an impressive Mumsnet approved Universities score !

@boys3
Durham and York are Russell Group.

Ha! These posts kind of back up my points. 😂

I’d argue many of the posts I see on MN micromanage uni-going DC far, far more than what I see on WIWIKAU. TBH it always strikes me as a little odd when parents are all over their DCs Uni choices, I get strong Not Letting Go vibes.

There is definitely room for both WIWIKAU and MN and for a more balanced view IME it’s really good to read both.

i think WIWIKAU is most useful for families where they are experiencing university for the first time, especially if they are coming from schools who don’t send many to university. It’s very sobering to realise how many people know so little about the process and makes you realise how privileged the children of people who have already been through the system are.

There do seem to be a lot of very emotional parents on there though , the pictures of people moving to university are unbelievable, whole roomfuls of stuff . Last year there was a conversation about which room had been allocated to collect their stuff together in. People taking plants , shelving units on wheels, air fat fryers, people even hiring vans to take stuff. I wanted to say ‘they’ll be home in 9 weeks ‘ but my one attempt was drowned out by all the drama of ‘leaving home’ which of course they are not.

I'd say it was worse on the Facebook group, I can't believe some of the depths some of the parents go to. They mustn't have resilient kids

I would say that in general mumsnet tends to a lot more over invested in the application process and grades etc. the Facebook site is more about the living, there’s a lot more focus on finance, accommodation, what to take, even clothes etc .

I'm glad you started this thread @BananaDramaGuyana. I agree with most of the comments on this thread. I do find the WIWIKAU Facebook page a bit melodramatic at times. I must be hard hearted because the idea of sobbing all summer because my DC is going to move on to the next stage of their lives a little OTT.

It's fine to miss your student DC, it isn't fine to guilt trip them into contacting you every day while they are away or urging them to come home for regular visits. We raise them to be independent adults, and if they are confident enough to go to university we should be patting ourselves on our backs. We need to let our DC go.

The kitchen comments I'm afraid are very true. We were selling late MIL's house near where to DD is at university so we visited her a few times in her first year, and the mess in the kitchen in halls was truly awful.

A lot of the parents on Facebook use the Guardian legaue tables as gospel, which I think is a bit bonkers.The results are based on student experiences and are very subjective, so I always take them with a pinch of salt, as I do the other league tables.

I agree that there are a handful of posters on MN who think the top three or four universities are only universities worth going to, and can be very sniffy about other options.

@Peaseblossum22 I once challenged a poster who bemoaned that her son couldn't cook, so I said "why not teach him?", and she replied "because he is a boy"!!!!
My response to that was deleted

I’m quite aware of that. Although arguably a bit late to the marketing party only joining along with Exeter and QMUL in, if fading memory serves, 2012. 😀

A slightly random reply that missed including the quote from tizer yesterday evening.

not linked to any posts this morning.