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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Should I defer my master's place for a year to have a baby?

37 replies

hereforthefood · 26/01/2022 13:20

I'm currently 0.5 years into a 2 year, part time master's course (all coursework, no exams). I also work full time to cover my bills.

Essentially I'm hoping to get pregnant in the next few months but that would mean giving birth during year 2 of my masters course. What I'm thinking is either requesting to do seminars and lectures online like we've been doing for the pandemic (I'd be on maternity leave so would have loads of time to study, especially if my baby sleeps all the time which I feel like newborns do), or deferring for a year and coming back and finishing my degree when my baby is a few months old. Here, I'll have to go back to working full time and would also have to find childcare (there's a nursery down the road and DP's parents and grandma are a 15 minute drive away so not too difficult).

Which of these options sound the best? This is entirely hypothetical as I may not even get pregnant until such a time where I would have finished my course by the time I give birth.

OP posts:

Akire · 26/01/2022 13:26

Can you not wait least 8m then if you do get pregnant you be due after the course has finished? Yes your baby maybe a little angel and let you work all day or you maybe complete zombie and be on your knees with sleep deprivation and not mange wash your hair never mind upteen study hours a week.
Is there reason why have to have baby in next year?

MumGoneMild · 26/01/2022 13:27

Give it a year.
Baby’s change a lot of things, even the best sleepers take up all your time, money and effort.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 26/01/2022 13:28

How old are you? I would wait to get pregnant if time was on my side.

chocopuffs · 26/01/2022 13:29

I definitely wouldn't count on having "loads of time to study"! I've just been on mat leave and it was exhausting and relentless, I thought I'd have time to watch tv and do fun things for me but I had a high needs, demanding baby. Sorry but I think you're being very unrealistic, but that is based on my personal experience.

Forfamily123 · 26/01/2022 13:29

especially if my baby sleeps all the time which I feel like newborns do - have you been around many newborns? Have a read of some of the threads on the parents board.

I would wait so your baby is due about 3 months after you have finished your masters.

frogswimming · 26/01/2022 13:30

Don't worry yet. You might not get pregnant while you're doing the course. You can't put your life on hold for something that might not happen. I had a baby in the middle of my degree and just deferred two assignments and did them in the summer.

AppleTangerine · 26/01/2022 13:31

Yes I would defer if you get pregnant.

It's easy to imagine that you'll have loads of time on maternity leave but babies can be extremely demanding.

Clymene · 26/01/2022 13:31

especially if my baby sleeps all the time which I feel like newborns do

Unfortunately my babies didn't get this memo. I would not count on being able to do anything much while your babies are sleeping

Viviennemary · 26/01/2022 13:31

I would put off having a baby until you have finished your degree. Especially as you work full time.

JuniorMint · 26/01/2022 13:32

I'd be on maternity leave so would have loads of time to study, especially if my baby sleeps all the time which I feel like newborns do

Good one, OP

GrandRapids · 26/01/2022 13:35

Did my discount how rough pregnancy can be either. I found it so hard to work and would often fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon there is no way I would have had the motivation to study.

Equally when you've had the baby, you'll be exhausted I can promise you that. When they sleep all you want to do is watch tv.

Of course you might be super motivated and committed to study in which case the above may not apply!

Ultimately you can't predict what's going to happen but my advice would be get pregnant towards the end of the masters!

RampantIvy · 26/01/2022 13:36

@Viviennemary

I would put off having a baby until you have finished your degree. Especially as you work full time.

Why would you deliberately make your life much more stressful? If you have time on your side I would complete the masters first.

Rrrob · 26/01/2022 13:37

Can’t you wait a few more months until you would have finished your course by the time the baby is born? What is the rush?

Quail15 · 26/01/2022 13:38

As others have said if age isn't an issue then wait until after your masters to try for a baby.

It took me 4 years to conceive my daughter (I was 29 and otherwise healthy so fertility issues were a shock) . If I had put my life on hold while planning to get pregnant I wouldn't have finished my master's or found my current job, travelled etc .....

mummabubs · 26/01/2022 13:40

I think unless you're worried about being too old to conceive I'd wait. I've done a Masters (which was non-exam based like yours) and also have two children. The masters was intense in the second half and I needed a lot of time to concentrate on it. I had children several years afterwards, but my tuppence... Even with the experience of one child under my belt I still fell into the trap of thinking I'd be able to get loads of DIY done on our new fixer upper during mat leave. I have done virtually nothing in 8 months. When she was tiny she'd only sleep on me, on the sofa for small intervals. Now as she's a bit older she doesn't like me doing anything that isn't playing with her or feeding her.

Honestly, I'd wait OP. I completely get the broodiness but for the sake of waiting a few extra months you can really focus on both completing your masters and then being a mum, without having to compromise on either.

Severntrent · 26/01/2022 13:41

I'd complete Masters first. I had a baby at end of my first year. That meant I had six months break before yr2 started but from then on I couldn't really focus on my masters and just did the minimum to finish the course. I got lots more out of my first year when I could focus properly on it.
I also extended it to three years, so I researched and wrote dissertation in yr 3.
I'd rather enjoy the masters properly and then enjoy the baby properly.
But that's just my experience.

Quail15 · 26/01/2022 13:42

Sorry meant to add them my baby is now 9 months and is only just sleeping for more and an hour or two at a time so newborns definitely don't sleep all the time.

ShadowPuppets · 26/01/2022 13:46

My baby was an excellent sleeper in terms of the time she literally spent asleep, however the only place she would do it was in my arms until 7 months when we did sleep training. Which ruled out doing pretty much anything other than sitting on the sofa! I really wouldn’t gamble on being able to do your masters on maternity, sure it might be possible but if it isn’t that’s a huge expense and the last thing you’d want to do is fuck up the course after all your hard work in year 1.

As others have said, unless time is a serious factor I would just put off TTC until 8 months before the course is due to finish.

Doyoumind · 26/01/2022 13:48

I think you're being naive. Get your masters done and then have a baby. It will not be simple to complete it with a baby in your life.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 26/01/2022 13:50

I'd definitely wait. I think you're unrealistic to think you'd have loads of spare time with a baby.
But also think about what if things went wrong? I was hospitalised twice during my first pregnancy unexpectedly. One of those was a slipped disc from a fall - completely unpredictable and caused months of agony.

Twizbe · 26/01/2022 13:50

Finish your course and then get pregnant. Why complicate things?

JustWonderingIfYou · 26/01/2022 13:56

I would wait until after you've finished your course.

You have no idea how easy your pregnancy will be, you might not be able to study.

You have no idea how well your baby will sleep.

You have no idea if you'll feel comfortable leaving your baby at a few months old- I didn't.

FeckingOvaries · 26/01/2022 13:57

@Doyoumind

I think you're being naive. Get your masters done and then have a baby. It will not be simple to complete it with a baby in your life.

I've had a baby. I've done two masters. Not a hope in hell I could've done them at the same time.

HeyBlaby · 26/01/2022 14:01

I had a baby who slept through from 6 months, so I was very lucky, however prior to that it was exhausting and I had about 2 months of screaming for hours due to colic.

I'm an always on the go type of person but unless you put your baby in childcare, you're unlikely to get much work done.

bedheadedzombie · 26/01/2022 14:03

I had baby brain during my pregnancy, I couldn't remember my own address, let alone learn something.

Oh and babies don't always sleep when you want to. I had (have) a difficult sleeper. The first ten months I slept about 4.5-6 hours per day in 1,5 hour stretches. No let up, that was it every.single.day. I also had days when I was so busy with her I couldn't brush my teeth or shower. Yes, babies can be easy, or incredibly tough, and you don't know which one you are getting.

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