Should I go to college out of state?

[sockvillain]

I'm a senior in high school, but I should be a freshman in college. My birthday's in 2003 in the first week of October, and the state where I live has a winter cutoff, which means that I was supposed to start Kindergarten in the fall of 2008. However, because my parents didn't have a lot of confidence in me, they waited until the fall of 2009 to send me. All through school, I've felt embarrassed about being a year behind and being older than many students in the grade above me. The thing is, though, that most states have a September cutoff, which means that in most states, I wouldn't have been allowed to start Kindergarten until the fall of 2009. Thus, by the standards of most states, I'm in the right graduating class. If I went to college in a state with a September cutoff, I'd be exactly in the year I'm supposed to be in, and there wouldn't be anything weird about turning 19 in October of my freshman year or 21 in October of my junior year, since that's the norm for October-born people in that state. I'd still be one of the very oldest, but I'd fall within the standard age range for my year and wouldn't be older than many people in the graduating class above me. I know this seems crazy, but lately, nothing has been more important to me than being normal and fitting in.

I agree, progression through education is not by rigid lockstep - even in systems (such as UK schools) where this may be largely the case at lower levels, by the time you are looking at college and university there are a variety of routes and options and the ages of students spread out a lot. I have a daughter a year older than you on a gap year at present who will start university next September.

I too understand the autistic need for things to "be right", but understand that where you are is indeed a right and proper arrangement that should work well for you. Good luck finding the best fit for your next steps in education.

@Farrandau

That seems like a completely mad rationale for going to an out-of-state university. That kind of obsession with exactly how old people are seems like a rather childish thing to be so concerned with, if I’m honest.

In the UK, where this site is based, people would overwhelmingly approve of your parents’ decision to keep you out of kindergarten a further year — there are strong correlations between being among the oldest in your school cohort and academic and sporting achievement. It would have nothing to do with ‘lacking confidence’ in you, just a recognition that being the very youngest of your cohort can be difficult.

I can’t help feeling there’s a big backstory.

No one will know or care whether you’re a year older than them at any university.

"It would have nothing to do with ‘lacking confidence’ in you, just a recognition that being the very youngest of your cohort can be difficult."

I second this. Parents who try to rush their kids may ultimately end up setting their kids behind. We sent our December-born son to K at 4 because we didn't want him to be "behind" in school. He was fine until he started college at 17. He had a much harder time adjusting to college than his older classmates, and as a result, dropped out after 1 semester. He enrolled at a community college the following fall, where we were hoping he would be able to transfer back to a university after 2 years. Unfortunately, he didn't get great advisement while at community college, and ended up taking 3 years to transfer instead of 2. He's now a 23-year-old senior, set to graduate this spring. However, if we had given him another year before Kindergarten, college would've probably gone smoothly for him and he probably would have graduated last spring. By starting him too early, he ended up being a year behind. I don't know anybody who regrets redshirting, but I know many people, S/O and I included, who regret not redshirting.

Great post from Xiaoxiong - I do think there's a lot of truth in it.

The decision about which college to go to is difficult enough without adding in worries about things that genuinely don't matter like being a few months older than the average student.

I can imagine you're feeling pretty stressed generally right now. Junior and senior years are tough. Fitting in at high school is tough. Applying to college is tough - worrying about the finances, writing masses of essays, filling in forms, etc.

DH had a gap year and arrived at his US college age 19, and actually it was kind of handy to be able to buy beer for his friends :-)

I'd also encourage you to find a college where you think you'll be happy. My DD is quite unusual - never fitted in at high school - and she has found a college that really seems to suit students like her. There is such a huge range of colleges.

My DD is currently a junior in high school, so I have some understanding of what a stressful time this is for you - she's stressed just starting to look at colleges!

Many schools here offer a pre-first option between K and first grade, so the kids who went into pre-first are automatically older than those who went straight from K to first grade. Her class has a wide age range, some are turning 18 now, others won't until 2023.

Once you get to college, you're all young adults, a year or two difference doesn't matter at all. You need to pick the college that best suits you academically and personally in terms of size, location, etc. I'm sure you've visited many campuses and you sometimes just know when a place is right for you. Not to mention the financial package! Good luck.

@ZZTopGuitarSolo I have to say that I'm finding the American college application process far more stressful than my own British experience. It's almost as if there's TOO much choice and the pressure seems enormous, at least at my DD's school.

I’ve gone back to university as an adult now (twenties). There are people much older than me!

Are you perhaps anxious generally about this big life change? If not it seems a bit over the top to be so hyper fixated on whether or not you’ll be the same age as your classmates.

I must be missing something here. Sorry for stating the obvious but you don't have to wear a sticker on your forehead displaying your date of birth. I have no clue how old my colleagues are.

[quote Cameleongirl]@ZZTopGuitarSolo I have to say that I'm finding the American college application process far more stressful than my own British experience. It's almost as if there's TOO much choice and the pressure seems enormous, at least at my DD's school.[/quote]
Yes, I've been through it with two children now and it didn't seem to get any easier either. The huge selection of colleges, the 'how long is a piece of string' approach to how much it will cost, all the essays, forms... Good luck to your DD.

Like my friend @ZZTopGuitarSolo, I've been through the admissions process in the US twice. We used a college counselor for both kids and it was well worth it. They both wound up at colleges that were really good fits for what they needed and wanted. Both are at private colleges but with good scholarship packages. The cost of state schools has gone up so that in many cases they're not that much cheaper. And going to a college that's a poor fit is a waste of money.