Another path- the first year ......

[chopc]

Apologies if I didn't tag anyone. Hopefully have inckueded all current posters

Chopc - Durham-History
@jano69 -Durham -History
@OnTheBenchOfDoom -Durham - Computer science
@Majaso12 -Imperial - Biochemistry
@bendmeoverbackwards -Bristol- History
@Pumpkintopf -Imperial -Physics
@ChimneyPot -Brown (US) - Open
@Stillcrikey -Bristol -MML
@Tenpastseven - Bristol -modern languages
@Longtimenewsee - Durham - Chemistry
@MidLifeCrisis007 - Durham -History
@BigWoollyJumpers - Exeter- History
@SeasonFinale -Bristol- History
@Notagardener LSE
@Revengeofthepangolins UCL - History
@raspberryrippleicecream ? -Maths
@derekthe1adyhamster Birmingham- Computer Science
@Vargas -Durham -Geography
@AvocadoPlant Exeter -History

Aw @chopc very difficult. We forced ours to come to stuff with us. Lots of times we left them home and that was the compromise, when we say we are all going, we are all going. They are really great, when we come back from either a supermarket or Costco shop they come off their computers without being asked, help to take it all into the house and also unpack. The unpacking is to see what has been bought

When both Dh and I were younger we had to go to town every Saturday morning to help with shopping. The local market was great for bargains food wise etc so both of us would be pack horses for our parents. Our DC know this so are grateful they don't have to do this themselves.

Teenage attitude doesn't fly in this house. There is no eye rolling because they understand that is considered abusive in relationships. We have family meetings to try to resolve any issues, anyone can raise an issue. But I also made it very clear that I am a person, not just a Mum or Dh a Dad. I have stood next to merry-go-rounds and waved and smiled every 20 seconds, I have endured boring as shit stuff for them (Thomas The Tank Engine, I used to love a Liverpudlian accent) so they can live through boring stuff for me. I have made an effort to be interested when they wittered on about Minecraft/Fortnite because that is important to them so they can listen to me witter on about my childhood or listen to my music when I am cooking because that is important to me.

Interestingly they both like MN! They like to see differing opinions about things, what issues people face. It is incredibly sweet. The lounge TV is used as a computer screen, not a smart TV but Dh connected it all up. I am the least techy person in this house. So sometimes MN threads are left up on the screen and they ask to click into a thread.

Do you watch any tv shows with your DD?

Just got caught in our first heavy rain in this long dry summer. Typically it was just as we were unloading the car at DDs 2nd year house!

Good evening!

How much is a fair amount to give my Durham based DS for his food budget ? We were thinking £200 a month or more than enough?

Hi @chopc whats the budget got to cover? Literally just food or is that to cover everything but accomodation each month? How about utilities?

DD has her minimum loan for everything except accommodation, and with high utility bills expected she’s also got a part time job (she is quite a social butterfly though so spends a lot on going out). Last year she budgeted £80 pw in term time for everyday living, then the remainder was used for one off costs eg gym membership, train fares, etc.

I think that sounds fine @chopc .
We top up DD’s maintenance loan ( ie pay our parental contribution) so it is the same as the full student loan amount . This year , once DD’s rent is paid out of this ( bills are included), she will have about £70 per week left for everything else. I think this is more than ok for food and extra bits and bobs.
I’ll probably let her fleece me at supermarket for store cupboard basics when we drop off. She’s been working over the summer so has a buffer too.

Eeeekkk.... I gave DD £500 per month, but have increased it to £550. However, she buys everything out of that, all food, clothes, contact lenses, gym, trains home, etc etc. She does save some of that, which I am pleased about. I have also given her £3000 to cover accommodation shortfall this year. She also earned about £1.5k over the summer, so she has that too. Her rent is £195 per week, including everything. Still less than the private school fees though!!

How was it? Seen some terrible issues with rental properties on social media, getting quite anxious, but that's social media for you I suppose, all bad news.

DD will be on her own for a week, which she is a bit anxious about, as it's quite a responsibility setting everything up, we are staying for a couple of days, but then need to be back for work. Hopefully she can fill the time with seeing other friends, setting up home, and going to the gym.

Thanks everyone for the input. I think doing it as per Maintainance loan is a good idea. Last year DS friends got varying amounts but he never asked for more and got by .......

Hi @BigWoollyJumpers the student house is pretty much what I was expecting. It’s clean, generally good carpets, but a bit tired looking.
DD thinks it’s wonderful and once all 6 are in and they’ve added colourful throws and lights I’m sure it will look cosy.
Exeter council have impressed me as DD only ordered her resident permit for her car last weekend and it was already processed and posted out ready to put in her car when we arrived.
I can’t believe I’m saying this but £195 pw including bills sounds good. DD (well us) are paying £170 pw no bills!

@chopc DD is our third to go to uni (and last), all have lived on their minimum loan and we have paid accommodation as those costs are tricky to manage when you’re trying to find somewhere with a group of friends.
All have worked during the long summer break and had a (small) safety net of savings plus their earnings to pay for extras.

£210/wk for rent excluding bills. I thought to give her £50/ month more than her brother as accommodation is more expensive
But with energy bills going up I should probably increase it...

Loading the car..... can't get everything in this time. DH always wants me to go too, so three adults, and we stay the night, so we have an overnight bag and a laptop too for DH to do some work. If he would just go on his own, there would be so much more room....... short rant, sorry.

@BenchOfCompany sorry for not acknowledging your reply sooner. My kids sound very different to yours. They are opinionated so whilst they are nosy enough to have a browse through mumsnet should I let them, they will have a lot to say about what they have read on there.

Slowly slowly they are coming round to the idea of helping me. DH does his fair share as well. DS1 is the messiest - so when he leaves end of Sept , there will be some order in the house

We watch lots of programmes/ movies together. I think I most recently watched Heartbreakers with DD14. With the boys we all watch the F1 in addition to sports docs and so on .

@chopc goodness, they are not quietly reading, they are very opinionated about stuff I like listening to their ideas about things from their viewpoint. We like chatting at the dinner table, anything goes especially now that they are older and more plugged in to current news. We never did that when I was a child so it is something I enjoy.

Rent prices are just crazy. Ds's mates are renting in York at £190 each, no bills included. They struggled to find anything so not a lot of choice in the matter. Ouch. I will admit I winced at @Notagardener with £210.

@BigWoollyJumpers We are luckily doing it in two journeys, one this weekend to take up the tenancy and another when he actually moves in so we can fit all his stuff in. He takes his chair with him. In fairness I have never sat in a more comfortable desk chair in my life but it is an arse to take it in terms of space. I have said for moving out it might make sense for Dh and Ds to just be in the car to free up all the seats in the back.

@BigWoollyJumpers i hear you!
Last year I ended up with a shoe bag for my overnight stuff as there was literally no space to be had in the car!
This year has been easier as DD has taken “her” car, and because we could choose the time ourselves we did the trip in a single day. Though tbh I rather like staying over!

Waves to the Exeter crowd!

DD's flatmates are picking up the keys to the house tomorrow. We saw the photos yesterday and her room looks small so she is a bit nervous for the 17th. So difficult as her group missed out on a few houses and this one has had a change of landlord and has been renovated into a six bed house over the summer. I have a feeling that we might be in IKEA or Dunelm for some storage solutions.
On the plus side it is clean especially as I've heard some horror stories regarding mould etc.

Quick question should a 'communal area' have a sofa? As one isn't listed only a dining table. We will find out tomorrow.

I had a bit of a moment today and realised I had booked our airbnb for the wrong date! I've managed to book something in Exmouth for next weekend but it will be heaving with freshers.

Good luck for year 2 everyone.

<Waves back at Dobby and other Exeter parents...>

We did 'stage 1' move in last week. DS's tenancy started on 1st so he wanted to take 80% of his stuff, claim cupboard space etc. It all went fine thankfully. The house is a classic student one - brown carpet and chipped paintwork, but had obviously been deep-cleaned and was perfectly decent. We're a little stressed at the prospect of the bills as it is an old house with electric storage heaters 😱and we have no idea how much it's going to cost in winter!
Also got there to discover it's an induction hob, so none of their pans worked and they're all having to buy new sets!
He came back with us afterwards and is going back 'properly' next week or so.

Hello Exeter peeps 😊

We're back. I cried on the way back AGAIN..... oh well, I know it gets easier, but it did take me two years with DD1, so I suppose I will be the same.

Fab journeys both ways, under 3 hours, which from Guildford is wonderful.

DD's flat is fine. I was a bit underwhelmed with the the cleaning tbh, and one or two snags, like a leaking sink, and radiators which only heat up midway, and a couple of sockets/lights not working, but landlord already booked to rectify.

It was a bit damp/smelly too, which was a bit of a worry. Not helped by finding a stash of smoking weed shit in one of the cupboards, left all summer, and not cleaned. So it all smells a bit stale. Was better this morning with lots of ventilation, extra deep cleaning, and mopping of floors, and DD going shopping this afternoon for Febreeze and various other odour controlling substances for the soft furnishings.

It needs extra lamps, curtains and a few more homely comforts too, but DD can spend the next few days shopping.

I know she will be fine, and she has a lovely best friend who is going to be there lots over the next few days until BF arrives. I met her today for the first time, and she is lovely.

So, just me and DH again now......

Thank you @Jng1 and @BigWoollyJumpers for the realities of student living. Our teenagers will all be fine once settled into their houses.

I agree about the cost of utilities this winter. I've increased DD's allowance but I have no idea if this will be enough. She has sensibly opened a new account to put money aside for bills so we shall see.

I've loved having DD home for the summer and we have had lots of fun as a family of three. I've booked a couple of days in Exeter in December to checkout the Christmas Market which DD raved about last year.

I've booked a couple of days in Exeter in December to checkout the Christmas Market which DD raved about last year

See you there! I am going to do the same. I can recommend the Hotel du Vin, very expensive but really central and very, very, nice.

@BigWoollyJumpers I've booked for the 10/11 December at a lovely airbnb I found earlier this year. HdV is fab so I'm sure you will have a lovely trip too.

Ooh a trip to the Christmas market sounds like fun!
DD has been back in Exeter for a week now, and we are settling into a new routine with just DH and me at home.
DD hasn’t yet got wifi set up in their house, and phone reception hasn’t been great without it. Hoping that will be sorted in a few days.

DD is using her time alone, and keeping busy, to deep clean the entire flat 😂

She has so far:
Mopped the floors every day
Cleaned the bathrooms top to bottom
Cleaned the kitchen
Sprayed every piece of material/upholstery with Febreeze
Hoovered several times, including ceilings and walls!
Spot treated the carpet of weed marks
Cleaned inside the chimney
Today she is dusting and wiping down the walls and doors

She is still attempting to be able to use the bath as the plug hole was unusable due to limescale. Couldn't get the plug out, and then couldn't get it back in again. She treated both with vinegar and bicarb, and now has resorted to Cillit Bang. After four days..... she has almost achieved a working plug. The sense of achievement is palpable.

We have bought a hall runner, and a dish drying rack, and lots and lots and lots of cleaning supplies.

On a positive note, the agent sent round and electrician and a plumber. So now the sink is no longer leaking, nor the radiators, which have also been bled. He also showed her how to use the boiler properly. The electrician put in a new bathroom extractor, fixed a non-working plug, and recommended new under counter lights, which are dead.

Soooo..... pretty much all sorted now, we think. I think landlords/agents just see what they can get away with, and maybe other students wouldn't be so fussed, as obviously didn't get a clean over summer, or any kind of check as to what was working etc etc

Just some bulbs to sort out now, but she will do that herself. Needs tall boyfriend to change, as the ceilings are about 10 feet tall!

@BigWoollyJumpers Your DD has been very busy and making the best of the situation. I've mentioned your DD's accommodation to mine and it puts everything into perspective.

Exeter is going to be heaving next weekend. Even the restaurant I've booked for Saturday said they have been rammed yesterday and will be next weekend too.

@Dobbyismyabsolutefav We went to Cote on Tuesday evening and they were turning people away - fully booked! Mostly old folk too, so maybe end of season tourists as well as newly arrived students??